Sunday, April 15, 2007

Are YOU Douche Worthy?

Man I love this show…can I be April? Leave my lucrative techie job in NY to become a cocktail waitress in Vegas? Wait a minute, what am I talking about? I so want to be Jack! Even if HE is a butter-face, he’s a guy, and a DJ, and probably has hot women throwing themselves at him. I would just sit back and take the easy street to paradise city. Wait, no, I would be gay, that way, it’ll have hot guys throwing themselves at me. This IS Vegas, and the possibilities are endless.

We begin with a dinner of the blondies, and an ugly girl/roommate seems to be the conversation driver tonight. She asks what Jenner Jenner did with wussy boy #1 - Jack and she said they went hiking. “That must have been exciting” chimed in Fameron. Jenner Jenner tells everyone that she thinks Jack wants her.

Uh-oh Jenner Jenner’s ex-bf wants to get in touch with her, and as we find out from the voice over (cause it would be just too hard to show us, not tell us) that Jenner Jenner’s heart is still being pulled by her ex-bf. Dramatic music is cued…duhn duhn duhn.

Wussy boy #2 (Rick) calls Fameron to ask her on a date? Nope, their just good friends. What’s sick is that it’s a Styx concert AND they get to meet them back stage! Wow. Ok. Let’s get pumped for Styx! Does this recap have an unusually bitter tone to it?

Back to Jenner Jenner…she tells her butter-all roommate about her ex-bf and she starts crying because, hmm, I don’t know. I guess she’s conflicted? Not sure. At some point in the convo, one of them says Jack is a good guy. Actually Jack is a bit of a douche, and a gigantic wuss; but hey tomato, tomahto.

In rehearsal, Rick tells his band mates that his manager thinks he should go solo, but then feels like a gigantic ass and back pedals, telling his band mates that they’re a team and a group, and should stay together. Or maybe it was his passive aggressive way of telling them that the band is holding him back, so shape up.

The Second Coming

Jenner Jenner and butter-all go to see Jack riding his dirt bike around sand dunes, while the ladies contemplate if he’s hurting his baby maker. More ex-bf talk from Jenner Jenner; she just doesn’t know what to do. I wonder if she should find out what her ex-bf wants in the first place. Maybe he just wants his Styx wife beater he left behind at her apartment.

At the Styx after party, Rick decides to tell the band his dilemma about going solo, leaving Fameron to just stare awkwardly and not add anything to the conversation. You know, if I ever get to meet James, I think I will ask him about my career path, that seems like a great use of time for everyone. In the car, Fameron asks the question that’s like a pink elephant in the room: “So what’s up with you and April?” I am SO going to talk like this next time I am hanging out with friends. We get a very thoughtful and introspective answer from Rick: “April’s cool.” Deep!

Butter-face is having a meeting, wearing a fur and gigantic hand cuffs as earrings, probably life-size, about her girls’ guide to Las Vegas book. And now we’re at the release party of said book, where butter-face sees Jenner Jenner and Jack cuddling, so she calls Jenner Jenner over and says something totally dumb and confusing then clanks Champaign glasses with her. See, she’s keeping her enemies closer, except we can all tell that it’s a thinly veiled attempt.

We’re back to Rick’s dilemma about abandoning her, err his band mates. I’m over this. April finally makes an appearance 16 minutes into a 30 minute show. Hello producers of Paradise City, she’s a playboy playmate!!

Finally we come to something worth talking about. April, who made a home cooked dinner of delivery pizza, is telling Rick about why butter-face doesn’t want her to date Rick – because Rick doesn’t treat April like a princess. Rick’s big come-back? ‘Well, yeah I’m broke, I have no money, I drive a crappy car.’ Then he sends a message to Molly through April – “Go F yourself.” Classy! Ok, let’s take a break. This was JJ’s big retarded mistake too, the men think that to treat a woman like a princess is to douse her with a stream of cash, but that’s not it at all. Being treated like a princess or a lady for those non-prissy of us, has nothing to do with money. He can start by actually looking at her when he talks to her, and not dissing her friends, even if she is mad at them. Geez, will men and women ever get this right?

When butter-face gets a text at her party that April can’t make it, everyone throws it in her face that she’s her best friend, and that April is dissing her. Ha! I love this group of people, turning each other on each other. Such thoughtful people. I am so glad I have real friends, and not clowns like these.

Backstabbing Best Friends

Jenner Jenner goes to Jack’s house for dinner, where he awaits her with the collar up on his undersized polo shirt. Wow, this seems like such a romantic interlude between these two uncomfortable idiots. Jack tells Jenner Jenner in an attempt to find out more about her, that she’s sweet, but sweet gets boring. See Rick, THAT’S treating a girl like a princess! And it costs nothing. Oh wait, that was an awful, dick thing to say, and an obvious attempt to control the situation. I’m so glad he’s on TV doing it. Jenner Jenner asks Jack when the last time he’s been in love, and he says he doesn’t know. You see, he hasn’t been shown from someone else to allow him to let his guard down and feel that way. Gosh golly Jenner Jenner, are YOU good enough for Jack??? No one has been thus far. This guy is a nightmare! More riveting convo ensues: “Tell me what you’re thinking about,” “nothing.”

Dream Boat Alert

I ♥ Vegas


Honey Gangsta said...

LOVE the captions. Second Coming and Dream Boat Alert! HA ha ha ha ha. They both suck so bad!

I just saw the finale, and here is what I have to say. Jenner is a rag. In every sense of the word that you could possibly think of. She is a RAG! Her ex-boyfriend called, so she is suddenly in a conundrum (as you mention), over what? Did he offer her something? I doubt it. More likely he whined and she started thinking that striking out on your own isn't all it's cracked up to be. So what does she do on the finale? She packs up her belongings and leaves Paradise City to go back to the ex. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhocking. "It's kind of hard to not be lazy all the time and actually try to pursue a career. Plus this new guy doesn't feel as comfortable as the ex-douche yet, so I'm throwing in the towel." Disguised as: moving back in with the ex to figure things out. Brilliant.

The only good thing about this is that Jack gets the shaft. Of course he plays it off like this is how he planned it all along. Jenner just sits there with her patented confused look until a couple of tears come out. Good riddance - get out of here, RAG!

Meanwhile some scouts come from Epic Records (say hi to Audrina for me) and watch Rick's idiot band perform. Rick is giving the band stern warnings before the performance. This is their last chance you know, before he drops them like a bad habit to let his glory shine forth uninhibited. You can tell that his cousins are totally over him and his ginormous ego. It seems like they almost want to mess up on purpose. The Epic Records people tell him after the performance that they are good, but not ready to be signed. Rick is the only one who looks comfortable on stage - the rest of the band should work on that. If they keep at it, they'll be ready for greatness soon. How does Rick interpret this? That he is John Lennon and his cousins are insanely insulting imposters. Time to dump the hangers-on (aka family members) of course! He will not keep the world in the dark without his talent any longer! Be gone, peasants! I have a duty to the world to go solo and you dead wood wannabes have been holding me back long enough. BE GONE! This was all the confirmation he needed in order to go through with the ultimate betrayal and ditch the people who got him to where he is. Buh-bye, douchebag. I do pray that this is the last we see of you. He can dare to dream that one day he might be worthy to sing back up for Justin Guarini. Anything beyond that - negative.

Honey Gangsta said...

I don't know if I made it clear just how bad Jenner sucks. I mean, how long did she try to make it on her own, like 2 weeks? It's embarrassing to all women when someone like Jenner chooses a dysfunctional relationship over ATTEMPTING to do something on her own. What a quitter! And she doesn't fool me. She acts like she's choosing love over all else, but all she's really doing is running away. Ew, I HATE her. And I hate the show for billing her as this strong independent woman when she is nothing but a codependent loser. Go back to your bad boyfriend, then honey, and see how much fun life is when you've given up all semblance of accomplishing anything for yourself. See you in the battered women's shelter someday - probably with 3 kids. She is our downfall.