The Bachelorette: DeAnna Turns Hypocrite

"I never meant to hurt you..."

Well, it’s been a long road, my friends. A long painful road through this season of The Bachelorette. DeAnna returned from torturous rejection to show the world THE CORRECT way to do this show. She was treated completely unfairly and humiliated before the nation, so she came back to do a demonstration of how one goes about being the Bachelor/ette – you know without hurting anyone. Thank you, DeAnna. We are forever in your debt.

We start by joining Jason on his hotel balcony where he tells us that he never expected any of this to happen – after all, he’s just a single dad out of Seattle. When he first met DeAnna he knew she had a passion for life, but he had no idea how she would react to the fact that he has a son. We go back through their journey and watch the Grand Ty Reveal, the first kiss, the hometown date, you know, everything we’ve seen multiple times. We relive the time that Jason’s mom told not to have so much “body armor” that he would never fall in love again, and then Jason thanking DeAnna for showing him that he can, in fact, fall in love again.

Next we bounce over to The Riddler’s balcony and he is telling us that he never expected DeAnna to be the most amazing wonderful person he’s ever met in his life. What WAS it, exactly that all these guys were expecting? I mean, they came on a show with the end result being marriage, right? But none of them expected to meet someone they’d want to marry? It really makes me wonder how they got on the show. Like were they recruited? Anyway, we relive The Riddler jacket, the empty theater date, the carriage ride first kiss, and all the way through.

"Remember when Brad was here, Daddy?"

And it’s time for the two finalists to meet DeAnna’s family in Newnan, Georgia. They are going to DeAnna’s house where they will be joined by DeAnna’s father, brother and sister. Then DeAnna breaks some news to us: the memory of that terrible, horrible thing that Brad Womack did to her is not just fresh in her mind; it’s also fresh in her family’s minds. They met Brad when she brought him on HER hometown date and they honestly thought that she and Brad were meant to be together. This time around it’s not going to be so easy for these guys. My gosh, she makes it sound like she’s the only girl on earth (let alone on the show) who’s ever brought a guy home and then things didn’t work out. Her family is in agreement that since Brad had the audacity to reject DeAnna, these next two guys will not be welcomed with open minds and hearts – oh no, they will pay for Brad’s mistake. Sister Chrissy tells us privately that yes, they all thought that Brad would choose DeAnna and when he didn’t, it crushed DeAnna and it crushed their whole family. And as I recall being told on episode one, it also crushed America. World tragedy alert, people. DeAnna Pappas was broken up with. We’ve all had fair warning that this must NEVER happen again. DeAnna tells the fam that Jason is a single dad and that The Riddler is totally not her type because he has long hair.

"Do they know about what Brad did?"

Here is Jason, complete with bouquets – one for DeAnna and one for the family. DeAnna is in her element, which is being fawned over. Dad Greg Pappas tells Jason that he is going to be grilled to a crisp and that he’ll be very happy when he leaves. Sister Chrissy asks if Jason knows what happened with Brad. Uh, Chrissy? There’s no one on this green earth who doesn’t know what happened with Brad. Jason tells everyone that he has two brothers and was married for several years before his wife decided to leave him for someone else. Ah hah, another piece to the Jason puzzle. Also, he has a three-year-old son named Ty who lives with him MOST of the time. So still no total clarity on the custody situation. Greg Pappas tells us that Jason having a son is neither a pro nor a con, but it will mean that DeAnna has an insta-family and he’s not sure she’s ready for that. If by “that” you mean not being the Grand Center of the Universe, then I’d say no, she’s not ready for that. Over breakfast Jason brings out pictures of Ty to pass around and it is unanimously agreed upon that Ty is cute. Great, glad we got that straightened out.

Chrissy decides she needs some alone time with Jason, so she takes him in the other room to tell him all about what it was like when Brad dumped DeAnna. Are you serious, people? This is so ridiculously self-indulgent I can barely keep from vomiting. Jason promises that he really is in love with DeAnna. Chrissy wants to know why Jason is better than the other guy and Jason just refers again to his feelings for DeAnna. Chrissy wants to know if he will always take care of DeAnna. When Jason says that he’s never felt this way before, Chrissy asks what about when he got married? Ha! I’ve wanted to ask that, too. Jason says he THOUGHT he felt this way about the woman he married, but now he knows he REALLY feels this way about the woman he’s known for six weeks. Great.

In the kitchen DeAnna tells her dad and brother that she likes Jason because he is on the same page as she is, meaning he wants to be married with a family. He’s also a great father, so she’ll never have to worry about that.

"You DO know what Brad did, right?"

And Jason takes Greg Pappas outside to profess his undying devotion for DeAnna, who is the world’s most unbelievable young lady (according to her dad). Jason would like Greg’s permission to ask DeAnna to marry him. Greg says that no guy has ever had the guts to ask him before – even though supposedly Brad had him flown out to Los Angeles to do just that. Jason is ecstatic to learn that he is first to request DeAnna’s treasured hand in marriage. Yes, we’re thrilled for you, Jason. Greg says that he thinks Jason is a really special guy and that if DeAnna chooses him, they’ll have his blessing. Mazel tov. They proceed to putt some golf balls around the yard. Quick, Jason! Put one in your pocket for Ty!

Later DeAnna walks Jason to the car where they giggle and smooch and then she runs back in to see what her family thinks of him. The brother’s like, “He’s fine.” The sister goes, “He said he’s in love with you!” and the dad spills the beans that Jason asked permission to propose and that he was surprised. DeAnna says she would have been shocked if Jason HADN’T asked. Of course, DeAnna. Who isn’t dying to marry you?

Now it’s time for the Riddler to arrive and be punished for Brad’s fatal mistake. He tells us that as rad as it is to be meeting his possible future in-laws, it’s also totally nerve racking. The biggest surprise that The Riddler brings with him is a haircut. I didn’t even notice at first because it’s still shaggy and unkempt, but now that I focus, it IS quite a bit shorter.

"My haircut isn't rad."

Greg dives in, telling The Riddler that they want what’s best for DeAnna, so they need to get to know him. So let’s hear about snowboarding! The Riddler’s answer? “Snowboarding is, uh… something fun.” Next question: What are you going to do when your glory days end? We don’t get to hear The Riddler’s answer. I doubt there is one – besides the sports agent dream. Greg wants to know if The Riddler’s had any prior serious relationships and The Riddler proudly relates that he lived with a girlfriend for like two years, but they grew apart. I’m not really sure what that is supposed to prove, but okay. Greg warns The Riddler that if he ends up being chosen, he’d better be back in Georgia often. The Riddler’s just like, “Yes, yes…” When DeAnna walks him to the car she accuses him of being very nervous and he agrees. Then she reminds the nation that The Riddler isn’t the type of guy she usually dates. Really? I’m surprised you never mentioned that, DeAnna. Inside Greg tells DeAnna that he prefers Jason because Jason seemed more genuine and The Riddler didn’t ask for permission to marry DeAnna. DeAnna is, of course, completely dumbfounded that The Riddler didn’t ask. Traitor!

"He will be sorry."

Greg wonders if The Riddler is in the same place in his life that DeAnna is. What do you think, Greg? DeAnna is so desperate to get married that she’s on TV scraping up a husband and The Riddler’s plans go no further than snowboarding tomorrow.

The next day brings a fun-filled Bachelorette surprise – both guys are coming at the same time to meet DeAnna’s extended family! The Riddler arrives first, houseplant in hand, and dives once again into the snowboarding saga. Then the doorbell rings. GASP! There’s Jason doing a little dance at the door because he’s so excited to meet the grandparents. But the jig is up as he walks into the living room and the dreadful truth sets in. They both feel like idiots, as was the intention, and everyone tries to carry on as normal in this contrived set up. This is so stupid and would never happen, and I don’t really want to spend a whole lot of time on this crap, so I’ll just mention the important things.

The Riddler teaches DeAnna’s grandparents how to “nug,” or fist bump, the sister and sister-in-law remind The Riddler that Brad dumped DeAnna, the grandparents seem to prefer Jason, but the sister-in-law thinks that The Riddler is the most “real.” Real what? Real rad? Oh, also The Riddler works up the nerve to ask Greg for permission to propose, so now everyone has paid sufficient homage to DeAnna and her mighty father. And Greg tells The Riddler that he has to keep his hair cut if he’s going to be with DeAnna, then they “nug” and “blow it up,” meaning a fist bump followed by a flex of the entire hand. Very, very mature and classy.

After DeAnna does a dual walk to the car with the two guys, her family naturally has very little helpful advice. The sister seems to lean toward Jason while the sister-in-law leans toward The Riddler. The sister’s argument is that Jason is clearly ready and willing to settle down, which is what DeAnna claims to want. The sister-in-law says that Jason is way ahead of where DeAnna wants to be, that DeAnna is a free spirit, and that she should go with the snowboarder. DeAnna is simply clueless. And that’s the understatement of the century.

Embarking on the next segment we discover that Jeremy is back to plead his case once again. DeAnna tells us she wishes she could be like Brad and just run away from all of this, but since she is a much bigger, better person than Brad is, she will deign to let Jeremy speak with her one last time. This was clearly filmed before DeAnna’s hometown because Jeremy is still here in the Bahamas and he comes over to DeAnna’s hotel room to have it out with her. DeAnna has already turned on the waterworks when Jeremy knocks on the door. He tells her that she’s making a big mistake, he reminds her that his mom died, and begs her to reconsider.

"They said if I did this I could be the next Bachelor."

DeAnna bawls that Jeremy is everything she wanted on paper, but it’s just not in her heart to be with him. She tells him that she has deeper feelings for the other two guys, and she respects Jeremy too much to drag him along and lead him on as was so cruelly done to her. Jeremy turns to the producers and asks if he can go now that he did what they ordered and came back for one lest beg down. He’s excused. But like a good boy, he squats on the pavement and sobs.

The next day DeAnna meets The Riddler bright and early in front of a little seaplane for the day’s adventures. They fly over to a little secluded island where they wade from the plane to the beach. DeAnna very perceptively points into the water and says, “There’s fish!” Well done, DeAnna. It looks like mostly what they spend the day doing is making out on the beach, then making out in the water, then they take a boat back to the main island and their hotel. The Riddler presents DeAnna with his Last Chance Gift, which is a photo album of their time together, along with little notes written for every picture. It does not look like a guy’s handwriting to me, but whatever. It’s probably the same production assistant who does the Date Box notes.

Snowboarding scrapbook artist - he'll be a great mom.

He reads her all the notes then tells her that he’s totally ready to settle down and spend the rest of his life with her and that he’s in love with her. She just sits there basking and they kiss. She tells us that she wouldn’t stoop to telling The Riddler that she loves him back, because some unnamed person once did that to her and then left her alone. She’s going to do the decent thing and wait to the very end to say she loves someone. Yes, I’m sure that will make all the difference in the world, DeAnna.

And now it’s Jason’s turn! He trots up to meet DeAnna where she tells him they are going scuba diving. But DeAnna has a dirty little trick up her sleeve, which is the fact that they will actually be going diving with sharks. As they dive into the water holding hands, DeAnna tells us that Jason is surprising her by being brave, daring, etc. When it’s time to hang with the sharks, they both kneel down on the ocean floor holding hands and not moving at all. This doesn’t seem very fun to me. Those sharks are huge! But now they’ve bonded over a death-defying adventure, so there’s that. And back at the hotel, Jason tells DeAnna that he wants her to be able to ask him anything, to which she responds that she has nothing to ask. Oh right, because you already know everything there possibly is to know about him in these few short weeks. Jason breaks out his Last Chance Gift, which is a board game he’s designed called “Eight Roses.” This is a game that takes them through all the dates they’ve been on and they reenact all of their cute little moments.

Lose a turn for throwing a tantrum...

That’s really sweet and I wonder if he did this on his own. His handwriting actually looks masculine. DeAnna draws a card that tells her to ask Jason to tell her something new, and this is where he makes his grand declaration of love and DeAnna is once again in her element – being adored.

"It's like warm sunlight on my shoulders."

But again, she doesn’t tell him she loves him. She’s being fair, you know! DeAnna tells us she doesn’t know what she’s going to do or how she is going to sleep because she’s in love with two guys. In love with two guys! What will she ever do?

In the morning DeAnna goes over for the millionth time what it is she loves about Jason and The Riddler. Jason is very settled and perfect and The Riddler totally surprised her and changed her mind. She also ponders that today she’s in the same place that Brad Womack was in when he broke her heart. My gosh, is this whole thing really just all about Brad? I’ve heard more about Brad on this episode alone than I did during his entire season as the Bachelor.

Jason goes ring shopping and picks out a huge round diamond surrounded by two smaller round diamonds. He says it’s classic, yet modern, like DeAnna. Puke. On his way out of the ring store he tosses a coin in a fountain for good luck. So corny.

Option A

The Riddler has to stop and put his head between his knees on his way to the jeweler. He takes this as a sign that he’s really in love. Um, what? He chooses a princess cut diamond with tiny diamonds on the band and tells us this symbolizes forever. Sure it does.

Option B

DeAnna primps and frets over telling someone she loves goodbye. She’s about to make someone feel the way Brad made her feel! Yes you are, DeAnna – how did you think this would end? The guys both look at their rings and yammer. DeAnna gets in the limo and tells us she’s found the love of her life and someone who makes her want to be a better person.

Chris Harrison walks DeAnna to Proposal Platform and she’s wearing a really ugly dress. She tells us that she’s 100% sure about her decision and she’s expecting a proposal today. Up comes the first limo and out climbs… Jason. WHAT?! Oh this should be good. How are you going to explain this, DeAnna? First, Jason does the slow walk up to the Platform telling us how excited and in love he is. When he gets to her she hugs him and then just lets him talk. He tells her he’s wearing an orange tie, which was Ty’s idea, and that it symbolizes a Georgia peach. Oh, this sucks. He lunges down to one knee and DeAnna pulls him up, saying, “No, I can’t.” She tells him how much she cares about him and how perfect he is and that she’d always be safe with him, but she’s in love with somebody else.

If you look closely, you can actually see his heart snapping.

Of course Jason doesn’t really know what to say. He starts questioning everything and DeAnna insists that she meant everything she’s ever told him and that she’d be so lucky to be with him, but her heart is somewhere else. This sounds very similar to Jeremy’s rejection speech. Jason says he really did fall in love with her and that he’ll miss her. Then she has to walk him and his ring back to the limo. On his Ride of Shame Jason just says he’s shocked and that he was ready to be in love again. He concludes that she wants an alternative world. She thought she wanted safety and security, but she wants to live on the edge. You know, that’s a good point. DeAnna has given us a thousand sermons about how she is totally serious about settling down and starting a life with someone and then she goes and picks the snowboarder with no future plans? It doesn’t quite add up.

And speaking of Mr. No Plans, it’s now The Riddler’s turn.

"I really hope it snows tonight."

But first, DeAnna has to tell us that she knows exactly how Jason feels today being sent away. An evil person once sent her away, you know. Now she’s happy because she is absolutely positive that she has found the right guy. And here he is emerging from his final limo ride. On his slow walk to the Proposal Platform he keeps telling us how nervous he is. When he gets up there she just sits there and lets him talk. He gives a huge speech about how he never expected this to be so real, but he’s in love with her and can’t imagine not being with her. He wants to spend forever with her and she’s his soul mate. DeAnna still just sits there like an idiot. Then he drops down and says, “DeAnna Marie Pappas, will you spend forever with me?”

"Cause that would be really rad."

Notice he didn’t say, “Will you marry me?” She finally pipes up and says yes. He gives her the ring and now it’s her turn to speak. She says she wouldn’t be okay without him in her life and she loves him. She’s waited so long to say that. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him. And now the montage of their entire journey set to the tune of Natasha Beddingfield and the song she sang on their date in the empty theater. The Riddler gets the final rose! How special. And I do mean special.

"We are the winners! Nug!"

So I think this is nuts. DeAnna thinks it’s adorable that she’s going to marry the guy with the pink shoelaces. Are you kidding? I think she chose the one who would be the easiest out. It would be a much bigger deal to call off an engagement with Jason because Ty would be involved and it would end up making her look like a huge witch. But this way, she can always point to the fact that The Riddler wasn’t quite sure what he wanted in life, and she really needs someone with some stability and some decision making skills. I don’t know, that’s one of my theories. UGH!

"See America? THIS is how you end The Bachelor/ette."

I’ve just about reached my threshold with DeAnna and her antics, but I’ll list some highlights from After The Final Rose and then leave you to discuss in the comments.

- Jason is shocked and confused at not having received the final rose, of course. He wonders why DeAnna let him actually kneel down before cluing him in.

- DeAnna has to fess up to the fact that she did, in fact, treat someone the way Brad treated her, and that someone is Jason. She says that she now has complete compassion for one Brad Womack, which is a total 180. She bawls and says she never meant to hurt Jason. I don’t know how she can show her face after how many times we had it crammed down our throats that Brad is the most evil person on earth.

- DeAnna says that what she wanted changed throughout the course of the show. She started out thinking that she wanted one thing, but ended up wanting another. Hmm, another thing she crucified Brad for. Changing his mind or being indecisive about what he wanted.

- Jason says he would have given anything to have DeAnna look at him the way she looked at The Riddler… or Graham. BUSTED, DeAnna! The whole world knows it.

- Some girls in the audience scream out “We love you, Jason!” Oh geez.

- Uh, Matt and Shayne come back to rub it in everyone’s faces that they’re still together, at least technically. Shayne still hits the town with her guy friends and Matt’s fine with that. He’s busy getting head shots and begging Shayne’s agent to sign him. This is the biggest sack of crap I’ve seen since the last segment. NEXT!

- DeAnna claims that she and The Riddler will be friends with Jason for a LONG time. I beg to differ.

- The Riddler jogs onstage and does a Tom Cruise bounce over the couch. DeAnna screams, “Honey, look at you!” Oh, these two are worse than I imagined. They keep looking at each other and saying “I love you.” It’s like they’re trying to prove it to everyone.

- Chris reveals that The Riddler was very reluctant to come on the show. What? What does this mean? This furthers my theory about these guys being recruited.

- We keep getting teased about this big “surprise announcement” that the happy couple is going to make and when they finally make it it’s that they’ve set a wedding date for next year. Chris asks both sets of parents if they’re shocked to learn not only that their kids are engaged, but also, they’re getting married! I know that’s so weird! What’s next, they’re having a wedding? Wonders never cease.

- DeAnna says she can only thank Brad every day for the decision he made. I’m SURE Brad feels the same way, DeAnna. Positive.

- Chris presents them with a honeymoon trip to Greece as a gift. Uh oh. I wonder if they can still take it after they call off the wedding.

So that’s it! We’re finally done with DeAnna. I’m dying to hear what you guys think of all this. Thanks for making this season worth it with all of your awesome contributions. You guys are THE BEST! Fire away!

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

The Bachelorette: The Men Hate DeAnna

"Oh the boys must be SO happy to see me again!"

Hey beloved readers, I know I promised to recap the The Bachelorette Men Tell Nothing, so I'm presenting this just before I dive into the THREE HOUR finale recap. Hope you enjoy and that it will hold you over until we can jointly shred the stupid Final Rose.

Okay, so here we are with the not-so-much anticipated special where the guys gather 'round and rehash highlights of The Bachelorette and then do very little in the way of explaining anything we didn't already know. Whoop-dee-doo. They've gathered 16 of the original 25 bachelors - including a few who left the very first night, so what on earth are they going to say? As a side bar, I honestly don't get what's up with all of the filler this season. First they make every episode two hours long, then they stop like a third of the way through for a "DeAnna Tells All," which revealed nothing, now the "Men Tell All," and the whole stupid thing is followed up with an "After The Final Rose." Do we really need it pounded into our heads any further that DeAnna is the self-appointed Queen of the Universe? I mean, how much time has been spent on what really adds up to quite a boring little life? Ugh. Anyhoo, it's not for me to judge. Oh wait, oops, silly me - yes it is! And here we go.

After some small talk, we get a montage of how "competitive" this entire competition has been. It seems that Ryan (the Virgin) was the most competitive bachelor and Jeremy was the most hated. Chef Robert even compares Jeremy to American Psycho. Now, having recently read American Psycho, I won't give Jeremy the credit of being a satirical societal symbol of greed and materialism in 1980's Manhattan, but that's beside the point. Jeremy comes to the Hot Seat to answer the BIG questions. They go something like this: Having received a First Impression Rose, was there a target on your back? Were you really two-faced for the sake of the competition? The other guys say Jeremy wasn't very friendly with them. Oh, boo hoo. They also claim that they weren't there to "win" DeAnna, they were there with the utmost integrity to see if they had a special connection with a lovely lady, whereas Jeremy treated her like a prize. Oh cry me a river - especially you, Ron. No ulterior motives in the bunch? I'm not buying it.

"For instance, Sean was only there for a free haircut."

Next we have a montage of Jeremy's rejection-riddled journey and then Chris Harrison asks, "What happened?" What happened, Chris? Jeremy was eliminated. What is he supposed to say? I stopped paying attention to DeAnna for two seconds by accident so that I could go to the bathroom and she kicked me off? Please, there's no answer. Chris twists the knife for the rest of the segment, and then we move on to Graham.

In the Hot Seat Graham watches a montage of DeAnna draping herself all over him and then finally getting fed up with his indifference and shamelessly begging him to care in the embarrassing farewell tantrum. Chris asks Graham what went wrong with HIS special relationship and Graham says that he gave SO much and opened up SO much more than anyone will ever realize, but it was just never enough for DeAnna. Oh, I HATE this little song and dance. This is the guy who is completely closed off and clearly scared to death of having any kind of meaningful relationship and so when the girl asks him for the bare minimum - aka, acting like a boyfriend, he freaks out and says it's never enough. Okay, yes, clearly this rant stems from more than just Graham, but I've seen his type. SO unwilling to give more than just that tiny inch, but when called on the carpet, it's the girl's fault for wanting too much, when all she really wants is reciprocation. Graham insists that he made a lot of effort, but I think we can all agree that that's not what we saw. Chris calls him out for refusing to kiss DeAnna at the racetrack, but who cares? The bottom line is that he never really liked her - or was way too chicken to put himself in harm's way. But he insists that letting DeAnna come to his parents' home and meeting his family makes him a total martyr. No one realizes how much that took for him to do. Oh this is such garbage. Chris actually does a pretty good job of trying to pin Graham down and make him point out a reason for not wanting to take the next step with DeAnna and he finally says that he was afraid of going that fast. At last, a legitimate answer. Uh, this entire set up is ridiculous and I didn't want to propose to some pretty girl I just met but hardly know? Of course Graham doesn't go that far because I don't think that's actually what he thinks. He was really just scared of going that fast. And anything above a complete snail's pace would be too fast for Graham. But not wanting to go that fast is totally different than "it was never enough" for DeAnna. I'm never going to take DeAnna's side, but Graham is such a little sissy. My sympathies to the next girl who tries to date him and for whom it will just "never be enough."

"I try so hard. No one appreciates the hero I am."

Jenny from the audience stands up and asks Graham what was in that famous letter he gave DeAnna on the Rejection Bench. Okay, here is Graham's earth shattering answer: "I put in that letter... um... how I felt about her and the last week of our relationship. Um... and if she read it, I think knowing me as well as she does, that it meant the world to her that I would tell her some of the things that were in that letter." Well! That clears everything up! Will someone get this brave man a medal?

And now here comes the Queen herself, to sit in the Hot Seat and be adored - or so she thinks. She starts with her famous speech about knowing just how the guys feel because she has been in their shoes, and that she's cried herself to sleep many nights over how hard this has been. Oh, I feel so sorry for her. Jeremy gets to question her first and he wants to know when she knew he wasn't the one. After all, she gave him a fantasy card and spent the night with him. DeAnna gives her standby speech number two and says that whenever she's with any of the guys, no matter who it is, she's only thinking about him. And it wasn't until she was on her dates with Jason and The Riddler that she realized she was already in love with them. Jeremy says, "Ouch." DeAnna says she's sorry and that he is so perfect on paper and she really wanted there to be something there in her heart because then her life would have been perfect (huh? This is such bogus). She wanted there to be something so badly. Jeremy says, "Well... me too." Geez.

Now Chris wants to know if DeAnna can explain what went wrong with Graham because Graham sure couldn't. DeAnna borders on a layer of truth when she says that Graham was always the guy she couldn't have. Bingo. She says that when she sent him home she second guessed herself, but she doesn't feel that way anymore and everything happens for a reason. The crowd gasps. Why? Are we now on a Graham Sympathy Team? DeAnna says she doesn't agree that Graham fully opened up to her, even though he took her to his parents' house, because she doesn't actually think he would have been allowed to decline that portion of the show. Graham pipes up that yes he could have. He could have refused a rose. And he insists that DeAnna downplays the significance of being so lucky as to have had Graham accept every rose he was offered. Oh wow, Graham. So you could have refused a rose, but you didn't, so you are the world's most emotionally giving man - my bad. Graham says to DeAnna, "I think you're the best, good luck." DeAnna turns back to Chris Harrison, ready to eat her own lips, and Chris goes, "You are pissed."

"What? Pissed? There's something in m'teeth."

DeAnna looks at Graham and says she doesn't appreciate him being here and once again acting like he could care less. Gee, DeAnna, maybe that's because he COULD CARE LESS. Get a clue!

Some girl in the audience wants to know if anything romantic happened between DeAnna and any of the bachelors while they were staying in the mansion. Uh, planted question, much? It seems that one night Jeremy snuck into DeAnna's room to kiss her and some other night Paul took a bubble bath. RIVETING.

Ew, next we take another good long look at DeAnna's Barbeque Tantrum. You know, the one following Graham's refusal to kiss her at the race track.

"Wow, this was really hard on me. I feel sorry for myself."

After watching herself lose it, DeAnna tells us it just shows that she's real. Whatever helps you sleep at night, DeAnna. Chris asks her if in the end she thinks she may have expected a little too much because after all, it's a bunch of dudes. Hear, hear. DeAnna says it IS totally different for girls because when she was competing for Brad they all smothered him and didn't care. And these guys just sat back casually. This causes Ryan the Virgin to pipe up and tell DeAnna that he finds her very inconsistent. On the one hand she talks about liking The Riddler for being so casual and just a friend to her first, but on the other hand, when she was on The Brad Show, she was one of the most confrontational people to be found. So what gives? DeAnna gets huffy and points at Ryan the Virgin while telling him that in every shot this season The Riddler and Jeremy were right at her side. Uh, what?

"Don't go there, peasant!"

Anyway, Ryan isn't finished and he goes on to say that she got rid of everyone who wasn't OCD - Obsessive Compulsive DeAnna, because if they didn't act toward her the way she acted toward Brad it wasn't good enough. Chris Harrison and DeAnna are both flabbergasted. Who is this insubordinate? Off with his head!

"Back talk???"

DeAnna climbs right up on her high horse and says that this has nothing to do with how she was with Brad, it's whether or not she clicked with each guy. Graham, for instance, stayed so long because she was falling in love with him, but in the end he couldn't give her what she needs, isn't that right Graham? Graham says he's sorry, he didn't hear the question. Oh snap! DeAnna is getting NO love tonight! These guys (with the exception of Jeremy) are not impressed with her and are not going to pretend otherwise. I find it rather refreshing, don't you?

Ah, now we have the blooper reel. You see, despite all the hatred flying around this room tonight, there really were some fun moments this season behind the scenes - most of them not involving DeAnna. The best is when Chris Harrison gives DeAnna a soliloquy in the portrait room about Sean's mullet and ends by asking if she thinks he fought at the Cobra Kai Dojo. That's priceless. Who knew Chris had it in him?

After that DeAnna announces that she is very happy, she is in love, and she is engaged. Jeremy looks like he wants to jump off the roof. Congratulations, Smuggy McSmuggerson.

"Why? Why? Why?"

The rest of this is a closer look at Jason and The Riddler, but we're going to spend the entire next episode doing that, so I'm saying no for now.

You know, we never heard from Fred, who was clearly the best choice and cast off way too early in a rule-breaking double send-off at the end of the two-on-one date. During the credits a girl in the audience stands up and asks Fred if she'll go out with him and he's all cute and says yes. Aw, what a guy. Please don't make him the next Bachelor.

So there you have it! It was pretty fun watching them hate on DeAnna, I have to say. I think she has a highly inaccurate vision of herself, so it's nice to see her reflected in the eyes of those who were supposedly there to dote on her. What did you think?

You won't wait long for the finale - I'm on it, and we're going to get dirty... like waist deep. See you soon!

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

The Bachelorette: The Graham-less Fantasy

"Graham, Graham, wherefore art thou Graham?"

Tonight on The Bachelorette DeAnna goes on three nearly identical dates in the Bahamas. The guys can DEFINITELY see themselves falling in love with DeAnna and she can DEFINITELY see herself spending the rest of her life with each of them. It's a Fantasy Overnight Three-peat to remember!

We join DeAnna packing up to go on her fantasy overnight dates and she is still whining about Graham. She reiterates that Graham is the one she had all picked out to be Last Man Standing, but he turned out to be a "Brad," meaning he couldn't give her what she wanted. Sorry, DeAnna. He's just not that into you. I'm not really buying the "too scared to open up" story. Now she just has no idea what to do because she had pretty much written off the other three in favor of Graham, but now he's gone and ruined that.

Over on Grand Bahama Island DeAnna sulks along the beach, wondering what it would be like if Graham were here. But no time for that right now because here comes Jeremy jogging up to greet her. DeAnna finally admits that the biggest thing between her and Jeremy is the fact that they've both lost parents, but she's hoping to see him relax and have fun here in Fantasy Land. They kiss a lot. Did you know that DeAnna thinks Jeremy is perfect? Did you know that she could see herself marrying him? They hop on a funky yellow boat which whisks them over to a little private Fantasy Island to hang out on. They ride around for a while on some Fantasy wave runners and then sit down in the Fantasy sand to hash things out. Things seem rather tense and neither of them say anything. Jeremy asks DeAnna to tell him something about herself that he doesn't already know and she can't think of anything. I actually believe that. I'm not sure how much there really IS to know about DeAnna. Wait. Does he know that Brad dumped her? DeAnna whines to us that just when she got rid of Graham for being too quiet, Jeremy clams up. Jeremy keeps telling us that he's gearing up to have a really serious talk with DeAnna. Oh boy. Have you had any other kind?

Liquid courage

They meet up later for Fantasy dinner and now Jeremy can't stop giggling. Well, didn't DeAnna want him to cut loose and relax? Jeremy takes a deep breath and goes into his big speech. He says that this is a huge deal because here is someone he really cares about, but he doesn't really "have" her yet and he doesn't want to lose her. He would say he's falling in love with her, but it's already happened. She doesn't have to respond, he just wants her to know.

"You better believe you let me know."

DeAnna just says she's glad he told her and it's time for the Fantasy Card. Jeremy reads the card and hops up, ready for some action. They head straight for the Fantasy bed and make out while DeAnna reminds us that Jeremy is perfect, has she mentioned that? As we watch, Jeremy gets up and closes the door on us. Aw, no watching of the perfect Fantasy make out? Shucks.

The next morning DeAnna rolls out of bed with Jeremy and heads to the beach to meet Jason, who also comes jogging up to meet her.

"Sleep well, did you?"

He tells us that he wants DeAnna to know that he's falling in love with her, but today is all about fun. And first on the Fantasy fun agenda is off-roading in a large Fantasy jeep. I'm remembering how non-adventurous Jason was on the four-wheelers, but this time he hops right in and takes off. They go for a very bouncy ride leading them to what looks like a Fantasy swamp, where they hop on a little portable bridge that utilizes a pulley system to take them across the water.

The complex engineering of the Bahamas.

Waiting on the other side of the completely secluded swamp are the camera guys and about 45 crew members. But they've done something really nice and laid out a Fantasy picnic for the love birds. They discuss the riveting topic of Jason's eating habits and it turns out that he'll try anything once. That's so interesting! After giving some of their cheese to the fish, who will apparently also try anything once, they get ready to go kayaking - in the Fantasy swamp. It seems that they are both kayaking virgins, so this will be a brand new Fantasy adventure for both of them! They row themselves right into the dock, then almost tip over, then go under a bridge, then turn and kiss in the kayak - it's just so romantic.

Later at Fantasy dinner, Jason says he's speechless and you can just see DeAnna's head wanting to explode. Speechless is exactly the reason she gave Graham the boot, don't you guys get it? DeAnna says she was glad to see this new fun side of Jason today and Jason says he's glad she got to see it because he has all these different sides, like the dad side and the fun side... let's see what else? Anything? Oh well, DeAnna asks if Ty likes the beach. Is that the best you can do, DeAnna? Last week she asked Ty if he likes riding in the car - after giving him a golf ball. Methinks DeAnna does not spend much time with small children. Jason tells DeAnna that she and Ty are his two favorite topics right now and DeAnna squeals that this is the nicest thing he's ever said to her. Jason says he never expected to meet her - meaning that she's so much greater than he expected and DeAnna says that everything happens for a reason. At least she doesn't talk in clichés. She keeps kissing Jason with her eyes open.

Shut your freaking eyes!

Fantasy Card time! Jason reads it and barely gets past the word "forgo" before tossing the card aside in a Fantasy romantic gesture and saying, "Yeah!" DeAnna positively cackles and they sprint away to the Fantasy suite. I think this one is the room that adjoins to the one Jason had last night. More open-eyed kissing then Jason pulls out some Fantasy jewelry that he bought for DeAnna. Then he thanks her for teaching him that he really can fall in love again because he really is falling in love again. More open-eyed kissing and DeAnna can definitely see herself spending her life with Jason.

"Ah, here comes Admirer Number Three."

And morning number three DeAnna showers off the scent of Jason and heads back to the Fantasy beach to meet The Riddler! He is in fine Fantasy form running to DeAnna and scooping her up, telling her that she always looks sooooo hawt! DeAnna has some Fantasy horses waiting for her and The Riddler, which The Riddler calls "so rad," and they ride around on the sand and in the water. DeAnna is all giddy telling us about how they kissed, on the horses, in the middle of the ocean. Middle of the ocean? They were four feet from the sand, but far be it from me to interrupt the gid. It's another Fantasy picnic and The Riddler keeps thanking DeAnna for all her hard work, even though she's just as surprised as he is to discover what lies in the Fantasy picnic basket. The Riddler says something about there possibly being a Fantasy rock on DeAnna's finger soon, and they discuss how rad it is that they were friends first because if you can't be friends first then how can you possibly date someone? The Riddler says he's nervous and DeAnna says, "Why-uh?" Something about The Riddler brings out the Valley Girl in DeAnna.

"West-siiiiiide Breckenridge!"

They take turns telling us about their blossoming relationship and I notice that The Riddler is calling her "D." At Fantasy dinner, The Riddler, like Jeremy and Jason, is ready to discuss some of the important Fantasy topics. He wants to know how many kids she wants and when, and it turns out they are both on the "Before 30" track, how rad. Then he asks if she could live in Breck for three months out of the year. Breck? Ah hah, he's abreeving the name of his hometown, Breckenridge. DeAnna worries about living in the cold and getting her precious feathers wet. She's also worried that snowboarding is such a huge part of his life and she's not sure where she'd fit in. Gee, what tipped you off, there, D? The hair? The talk? The snowboarding lesson, or was it the entire snowboard decorating motif at The Riddler's apartment? R tries to convince D that snowboarding isn't quite such a big part of his life as she may be thinking - yeah right. He actually has this totally realistic dream of being a sports agent - oh even better. Professions of love and fear follow and so D pulls out the Fantasy card. As was teased to death, The Riddler tells D that he doesn't know if he can spend the night with her before meeting her father. Like ANY guy would actually say that. PUH-LEASE. I could smell that set up from a mile away. Of course he bursts out laughing, says he's totally kidding, he could care less about meeting her dad, let's go have sex!

"Good one - my dad! Ha ha!"

This Fantasy suite looks a lot like the other two, but it does include a Fantasy bubble bath. They sprawl on the Fantasy bed and The Riddler says that he hopes D is serious about wanting to get married because if she chooses him, it's so on. That's where he's at. I was a fan of The Riddler until I learned of some disturbing rumors about him being circulated in the inter-highway. See what you think...

Riddler Rumors

It's Rose Ceremony Time! DeAnna emerges from the limo in what looks like an electric blue towel - from the 80's. She reminds us that she let Graham go last week. Yeah, yeah, get over Graham. He sure got over you.

"Is Graham back there somewhere?"

DeAnna tells the guys that her heart is breaking and then she distributes the roses. First, The Riddler. Then... Jason. Oh, the look on Jeremy's face is so sad.

Awwwwwwwwww

DeAnna leads Jeremy to the Rejection Bench to say goodbye. She tells Jeremy that he's perfect, his house is perfect, his dog is perfect, his family is perfect, and she would have a perfect life if she chose him, and she's stupid for sending him home because she would be so lucky. BUT, she worries that she might be confusing the "orphan" bond they share with being in love. Jeremy says he's very hurt and he's never had his heart broken like this. DeAnna bawls and says she's sorry while Jeremy says he hates to think this is the last time he will hold her hand. On his Ride of Shame Jeremy says he never saw this coming. DeAnna was everything he was looking for. He's so upset that he makes the limo driver pull over so that he can get out and walk around for a few minutes. That sucks. He seems really sad. I think Jeremy has been through a lot, and he put a little too much stock into DeAnna being the one to save him. So sad.

So! What can you possibly be thinking now? It's Jason, right? It has to be. Right?

I wasn't expecting much from the Men Tell Nothing, but I have to admit that there were some golden moments. Stay tuned because I'm going to write about my favorite highlights from that tender reunion.

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

Men Tell Nothing Pre-Cap

Hey y'all...just chiming in on the Bachelorette for a minute. I wanted to pre-cap tonight's Men Tell Nothing episode and see how close I can get.

Here's how it will go: 20 minutes of recapping the recaps that we get at the beginning of every episode. $20 says there will be footage of DeAnna getting DeNied by Brad - truly priceless.

Then Chris Harrison, hopefully in some white jeans, will come out and pull each of the "significant" bachelors to the "hot seat" and ask them the important questions of the jilted bachelors:

The Chicago guy - how did it feel when DeAnna DeNied the chef, you thought you were safe on that date, then to all of America's surprise, you were sent home too.
- Yeah, I was surprised. I thought I was going to stay. But I didn't.

The Mullet guy - DeAnna said if she had a rose on your date, you would have gotten it, yet she sent you home that same episode!

"Yeah, what's your point?"

- I don't know, I felt a total connection with DeAnna, it came out of left field. I mean she just does not know what a good man looks like even if he's standing in front of her. I work out everyday on my elliptical machine and tan in my own tanning bed, because everyone knows you look thinner when tanned. Sometimes I even do 20 minutes in the sauna to get rid of the excess water weight, but I only do it in a swim suit that has a brand label.

Graham Cracker - DeAnna said you were the only one she was falling in love with, do you think she made a mistake in sending you home? Do you think DeAnna was asking you to go too fast? And what was in that letter?
- Ummm, I don't know. Where do I begin? I don't know what more to say.

"Did I mention I'm thinking of starting a children's charity?Visit GrahamBunn.com"

Then DeAnna shows up to answer all the tough questions like:
- How was this experience different than when you were competing with 25 woman for Brad Womack who dumped your ass on television?
- Did you know you can become a fan of Graham Bunn on facebook?
- Would you still eat a graham cracker with your s'mores?
- Did you know you can become a fan of s'mores on facebook?
- Are you happy? Did you find love?

"Why wasn't I good enough for Brad?"

DeAnna: "I can definitely say that I found love."

I get 5 points for each of these.

The Bachelorette: Hometown Follies

"Who's taking me home first?"

Welcome to DeAnna's journey across America, also known as the Hometown Dates! Tonight The Bachelorette crisscrosses the fruited plain to meet the families of her potential one and only. And what grand insights will the families provide? Join me as we get down to it!

So we start off with DeAnna taking us through a familiar journey detailing the four guys who are lucky enough to be welcoming her to their hometowns this evening. We've already viewed and dissected all of these moments with painstaking detail, so on with the show! First stop, Breckenridge, Colorado, home of The Riddler. The Riddler is looking the cutest he has so far in his light blue snow suit and non-matching gloves. His wacky hair even seems right in this setting as we get a montage of him doing his extreme snowboarding. He tells us that he's been teaching snowboarding for years and it isn't uncommon for his students to fall in love with him, so he's hoping that's what will happen when DeAnna takes her first snowboarding lesson today.

"I got dressed in the dark."

DeAnna tells us how much she's grown to care about The Riddler after spending more and more time with him, but there is always that unfortunate incident where DeAnna practically threw herself at him and he didn't dive at the chance to kiss her. How dare he? DeAnna is in a little snow suit of her own. Hers is cream with pinstripes. The lesson starts and DeAnna does fine until The Riddler lets go of her hands and then she goes tumbling. Now, I have tried snowboarding exactly once, and let me tell you, it is not easy. I hear that once you catch on it's great fun, but I spent an entire day sliding two feet then falling hard. My brain hurt from being jostled around so much. I guess I needed a teacher like The Riddler.

No brain injuries here.

The two little snow bunnies stop for a hot chocolate snuggle and a define-the-relationship chat. DeAnna feels safe with The Riddler, and he thinks it's hot that she's a natural athlete. He prepares her to meet his parents and she yammers a lot about needing a guy to depend on - like when The Riddler helped her after she fake-fell off the mechanical bull. Then he scoops her onto his back and swoops down the run with her riding piggyback. Somehow all I can think of is "Twilight" and the teenage vampire running through the forest with Bella on his back. DeAnna is even a huge wuss, just like Bella! (Sorry, I've been doing some summer reading.)

They head for The Riddler's apartment and just like every red-blooded American bachelor, he has one entire wall taken up by a plasma screen television. Then he tells her about his non-profit organization, JSAK. Just Snowboarding Ambitious Kids. It's for kids who don't come from a ton of money, but want to snowboard, which is expensive. Hmm, didn't Graham say on episode number one that he was THINKING about starting a children's charity? Well, here's The Riddler with a great one already up and running, he's three years younger than Graham, and he never had to mention a word about it. He's a good guy. DeAnna is all dumbfounded - thinking about her little life and her quest to put a stop to jilting bachelors. Here's an odd tidbit about The Riddler: he has labeled every shelf in his kitchen with a P-Touch label maker. Somehow that seems to clash with the plasma screen, but okay, I'll bite. We get a tour of his Hall of Snowboards and then see his log cabin bed, with a mini fridge next to it. There's that American bachelor! Then the doorbell rings and here are The Riddler's parents. His dad has totally long hair under a baseball cap, but wait! The hair is just part of the cap and his wife snatches it off of his head. Aw, a daddy with a sense of humor. That's actually quite funny. Perhaps too funny for serious little DeAnna.

Over dinner they talk about The Riddler's long hair and his dad asks if DeAnna is a share-er. Like, will she share her secrets? Is he kidding? She won't shut up. Next The Riddler and his dad sit down on the log cabin bed to talk things over. The Riddler says that DeAnna makes him feel the way he feels in a snowboarding competition. Well, let's not go crazy. I don't think she's all that exciting.

"She didn't even laugh at my long-hair-hat."

Downstairs The Riddler's mom tells DeAnna all about her fertility issues and how when she finally gave up on having children all together, The Riddler came along. Then The Riddler's dad sits down with DeAnna and tells her that The Riddler is ready to get married, but he's afraid. Then he cries over how much he loves his little boy. This is slight overkill - let's move along.

The Riddler takes DeAnna on a non-pumpkin carriage ride and he finally works up the nerve to give her a big fat smooch. Now he's totally fallen for her and ready to kick up the competition 10 notches. Look out!

And next we join DeAnna in Dallas, Texas, hometown of Jeremy. DeAnna wears huge cowgirl boots for the occasion. Jeremy comes zooming up to meet her on a motorcycle, which she thinks is sooo hawt.

Love, love, love

He takes her on a motorcycle tour of Dallas in case she ends up living there for any reason. Then they visit Jeremy's house and it is every bit as clean and organized as The Riddler's. Is this just for the show, because I've never seen a dwelling belonging solely to a male that is this clean in my life. Jeremy's closet is completely organized and he still has one room wallpapered with study material for the bar exam. Oh, it's his bedroom. Sexy.

"See? I took this really hard test called The Bar."

AND he has a dog named Chemo. I swear that's what he said. I'm not sure of the spelling, but it sure sounded like Chemo, as in short for chemotherapy. Hmm. They look through Jeremy's scrapbooks and he shows her pictures of his parents who have passes away, which is actually really sad. He reads from his journal the account he kept of his mother as she was dying and I'm needing a box of tissue. DeAnna cries and they realize that they have a unique understanding of each other, having both lost their mothers.

Jeremy's brothers, Jason and Patrick, and his sister-in-law Meredith come over to eat and meet DeAnna. Over dinner the brothers talk about what great friends they all are and DeAnna says "y'all" a lot. It turns out that Meredith also lost her father, so this is a great big bonding session over lost parents, which no one else can possibly understand. Meredith and DeAnna go out on the balcony and Meredith says that it's a big deal that Jeremy has opened up so much to DeAnna. Jeremy's brothers ask him how he can stand knowing that DeAnna is dating other guys and Jeremy says he just doesn't think about it and that is how he gets through this. Then DeAnna comes back inside and sits down with Jason and Patrick and Jason immediately tells DeAnna that they are on Jeremy's side, not hers. Well, that's friendly.

"We don't trust you TV people."

They talk about how weird this situation is and that the girl Jeremy ends up with has to get along with all of them, not just Jeremy. DeAnna says how perfect Jeremy is and how he's everything she's ever wanted and that scares her. (Can anyone say "Brad Womack?") Finally Jason and Patrick seem to relent a little and end things on a nicer note. DeAnna says she knows they're just protective of their brother.

After everyone leaves Jeremy and DeAnna sit in front of the fireplace in Jeremy's bedroom and he tells her that he doesn't just want her, he needs her. I'm not sure that I would take that as a compliment or a huge red flag at this stage in the game. They make out for a while and DeAnna talks about how perfect they'd be together. Jeremy says that everything just fits.
Next stop - Seattle! Jason jumps up and down when he sees DeAnna approaching and he scoops her up and twirls her around when she reaches him.

All you need is love.

They are standing in front of the Space Needle, which DeAnna has never seen or heard of. Oh DeAnna! That's embarrassing. No wonder Brad didn't want to marry you. Kidding, kidding. They take the super-secret passage way all the way up to the tippy top of the needle and take a good long look at Seattle. Then they eat in the rotating restaurant of the Space Needle and DeAnna frets while Jason gets her all ready to meet Ty. But here's a good sign. Both DeAnna and Jason want three kids! Destiny calling! In fact, DeAnna wants three kids before she's 30 so she's on a clock here. I've heard that guys find that really attractive (cough!).

Now it's on to the park where Ty is kicking a ball around with his au pair or auntie or whoever that is and as Jason calls out to him, Ty yells, "Daddy!" and runs into Jason's arms. They roll around on the grass as the music swells and DeAnna bawls. I swear! This is like The Bachelorette: After School Special. So many tugs at the heartstrings going on. Jason introduces Ty to DeAnna and she tells him that she brought him a present. Then she hands him a blue golf ball. I'm sorry, what? That is so random. It's like she saw it rolling on the ground or something so she picked it up. Who deliberately gives a single golf ball as a gift? And to a toddler? Whatever.

"Gee, thanks for nothing, lady."

They go to throw some bread to the ducks and we get this brilliant illustration of what a phenomenal father Jason is. I have to say that Ty is totally adorable and he looks just like Jason. It's actually really sweet to see how much Jason loves him, too. It's just such a sticky situation when there's a tiny person involved and an ex-wife who will always be lurking. I don't know, let's see what happens.

Insta-family

They head over to meet Jason's family, which includes his parents, two brothers and another sister-in-law. Jason's parents have actually prepared a Greek feast for DeAnna, which is totally sweet. Remember when Shayne's mom made English food for Matt last season? Ha ha. The family wants to know if DeAnna likes sports, and what it's like dating a bunch of guys at once, you know, the usual. After dinner the family sits around and Jason pulls out the scroll of Ty's star and shows it to him and I almost start crying again. What is wrong with me? They do a Greek toast and a Greek dance and then they all go outside and play leap frog. Okay, I get it - this family is child-friendly. Dennis, Jason's father, takes DeAnna aside for a chat. When she says she's okay being a stepmom, Dennis is very touched and tells her how special she is. They actually seem like a very warm family, which is sweet. As Jason gets ready to leave Ty starts sobbing. Then the whole family starts sobbing. It must be the Seattle weather. I hear it causes lots of suicides. Where do I sign up?

Boo...



hoo...



hoo...



Waaaah!

Later as Jason and DeAnna snuggle, Jason tells her that his heart is in a place it hasn't been in a long time. He tells us he's falling in love.

And on the opposite end of the United Sates we find Raleigh, North Carolina, Graham's hometown. At last! Some emotion-free footage. Graham is waiting around in front of the building that represents the pinnacle of his life - his high school. DeAnna acts like she is still in high school as she jumps out of the car and giggles like a little girl. Ah, the Graham effect. She shifts into her perma-grin and high pitched baby talk. They go into the high school gym, where the production staff has made up two basketball jerseys - both with Graham's last name on them, which DeAnna takes as a super huge hint. And what a sexy last name - Bunn. Ahem.

"Wee! He wants to marry me!"

Graham continues to act how he always does, and DeAnna tells us that he continues to surprise her. She offers him a kiss if he makes a half-court shot, which he misses, but she wraps around him to kiss him anyway, to his surprise. He pulls away pretty fast. Is his indifference what she finds so attractive? I thought that only worked on guys. After basketball Graham prepares DeAnna to meet his family and she has never heard so many words come out of his mouth at once.

"Wow, you can form whole sentences!"

We meet Graham's parents and as everyone sits down to chat, Graham's mom wants to know how DeAnna thinks she can know enough about a guy just from this process to know if she loves him. You see, love takes time to build, and you have to go through ups and downs with a person to create real love. Rubbish, Karen! The Bachelor/ette process works! Didn't you know? DeAnna fell in love with Brad, after all. Graham tells us that the way DeAnna looks at him sometimes feels very, very special. Wow Graham. I think YOU are very, very special.

Graham's obvious glory days

Graham's mom takes DeAnna into Graham's old bedroom, which hasn't changed since high school, complete with his trophy case. That's too funny. When I moved out, my mom had my room redecorated before the front door could close. I couldn't find a remnant of high school even if I wanted to. DeAnna tells Karen that she's had feelings for Graham since the first moment she saw him and wonders if Karen thinks that Graham is ready for a serious relationship. Karen admits that Graham doesn't usually have relationships that last more than four weeks. Well that's an encouraging thing to hear about a 29-year-old man. DeAnna tells Karen that she's worried she's falling for Graham more than he's falling for her and she doesn't want to get hurt in the end. Karen's answer? "You'll make the decision that works for you." Oh snap!

"Don't look at me, honey. You're on your own."

So DeAnna and Graham go sit on a bench in the woods and Graham's total presence is very non-encouraging. He barely touches DeAnna and he stares down at his lap the whole time she talks. He gives her one word answers and when DeAnna asks if this is how he would act if it were just the two of them he says, "This is how I am, so yeah." Wow. Does he need to get in a bikini and spell out "I'm not interested" in the sand for you DeAnna? He ends the conversation by saying, "Well good luck!" How sweet. Geez!

Do you feel the electricity?

It's time for the Rose Ceremony! DeAnna once again goes over the pros and cons of every single guy as she picks up each of their pictures in turn. The Riddler shows up dressed like Saturday Night Fever and Graham shows up in jeans.

The line up

Here comes DeAnna and here come the roses! The Riddler, Jeremy and... Jason! Graham, I'm sorry. Take a moment and say your goodbyes.

So Graham is going home and DeAnna is PISSED. They sit down outside to talk things over and Graham looks nothing but uncomfortable. He just keeps nodding and saying DeAnna did what she had to do, but she will not have it! She gives her now-famous speech about what happened when Brad Womack led her on and broke her heart. She feels like Graham is leading her on. He just says she's entitled to her opinion. No words of comfort, no assurances of his feelings, and dang it, this will not do! Care, Graham, care! I won't put you into the limo until you show some hint of disappointment about being let go! He won't even look at her. She starts bawling and says that she's saying goodbye to the ONE person she thought she was falling in love with. Well! Take that, whoever wins! The only one she was falling in love with after the hometown dates was Graham. And he could care less. DeAnna goes, "When you leave, it ends here." In other words, are you sure you don't want to stay, Graham? All it would take is a little nod from you and we can start all over. Just give me a sign and I'll keep you. Please! Please? No dice. Graham is ready for the limo.

"For the love of mercy, let me out of here!"

But first! Wonder of wonders Graham has written a note and he pulls it out of his pocket and says he would appreciate it if DeAnna would read it sometime. She just leaves it on the bench and they go to the limo. I'm surprised she doesn't tear it open with her teeth and beg him to stay. He gets into the limo without a hug or even a backward glance. During his Ride of Shame he says he's never been so relieved in his entire life. Just kidding, he doesn't say anything. DeAnna sobs as she reads Graham's note and worries that now she might not fall in love at all. Well, this all went horribly awry. Did Graham just do this for fun and find himself in over his head? What was up with all that?

Next week are the fantasy overnight dates! Also, it looks like we have The Men Tell Nothing, but supposedly we get to see what Graham wrote in his note. I'm sure it is literary genius. We shall see!

So! What are your theories on Graham? I can't wait to hear!

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta