Sobfest Tyra

Looking Like Models!!

We're already on Episode 4 of ANTM and only ten girls remain. The girls are reflecting on what a relief it is to have Eugena Monique gone. There's an obligatory group shower scene to appeal to the male demographic.

Jeada and Eugina are cleverly propped up in a confessional room where they read cue cards that Tyra herself wrote:

Jaeda: "I knew modeling was hard work, but I didn't know it was this hard."
Meanwhile, Monique Eugina is talking over Jaeda, looking off to the corner (at the cue cards) and repeating: "hard, hard work."

I wonder what they are comparing modeling to? Let's ponder what their alternative options are: working at the mall, being a waitress, selling cosmetics door to door, assembling Nike's in a factory...I don't know. What is the hard HARD part? Where someone does their hair and make-up? Or the part where they have to get up at 7a.m.? Or the part where they have to work two consecutive hours? Or maybe the part where they have to convey an emotion in a photo. SHUT UP!!!!!!!! Modeling is NOT hard work!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blue collar jobs are hard work. Jobs where you have to think are hard work. Quit whining about how hard it is to put on a dress in 15 seconds and walk a freaking straight line.

Tyra Mail - Don't get it twisted...bend over backwards for fashion. The music reminds me of Groove 103.1 back in 1999, so cool. They're going to learn high-fashion posing, aka, Xtreme Editorial Poses. Some guy comes in and shows them these poses:

XTREME Posing

And these poses:

XTREME Posing

And the "lady" is barking meanwhile, 'you have to do some of these poses for high fashion, you must!' WHAT? America's Next Top Brainwashed Young Lady! I'm not sure "you must" is really true. I can't see Linda Evangelista doing this:

XTREME Posing

They dress the girls up in 80s neon tights, cause nothing goes better with Xtreme Posing than neon tights.

XTREME Posing Gear

During the break from Xtreme Posing, the girls discuss why Anchal is a big fat lazy pig. MelRose thought she was doing her a favor by bringing this to her attention. Looks like MelRose is replacing Eugina's Monique's place as the drama creator.

Later that night, the bitches soak in the hot tub and gossip about Anchal and her big fat lazy ways. What was interesting was how loud they were doing it! They were practically screaming over each other, fighting to have their opinion about Anchal be heard. Clearly, Anchal overhears them and is saddened that the girls were so mean. A.J. reassures her that they're fake.

Commercial - skinny jeans and what is this? Save the Last Dance 2? On DVD? Same story, different actors - why not?

We're back and A.J. is reassuring Anchal, her honey, that they got her back. The gang is off to dinner at Oasis with Twiggy. Very uneventful.

Tyra Mail: Get ready to be knocked off a pedestal. I'm going to take a guess - they're going to do Xtreme Posing while being attacked by an American Gladiator (man, was that a great show or what??).

The Models' Next Challenge

Bao, the designer, is going to make the girls be 'art installations.' They have to do an Xtreme Pose while maintaining the elegance of the clothes. Sounds XTREME. The girls have their hair and make-up done, they are even dressed. I wonder if they have to use the restroom, the staff would place them on the toilet. Geez they don't have to do ANYTHING but exist. Yeah, this is hard HARD work.

After the models are ready, they are asked to stand on a pedestal and commence their Xtreme Posing. Brooke confessionals that her muscles were shaking as she stood and posed. Alright...is this for real? They're posing - not lifting heavy things, or moving furniture, or standing on their feet dealing with irate customers. They're doing Xtreme posing for like an hour!!!! Yeah, my muscles would shake too, if I were made of gelatin. What a bunch of wussies.

Megg even said it was "intense." These girls really have to get out into the real world. Eugena wins the competition; I guess her muscles weren't shaking.

Tyra shows up at the house for their therapy session. She wants to talk about a subject that is very important to her...is it about Dolphins? Or about being fat? Or maybe about strip clubs? Or perhaps it's about her breast implants. No, no, no, it's about her, and her fears. Of course! How could I get this wrong?

MelRose is afraid that she's old at 23. Thanks a lot!

Tyra delivers the most ironic statement in the history of ANTM - "I'm the least confrontational person in the world."

Such a Lamb

When Tyra hugs the girls, it looks like her head is about 1.6 times the size of the other girls'.

Tyra Mail: Model's aren't necessarily the most beautiful girls in the world. They tend to be gawky, have eyes that are too far apart and foreheads that are too big (of course). They're pretty much are FREAKS of nature.

A van drives the models out to the middle of the desert - Hard Work! Their shoot is about the 'freakshow circuses at the turn of the century.' Why? I wonder if they had Xtreme Poses at the turn of the century. I'm now convinced that Mr. Jay does in fact have a thing out for MelRose. He makes her the old lady!!! Ha ha ha ha, this after she announced her fear that she's old at 23. Genious. The model's get their hair and make-up done - Hard Work. The models then pose for about 30 pictures - Hard Work. They then relax and eat the food that is provided to them - Hard Work.

This is such HARD WORK!!!!!!!!!!

Judging is at 43 minutes past the hour - what crazy and time consuming tasks will the ladies have to do before they get compared to this:

Perfection!!

Apparently, all the girls are dressed like real models - all they are wearing are jeans and tank tops. Oh Tyra, if only I could see what it is that you see. What is this? No pre-judging task? I'm thrown by this no turn of events.

Here are the photos that I liked:

A.J. as a Cannibal

The Twins as Siamese Twins - Where do they come up with such clever ideas?

Caridee - Elephant Lady - Amazing. Best shot of the group I tought:

We are back to 10 beautiful girls stand before Tyra. Rock and Roll gets the stiletto boot.

And no wonder why - this is a terrible photo.

What did you think? Are you going to miss Rock n Roll? Is MelRose Monique part duex?

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All About Tyra

Episode 3 of Top Model starts this week with the ladies sliding down mattresses that were placed on the stairs - aren't they short on beds as it is? Seems like an odd way to pass the time. Perhaps it was a message to Tyra - 'You may have chopped our hair off, but we're still playing Repunzel.' (Geez - that's the second Repunzel reference I made in three Top Model posts.) Speaking of hair, Jaeda confessionals that she won't get back her hair until it grows back - thanks Kendra.

The first Tyra mail warns the girls - "Watch Your Step - Your Butt is on the Line." The girls are whisked away to a circus where they are met by the master clown - Miss J, and a tightrope. They are going to be practicing their balance and posture by walking a tightrope. Very clever euphemism - to walk the tightrope between friendship and competition, between moral and provocative, between lost and found. This great parallel HAS to be a coincidence.

Walking the Tyra Tightrope

At the tightrope we are also greeted by two tightrope instructors: Ritchie and Alex. After last week's hair stylists, I was expecting the tightrope instructors to be named "Cline on the line" or "The Pope of the Rope" or "Lance the Balance."

Back at the Cathouse the ladies receive another Tyra Mail - tomorrow they'll rock their own line. (With Cline?) Wow, more training. More walking in a straight line. This is really shaping up to be a riveting episode of America's Next Top Model.


Oh, I spoke too soon. At the Cathouse MelRose goes into the phone room that contains the only phone in the house. I wonder if next week the ladies will play a game jump rope with the phone cord. Monique also wanted to make a phone call, probably to hear her mom tell he that she IS a princes on the toilet throne and busts in on MelRose. Monique declares - "I shouldn't have to wait to use the phone." This after she used the phone for 3.5 hours the last time we were visiting them. I'm beginning to wonder if she maybe has some mental issues; she's clearly out of her mind. MelRose slammed the door of the phone room on Monique's ass - and her face was hilarious! Oh-uh, sounds like some sort of vaginal liquid retaliation is in store for MelRose. After MelRose finishes her call, Monique calls her mom (I called it) and tells her, in a very classy, ladylike manner: "I'm about to f*&% that b*&% up!"

Fight, Fight, Fight

It's now night time and most of the girls have gone to bed. Another sign that Monique is insane: she's curling her hair before she goes to bed. As she is doing that, a brilliant idea popped into her head. She peed in her panties and then rubbed her panties on MelRose's bed. Ladies and Gentlemen, actually, mostly the Gentlemen - beware of Monique's vaginal fluids, apparently they are to be used only for revenge purposes.

The next day they have a challenge to get dressed in a gown with heals and a mask in 5 minutes. Actually, the challenge is to walk in a straight line on a cobble stone walk-way, with a line of tape on the ground to guide you. Ok, is this really a challenge? These girls want to be models! You would think they could walk in a straight line, right? WRONG. Most of them can not walk in a straight line. That's like if I wanted to be a chef, but I kept going into the bathroom to bake. GET IT RIGHT!

Walking in a Straight Line Will Help The Washed Up Models Later in Life Too

Megg's hair is out of control - that has to be the worst make-over I've ever seen - ROCK AND ROLL.

A Make-Under, If You Ask Me

A.J. wins the walk-off. Her prize is a trip to Austin with two of her friends to appear in a fashion show hosted (?) by Dennis Quaid. All the models in the show are from past seasons cycles of ANTM - most notably, my favorite model of all time from this show - Mercedes! Hey girl!

Dennis Puts "Relevance" in Fashion

During commercial, we get to see what's up with Danielle, who now seems to be going by Dani. Hey Girl!

Dani Strikes a Pose

Back from commercial, and we find that Monique is "very ill." All of a sudden, this disgusting, foul girl is the most soft-spoken little kitten you've ever seen in your life. She actually goes to the hospital and recounts her experience of being....DEHYDRATED. Perhaps if she stopped wiping her vaginal fluids on others, she wouldn't be dehydrated.

Drink This to Replenish Your Lost Fluids

The next day is the big photo shoot. The best part of this show. Monique tries to be strong, but in the end quits the shoot and opts to lay in bed. What a trooper. I'm hoping, fingers crossed, that this will be the end of Monique. The photo shoot is at the end of a wobbly runway in the middle of a pool. YES!! I can't wait to see someone eat it. Maybe that will give the girls an ACTUAL legitimate reason to cry. At this point my roommie declares: 'Being a model sounds miserable.' Indeed!

There were only two notable incidents on the wobbly freeway of liquidity - when Caridee's boob fell out of her dress and she didn't even notice, and when Eugena fell and almost got submerged in the 'difficulty that is being a model' aka the pool. ANTM is just full of analogies!

Submerged in the Model Life

Back at the Cathouse, Monique continues to whine about something. See this is what happens when you behave like a reckless animal - people stop having sympathy for you. And I also believe that this was karma for all the negativity that she created.

Back from commercial and we're off to judgment day. You have to give it to the ladies for continuing to act excited as Tyra spews off the list of prizes that are the same every week. I caught a glimpse of Tyra looking bored at listing these off, so Kudos to the models. Although, I'm sure it's editing.

Here's a few highlights of the comments:

Caridee, when they told her she has a Paulina look and changed her hair, she responded with: I smell what you're stepping in:

Brooke, apparently, created the fan with her hair:

Anchal - they told her that she's lucky her outfit hid her face!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice, ha? I, however, thought that Anchal was starting to look more modern with her new hair cut and outfits:

MelRose - she's really starting to look like a model. [What? She looks so weird here]:

During every girls' evaluation, Tyra had some comment about how she did it when...blah blah blah. It's getting really annoying, because now they are accompanying these reminders of how great Tyra is with visual images of 'back in the day Tyra.' UGH.

After they excused the girls, the judges deliberated. At the end they even did a blues rendition of "She Don't Want to Be Here" about Monique, but then Tyra threw in the extra line, something to the effect of - maybe she needs our direction to help her, or some crap like that. I guess it was supposed to throw us off and confuse us about who will get the stiletto boot.

All of a sudden there's serious music on, and the Tyra whisper comes out - must be time to chop another model's head off. Please let it be Monique!

This time there are "11 girls who stand before me." Tyra has cut out 11 beautiful girls, then she cut out 11 young girls...now they are just 11 girls. Monique gets the boot because she didn't do the challenge basically and because she is evil. She turned around and left the judging room. Didn't even say goodbye to the rest of the girls, just left. Then as she was packing up, she said - The whole time there was a big waste of time! Good one Monique.

A Big, Fat Waste of Time

What do you think? Did Monique's shenanigans dehydrate her? Will MelRose's place at the Cat House be calmer now that Monique has stopped wasting her time? Will one of the models fail to walk the tightrope of a model's life?

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More Tyra

The Top Model Pyramid Scheme

Episode 2 of Top Model starts and ends with Monique - this season's cycle's dirty star. I've got all my money on her going to the final three or two. With the kind of scandal she oozes out, there's no way they'd get rid of her, plus the judges apparently think she looks like a Charlie's Angel, but a bit more smelly.

But first, I would like to mention that the show's theme song is now sung by Tyra! Where did this come from? Is she still trying to have a singing career after that terrible video she made the girls dance in - 'Shake Ya Body' - which to me looked and sounded just like an early J.Lo song. In other words, it was pretty terrible. Anyway, I noticed after the credits they showed a pic of Tyra and freeze framed on her mug for an uncomfortably long time. After about 10 seconds, I started to look around to see if others were squirming in their chairs from being stared at by Tyra. After 30 seconds, I began to blush and tried to look away from the television screen. After 6 minutes of Tyra's freeze frame, I ran to the bathroom and took out all my make-up and hair products and created a Tyra look for me, as at this point it was the ONLY acceptable action I could take. She IS the picture of perfection.

The episode starts with Monique complaining that she was awoken by 12 alarm clocks - how dare those 12 girls set an alarm clock when Monique is sleeping??? The ladies are off to breakfast with the bitchy Jays where they get a nice little lecture on being vulnerable and how that is the way to convey emotion in photos.

Tyra, sporting last week's wig, is acting like Oprah again when she went around screaming about hair cuts. It's make-over time!! And this season's cycle's make-overs are not that innovative. For instance, MelRose, who is a brunette, is now going to be a cheap beached blonde. And Brooke, who is a blonde, is going brunette. Wow. The best make-over story is Monique, whose look is inspired by....wait for it....TYRA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course.

Poor Anchal's forehead apparently is not big enough for Tyra, so they are going to thread her head to make room for more forehead. This sounds cruel and unusual. They keep unveiling mock-up drawings of the girls' new looks and when we get to Jaeda, they linger for a moment as she will have the biggest change in her look. I thought for sure they would reveal a mock-up drawing of Tyrese. But instead she's getting a massive hair cut. Tears follow, girls bitch and complain, and Monique hides in a closet because no one has seen her without her weave.



At this point blonde Jay threw a bitchfest with himself because he's tired of these girls and their drama. Six seasons cycles of this nonsense will do that to you.

The twins looked awesome with their new red hair, Megan looked great too with her short white pixie do. But I thought that Brooke looked the best with her chocolate brown hair, she looked amazing.

It's time for TYRA MAIL (which now has a picture of Tyra on it - this woman is like NASCAR, every inch of everything has her name and face plastered on it.)

TYRA MAIL!!

The girls go to their first challenge and Jay, still in a bitchy mood, is waiting for them. Jay says it's time to "make it up" to him for the drama they caused at make-overs. Their challenge is to put on make-up on floor one and get into an elevator in 15 seconds. Then on floor 15, they have to get out of the elevator and chose an 80s prom dress and make it back to the elevator again in 15 seconds. Then on floor 30, they have to get out of the elevator and chose shoes and accessories to match their ugly dresses and make it back to the elevator in 15 seconds. This goes on and on, when they get to floor 465, they will meet with Cover Girl executives, who have nothing better to do, and the girls have to sell them on their new "looks."

Monique missed the elevator at some point, and the girls started quivering in their boots that they will all get the fury that will be unleashed on them that night back at the cathouse.

Hold-up...the 'Cover Girl executives' is really Queen Latifah, who is a self-described baller. That's awesome. Did I mention Brooke looks great as a brunette? I love QL, she's so cute. We spend a few minutes with her and her "expertise" on make-up, and then the girls head back to the cathouse.

Monique, pissed off about missing the chance to meet Queen Latifah, gets on the phone. For 3 hours! Whoever is on the phone with her, I'm guessing her mom, is egging her on and we get a glimpse of where she gets her arrogance. Here is the quote from the mystery voice on the phone:

"When they mess with a child of God, they got trouble on their hand. You tell them: 'I am a princess on the throne.'"

Isn't everyone a child of God? I didn't know that Monique had the monopoly on that one. Also, who's messing with her? She was the one who failed her task of putting shoes on in 15 seconds.

Anchal decides to take matters into her own hands and gets violent with Monique and hangs up the phone. They get in a big fight, blah blah blah, after 3.5 hours, Monique goes to bed.

Back from commercial, the girls are whisked away to their photo shoot, where they are to be outfitted with 400lbs of hair and wigs, and another 200lbs of make-up. That makes total sense! After giving the girls a make-over - why not hide it behind a ton of hair and make-up?!?! I was totally curious as to how the girls will photograph with their new look and then they pull this stunt. The whole thing looked a bit weird.

A Peacock, Repunzel, and Tina Turner

Back at the house, the girls are gathered around a life-size Tyra cut-out and some candles where they pay homage to her nightly by chanting lyrics to "Shake Ya Body" when Monique sticks her hand in her hmmm hmmm and then in MelRose's face. That is sick! That is NOT the act of a 'princess on a throne.' I mean, can you picture Princess Dianna doing that? That is the act of an animal, or a contestant on 'The Flava of Love.' Monique is disgusting. Will she have ANY chance at winning this competition to be a Cover Girl? I mean after this, every time they would show her in a commercial applying make-up with her finger on her face, it would make me want to vomit.

At judging, there's a giant, three story photo of Tyra with a ton of hair and make-up, also known as the image of perfection for this photo shoot. I'm surprised they don't put that photo side-by-side with each of the girls photos and criticize them that way. "See how I show my neck and you don't??" "See how I show emotion in my eyes and you don't??"

"PERFECTION!!!"

Tyra makes a backhanded comment about the girls - "I don't recognize any of you. You all look amazing."

At judging, the word "pop" i.e. - your hair color makes your eyes POP...and...that shade of eye shadow makes your face POP - was used 6798 times (I counted!)

Tyra then chops someone's head off, but right before I noticed something different. She says "There are 12 young girls standing before me." What happened to 12 beautiful girls? I guess she's noticed what we've all seen since episode 1, not too many of these girls are actually beautiful.

What do you think? Can Monique pull off being a Cover Girl with her behavior? Will MelRose invite the girls back to her "place" at some point? Will Tyra start selling window clings with her image on it?

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Tyra

Who is the Center of the Universe? (Hint...in Green)

Another season cycle of ANTM, another set of wigs for Tyra to showcase. I was glad to see this show back on the tellie, but I have to say that the two hour premiere is just too long. I could have done without the first hour completely. I'm never into the "will she or won't she" make it on the cast, who cares. They're all the same to me until there are like 5 left. My roommie started watching it AT THE SAME TIME IT WAS ON! What? I was so flustered - what are we going to do during the commercials? She watched for about a half hour and then decided her brain had enough images of Tyra's different hair dos to last a life time and abandoned the room.

I Don't Wear Wigs!!!!

See! I'm So Gorgeous, EVEN Bald. I'm FIERCE!

So I clicked over to my list of recorded shows and watched two half-hour episodes of a new show called "Payback," where sports celebrities payback people who have helped them in their life. Two things - 1. payback to me has such a negative connotation, yet this show was about giving back in a wonderful spirit. Yet I never got over the title. 2. The payback in every episode was a customized car, and then the rest of the show is about how they customize that car. Ha ha ha. I mean it could have been called Pimp My Payback Ride. It's a good show, the two celebathletes were Dale Jr. and Tim Duncan, so I can't complain. I digress.

I have no notes, so this post is going on memory from two days ago. I apologize in advance. First of all, I read an article that ANTM was on a break because the writers were striking. Hmmm...begs the question, what is a reality show without writers? A canceled show. Second, didn't everyone hear Tyra say a few years ago - if you're not willing to get naked, you can't be a model. So why do we still have these young girls with "morals" showing up??? EVERY season, they get naked. And EVERY season the one who refuses gets the stiletto boot. Even on Janice Dickinson's Model Agency show, the stick figures who won't get naked don't get contracts. And it makes me question how come I know this and the contestants do not?

It's Christmas Time!

There's a naked photo shoot, some undercover photographers from The Girls Next Door scout for talent to be Heff's "girlfriend/intern/polygamist representative" (aka - HoneyGangsta's party MCs) Some girls don't want to take their clothes off cause "that's how they were raised," etc...blah blah blah...yawn. I think I dosed off during this segment - it was like The Bachelor, I could recite the entire scene from heart from season cycle 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Cuts are made and then they are sent to the house where the future Penthouse Pet's of the Year found themselves 2 beds short of a full house. Hmmm...does this mean there will be two pets who will be cut in the first episode? No. They simple wanted to mess with the ladies. And that they did with success as we get to know Monique.

I will Pee on You Too, Cause I am the Princess!

Monique is 19 and a marketing representative. Really? Ok. Anyway, we find out that she takes hour long showers and that even if she tries to hurry, she won't be done in under an hour. So deal with it! She also claims someone else's bed and marks her territory by dripping water on it, i.e. figuratively peeing on it. Like a dog. That's class if I ever saw class. Guess who will be hanging out till the very end of the series and getting the most air time?

We also get to know the 43 year old MelRose, who’s really Melissa Rose. How clever! ~ MelRose ~ I wonder if she sends out evite invitations to come have cocktails at MelRose's Place. Ha ha ha, so so clever. She's not very appealing to me.

I Don't Want to Look My Age, No Thanks!

And then we get to know the twins, well not really. I don't really have any grasp on their personality, but I did think they were extremely unattractive. But then they ended up having the best photos of the bunch!!

It's Not Hard to Act Like You Have an Eating Disorder when You Have an Eating Disorder

Lastly (notable) is A.J. who kicked ass in the photo shoot. Jay Manuel was gushing over how great she was at posing and working the camera and her photos came out great. But then, in a bizarre twist, she became a delicate, insecure, fragile, vulnerable puppy in judging. She started to cry because she doesn't look like the other girls who are there. Weird.

I'm Not Pretty Enough...wah wah wah.

I left out the most hilarious part of this season cycle - the model's cat house is decked, I mean PLASTERED with photos of Tyra. Pictures, posters, wall paper all with Tyra. Even the drapes had pieces of her hair extensions sewed in. She was EVERYWHERE. A little excessive if you ask me, I mean, this was Oprah's O Magazine (where she's poses on the cover of EVERY issue) to the 100th power. Tyra's ego is close to matching the size of her forehead. My gosh!!



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The Tyra Collection

Could it just be me, or are a great number of the contestants on this “cycle” of America’s Next Top Model just not that attractive? I know that Tyra Banks, the shining star of an example for everyone to strive toward and never reach, has said that high fashion models aren’t necessarily pretty, but have something “off” about them that make them interesting, and that is what makes them top models. Of course, look at her. She is such a freak show with that five-head, I mean geez. Come on, Tyra, no one is buying that crap. It’s like she’s trying to be so innovative and break all this new ground by finding ugly models. Yeah right. If we take a look at past winners, they are all nice and pretty. Sorry, just browsing the ANTM website and had to comment on this latest batch of freaks. (I am, apparently, quite the player hater, which according to Wikipedia, means: a term in African-American pop-culture that describes someone's obvious irritation with another's success. A player-hater is person that is jealous of what others have and is not shy about it.)

SO! This week the models had to dress up like dollies. This is actually the reason I love this show. I really love seeing their different photo shoots and how the makeup and costumes totally transform them. And then it’s so fun to see which ones are good at it and take really good pictures and which ones freeze up and just look like retards in funny clothes startled by that big black thing with a flashing light. I REALLY liked the dolly theme. And it seems like a can’t-miss, you know? Models acting like dolls? Ladies, this one is a given. Most of them did really well, too. I really liked the mannequin, the marionette, the ventriloquist, the rag doll – very cool. (Please note that on the mannequin photo there was a large sign that read: The Tyra Collection. This is in case we forgot for even a nanosecond whom we are here to worship.) Then we have Nnenna, the African princess who has never owned a doll. That was her big excuse for totally blowing this one. “Well, I’ve never owned a doll.” So everyone was supposed to drop everything and ponder how tragic it is that this beautiful girl has had such a deprived life that she never owned a doll. How sad. No doll? Okay, you win this one. WRONG. Ha ha ha ha ha! Guess what, bi-atch! I bet Jade never owned a mannequin, I bet Joanie never owned a ventriloquist dummy, and I’m pretty sure Danielle never had a marionette. Nice try, though. YOU LOSE! But don’t worry, your whiny insecure white boyfriend is being delivered to your apartment later in a box.

I also really liked the crying pictures. How cool! I would love a black and white picture of me crying. I’m not sure why, except that it seems very 1930’s movie star. Very Vivien Leigh. And for everyone’s delight and pleasure we have Tyra directing this photo shoot. Hooray! Our best friend and biggest cheerleader, Tyra Banks will be directing this photo shoot! This one should be a snap! Wrong again. You know she did it to have them all crapping in their panties. With Tyra on set running the show there will be no excuses. The paragon of modeling perfection was right in front of your face the whole time on this one, ladies. Mistakes are not an option.

I’m really liking Joanie after this episode. I have no idea how she made it to 2006 with those teeth, but at least she has pretty veneers now. Wait a second. Did I just say pretty? Couldn’t her messed up teeth be the freaky thing that makes her a top model? Hey Tyra, I thought we were trying to move away from pretty. I didn’t see anyone sending you to a plastic surgeon to lower your hairline. Why you gotta mess with Joanie’s teeth? And as we discussed, I “rilly” don’t like Jade, even though she’s “rill” and she keeps it “rill.” Ooh. I also liked Sara. She was a good teen doll and a good cryer.

I was wrong

America's Next Top Model:
Watch out because you won't be able to go a feet without seeing the newest ANTM - oh wait, you'll only see her on future episodes of ANTM and that's about it.

ANTM Finale TONIGHT!!!!

Tonight's the Finale - I can't wait. I'm going to make a prediction and say that Bre will be sent home first and then at the ultimate showdown where they strut their stuff on the catwalk - Nicole will choke because a pigeon will get near the set and she'll break into a musical/whimper and she's sees her ultimate defeat in her near future. Meanwhile, the strong and steady Nik will put all of her fears and anxieties in her fro to leave nothing but a quite calm FIERCENESS and she'll take the title of *whisper* America's Next Top Model.

ANTM Needs a New Host

You know when the kids come for judgement night and right before they go to that room that's the same no matter what country they're in, they show a photo of Tyra doing the same pose the the children did that week. Except of course, it's the standard of perfection.

Do you ever wonder if she comes in after the shoot and makes her self up and takes a photo? Seems kind of a waste and also makes her seem like she has a ton of time on her hands. Any insight?

My Favortie girl is Lisa - I think she's so great, and she's really pretty too, but not generically. I also liked that Nigel said he doesn't like her, that's funny. It's like CenterStage all over again, the girl will rise above it. I really think she's going to win it.

ANTM Gets GOOD

I was just watching America's Next Top Model last night - they replaced Janice (who, did you know, is the world's FIRST super model??!?!) with Twiggy!?! Um, ok.

So in this episode a beauty pagent twit refused to have another inch of her hair cut off even though they cut like three feet off already. That was weird, what's another inch? Oh right, she didn't want them to change who she is. So why become a model? Obviously, she was in the wrong place. So then she left, and I thought - well surely they're not going to be an elimination since someone just left.

I assumed they would make a cardboard cutout - a la Bean - of miss pagentry and have her line up with the rest of the girls in the elimination room. And then as Tyra calls their names one by one, the cardboard cutout would be moved left and right (and naturally knocked over a few times) as girls behind it go and get their week's wisdom from five-head and a picture because [whisper] they're still in the running to be America's Next Top Model.

And then there will be two, a live girl on the verge of tears (I hope it's not me!) and the lifesized cut-out. Then five-head will give her speech about why she should have cut her hair and question her commitment to the competition, which is naturally followed by an akward silence and a confused look on Tyra's face.

Then the other girl (obviously) will get her picture and continue in the competition. At this point the cardboard cutout will have a tear planted near the eye and as they pan back to it, you catch a glimpse of the PA's arm who planted the tear.

Then mysteriously, the cardboard cut-out would back up towards the exit (again, with the PA's jeans and sneakers clearly visible from behind) and a man's voice pretending to be a spoiled little pagent bitch says - Thanks everyone, I'll miss you ALL!

But instead, they just had a regular elimination. *sigh*