Friday, September 22, 2006


Who is the Center of the Universe? ( Green)

Another season cycle of ANTM, another set of wigs for Tyra to showcase. I was glad to see this show back on the tellie, but I have to say that the two hour premiere is just too long. I could have done without the first hour completely. I'm never into the "will she or won't she" make it on the cast, who cares. They're all the same to me until there are like 5 left. My roommie started watching it AT THE SAME TIME IT WAS ON! What? I was so flustered - what are we going to do during the commercials? She watched for about a half hour and then decided her brain had enough images of Tyra's different hair dos to last a life time and abandoned the room.

I Don't Wear Wigs!!!!

See! I'm So Gorgeous, EVEN Bald. I'm FIERCE!

So I clicked over to my list of recorded shows and watched two half-hour episodes of a new show called "Payback," where sports celebrities payback people who have helped them in their life. Two things - 1. payback to me has such a negative connotation, yet this show was about giving back in a wonderful spirit. Yet I never got over the title. 2. The payback in every episode was a customized car, and then the rest of the show is about how they customize that car. Ha ha ha. I mean it could have been called Pimp My Payback Ride. It's a good show, the two celebathletes were Dale Jr. and Tim Duncan, so I can't complain. I digress.

I have no notes, so this post is going on memory from two days ago. I apologize in advance. First of all, I read an article that ANTM was on a break because the writers were striking. Hmmm...begs the question, what is a reality show without writers? A canceled show. Second, didn't everyone hear Tyra say a few years ago - if you're not willing to get naked, you can't be a model. So why do we still have these young girls with "morals" showing up??? EVERY season, they get naked. And EVERY season the one who refuses gets the stiletto boot. Even on Janice Dickinson's Model Agency show, the stick figures who won't get naked don't get contracts. And it makes me question how come I know this and the contestants do not?

It's Christmas Time!

There's a naked photo shoot, some undercover photographers from The Girls Next Door scout for talent to be Heff's "girlfriend/intern/polygamist representative" (aka - HoneyGangsta's party MCs) Some girls don't want to take their clothes off cause "that's how they were raised," etc...blah blah blah...yawn. I think I dosed off during this segment - it was like The Bachelor, I could recite the entire scene from heart from season cycle 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Cuts are made and then they are sent to the house where the future Penthouse Pet's of the Year found themselves 2 beds short of a full house. Hmmm...does this mean there will be two pets who will be cut in the first episode? No. They simple wanted to mess with the ladies. And that they did with success as we get to know Monique.

I will Pee on You Too, Cause I am the Princess!

Monique is 19 and a marketing representative. Really? Ok. Anyway, we find out that she takes hour long showers and that even if she tries to hurry, she won't be done in under an hour. So deal with it! She also claims someone else's bed and marks her territory by dripping water on it, i.e. figuratively peeing on it. Like a dog. That's class if I ever saw class. Guess who will be hanging out till the very end of the series and getting the most air time?

We also get to know the 43 year old MelRose, who’s really Melissa Rose. How clever! ~ MelRose ~ I wonder if she sends out evite invitations to come have cocktails at MelRose's Place. Ha ha ha, so so clever. She's not very appealing to me.

I Don't Want to Look My Age, No Thanks!

And then we get to know the twins, well not really. I don't really have any grasp on their personality, but I did think they were extremely unattractive. But then they ended up having the best photos of the bunch!!

It's Not Hard to Act Like You Have an Eating Disorder when You Have an Eating Disorder

Lastly (notable) is A.J. who kicked ass in the photo shoot. Jay Manuel was gushing over how great she was at posing and working the camera and her photos came out great. But then, in a bizarre twist, she became a delicate, insecure, fragile, vulnerable puppy in judging. She started to cry because she doesn't look like the other girls who are there. Weird.

I'm Not Pretty Enough...wah wah wah.

I left out the most hilarious part of this season cycle - the model's cat house is decked, I mean PLASTERED with photos of Tyra. Pictures, posters, wall paper all with Tyra. Even the drapes had pieces of her hair extensions sewed in. She was EVERYWHERE. A little excessive if you ask me, I mean, this was Oprah's O Magazine (where she's poses on the cover of EVERY issue) to the 100th power. Tyra's ego is close to matching the size of her forehead. My gosh!!

Back to My Favorite Shows


Honey Gangsta said...

I am so stoked that ANTM is back on! The more shows, the better, I always say. Why are all the good shows on Wednesday, though? I get antsy the rest of the week.

This premiere actually snuck up on me, so I accidentally tuned in a few minutes into the second hour, and I must say that missing the fist hour didn't matter at all! I caught right up!

I love starting out with the beautiful examples of Tyra and how she is flawless and only needed five shots to ooze out perfection. Man she has all the answers. If only I could see more pictures of her to inspire me on how to become a supermodel. Wait – yes! The entire house is WALLPAPERED from ceiling to floor with pictures of Tyra! At last we have someone to look up to. And to think, I almost forgot what she looks like. No chance of that happening any time soon.

Totally agreed about how the girls are idiots for not knowing they have to get naked. Same deal with their makeovers. On the previews for next week, we see a girl bawling over her haircut. Hello!?!? This is not Season -oops- Cycle 1. We ALL know that they will be getting naked and getting makeovers! Firstly, it’s not like they’re posing for Playboy (which is a highly classy – cough, art form, cough – not pornography), their naked pictures never even show anything. It’s just to see if they can take the pressure. Secondly, they are trying to be MODELS! Getting your haircut should NOT be a surprise or an issue! MODELS, people! That’s all you do is hold still and let other people make you look a certain way. Stop your bawling. You DON’T get to be in charge of your own hair as a model. Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Give me a freaking break!

Monique is a marketing representative? I think we can safely say that either means telemarketer or phone sex operator. I don’t think she’s negotiating media buys here or anything. But “marketing representative” sounds better than “McDonald’s window sign painter.”

The twins are not cute at all, but I guess that’s what Tyra claims to be looking for. The truth is, she can’t put anyone in a position to be her own competition, so she kind of HAS to pick weird-looking girls, right? Oh Tyra, you are such a star maker. Such a mogul. Such an… Oprah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! NO.

Lastly, I love your links. Hilarious! I love the peeing ones, the dog ones, the dog-and-peeing ones, and I LOVED the German Melrose Place fan site! Awesome! Ganz ausgezeichnet!

Honey Gangsta said...

OMG! The Bachelor is going to be in Rome? And the Bachelor is an Italian prince? I should have auditioned!

OK buzzkill. I just read on and he grew up in America, so this is the kind of "prince" that would date Paris Hilton. Blah. Then it goes on to say he is a cosmetics magnate, which means he owns a pet day spa. Huh?

Um yeah, he looks really cute (Italian, go figure), but he's 34, a prince, and still can't find the right woman? I wonder why. Certainly he's been selecting highly intelligent, hard working, admirable women. This is quite the mystery.

Well, I'm sure ABC has lined up some very unique role model women to try out to be the princess. HA!