Thursday, October 12, 2006

Sobfest Tyra

Looking Like Models!!

We're already on Episode 4 of ANTM and only ten girls remain. The girls are reflecting on what a relief it is to have Eugena Monique gone. There's an obligatory group shower scene to appeal to the male demographic.

Jeada and Eugina are cleverly propped up in a confessional room where they read cue cards that Tyra herself wrote:

Jaeda: "I knew modeling was hard work, but I didn't know it was this hard."
Meanwhile, Monique Eugina is talking over Jaeda, looking off to the corner (at the cue cards) and repeating: "hard, hard work."

I wonder what they are comparing modeling to? Let's ponder what their alternative options are: working at the mall, being a waitress, selling cosmetics door to door, assembling Nike's in a factory...I don't know. What is the hard HARD part? Where someone does their hair and make-up? Or the part where they have to get up at 7a.m.? Or the part where they have to work two consecutive hours? Or maybe the part where they have to convey an emotion in a photo. SHUT UP!!!!!!!! Modeling is NOT hard work!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blue collar jobs are hard work. Jobs where you have to think are hard work. Quit whining about how hard it is to put on a dress in 15 seconds and walk a freaking straight line.

Tyra Mail - Don't get it twisted...bend over backwards for fashion. The music reminds me of Groove 103.1 back in 1999, so cool. They're going to learn high-fashion posing, aka, Xtreme Editorial Poses. Some guy comes in and shows them these poses:


And these poses:


And the "lady" is barking meanwhile, 'you have to do some of these poses for high fashion, you must!' WHAT? America's Next Top Brainwashed Young Lady! I'm not sure "you must" is really true. I can't see Linda Evangelista doing this:


They dress the girls up in 80s neon tights, cause nothing goes better with Xtreme Posing than neon tights.

XTREME Posing Gear

During the break from Xtreme Posing, the girls discuss why Anchal is a big fat lazy pig. MelRose thought she was doing her a favor by bringing this to her attention. Looks like MelRose is replacing Eugina's Monique's place as the drama creator.

Later that night, the bitches soak in the hot tub and gossip about Anchal and her big fat lazy ways. What was interesting was how loud they were doing it! They were practically screaming over each other, fighting to have their opinion about Anchal be heard. Clearly, Anchal overhears them and is saddened that the girls were so mean. A.J. reassures her that they're fake.

Commercial - skinny jeans and what is this? Save the Last Dance 2? On DVD? Same story, different actors - why not?

We're back and A.J. is reassuring Anchal, her honey, that they got her back. The gang is off to dinner at Oasis with Twiggy. Very uneventful.

Tyra Mail: Get ready to be knocked off a pedestal. I'm going to take a guess - they're going to do Xtreme Posing while being attacked by an American Gladiator (man, was that a great show or what??).

The Models' Next Challenge

Bao, the designer, is going to make the girls be 'art installations.' They have to do an Xtreme Pose while maintaining the elegance of the clothes. Sounds XTREME. The girls have their hair and make-up done, they are even dressed. I wonder if they have to use the restroom, the staff would place them on the toilet. Geez they don't have to do ANYTHING but exist. Yeah, this is hard HARD work.

After the models are ready, they are asked to stand on a pedestal and commence their Xtreme Posing. Brooke confessionals that her muscles were shaking as she stood and posed. this for real? They're posing - not lifting heavy things, or moving furniture, or standing on their feet dealing with irate customers. They're doing Xtreme posing for like an hour!!!! Yeah, my muscles would shake too, if I were made of gelatin. What a bunch of wussies.

Megg even said it was "intense." These girls really have to get out into the real world. Eugena wins the competition; I guess her muscles weren't shaking.

Tyra shows up at the house for their therapy session. She wants to talk about a subject that is very important to it about Dolphins? Or about being fat? Or maybe about strip clubs? Or perhaps it's about her breast implants. No, no, no, it's about her, and her fears. Of course! How could I get this wrong?

MelRose is afraid that she's old at 23. Thanks a lot!

Tyra delivers the most ironic statement in the history of ANTM - "I'm the least confrontational person in the world."

Such a Lamb

When Tyra hugs the girls, it looks like her head is about 1.6 times the size of the other girls'.

Tyra Mail: Model's aren't necessarily the most beautiful girls in the world. They tend to be gawky, have eyes that are too far apart and foreheads that are too big (of course). They're pretty much are FREAKS of nature.

A van drives the models out to the middle of the desert - Hard Work! Their shoot is about the 'freakshow circuses at the turn of the century.' Why? I wonder if they had Xtreme Poses at the turn of the century. I'm now convinced that Mr. Jay does in fact have a thing out for MelRose. He makes her the old lady!!! Ha ha ha ha, this after she announced her fear that she's old at 23. Genious. The model's get their hair and make-up done - Hard Work. The models then pose for about 30 pictures - Hard Work. They then relax and eat the food that is provided to them - Hard Work.

This is such HARD WORK!!!!!!!!!!

Judging is at 43 minutes past the hour - what crazy and time consuming tasks will the ladies have to do before they get compared to this:


Apparently, all the girls are dressed like real models - all they are wearing are jeans and tank tops. Oh Tyra, if only I could see what it is that you see. What is this? No pre-judging task? I'm thrown by this no turn of events.

Here are the photos that I liked:
A.J. as a Cannibal

The Twins as Siamese Twins - Where do they come up with such clever ideas?

Caridee - Elephant Lady - Amazing. Best shot of the group I tought:

We are back to 10 beautiful girls stand before Tyra. Rock and Roll gets the stiletto boot.

And no wonder why - this is a terrible photo.

What did you think? Are you going to miss Rock n Roll? Is MelRose Monique part duex?

Go to Episode 3
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1 comment:

Honey Gangsta said...

You know, sometimes they have to actually MEMORIZE and SAY a line, like, "New Cover Girl Midnight Mascara. It won't come off before midnight." That is really, really hard work. Plus, they don't just get to say it, they have to be holding the mascara - RIGHT SIDE UP - at the same time. They may even be asked to show off the product by blinking, but we wouldn't want to push them too hard.

Can I tell you how much I enjoyed the links to Tyra's controversial topics? They were all from different sources and all extremely entertaining. She's afraid of dolphins? I guess you have to be afraid of dolphins now to be perfect.

This is hilarious! I was laughing so hard thinking how much hard work this all has to be for them. Riding in a van, holding still to get makeup put on. Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah, it's not like they're mining coal or designing aircraft. They're not even mopping floors or bagging groceries. And they will get paid absolutely insulting amounts of money to do this. So disgusting. They're not doing anyone any favors.