Streams of Tears Down the (Project) Runway

We’re back for the exciting, yet soggy second episode.

Yay for crying

As we get a shot at Gotham City’s apartment, I can’t help but get nostalgic about my life of 3 months ago. We get a bit of conversation going on in the guy’s apartment; they seem to think that Elisa should have gone home. They get ready and head to the runway to be debriefed. On the runway we meet Heidi who reveals herself from behind the silk screen. We are informed that for the first challenge the designers were assigned the models, and now its time to pick the models. I can’t help but wonder if any of them will pick Heidi. I also can’t help but wonder why no one has thought this idea funny enough to actually do it. I guess it’s just me. It becomes apparent to me that Heidi is wearing really high heels and all black, and I wonder if maybe it’s because she’s surrounded by ultra skinny and tall “models.”

During model selection, Ricky decided to color outside of the lines and took Elisa’s model. Frankly, I’m not sure why Elisa needs a model. It seems so conventional. Maybe if she had a voodoo doll that she could dress up and motorize, it would be more her style. In the end, Ricky’s model Wendy was not picked by anyone, and honestly, when they flashbacked to her walking in the black and silver baby doll, it’s very clear why. Poor blondie. Auf wiedersehen!

The debriefing

For their next challenge the designers will be designing for a pop culture/fashion icon. Who could it be? What semi-relevant, definitely-not-iconic person have they found this time to dress? Tim Gunn will fill us all in on the details as well as introduce them to the icon. And off we head to the workroom, where the designers speculate who the icon can be. Here are some ideas that were thrown out: Madonna, Britney, followed by: “she needs help,” and Snow White, followed by “that would be fantastic.” Madonna is way too big to be going on a reality TV show. And Britney, though agreed by many that she needs help, is not invited to Project Intervention, so I’m not quite sure why concerns about her personal life are relevant.

Tim-isms: Expensive clothes are not in his vocabulary. Tim shops at Banana Republic. We’ve become a nation of slobs.

Tim finally joins them and asks for a gathering round. I’m anticipating a commercial, but instead in, we push forward and meet our fashion icon – Sarah Jessica Parker. It all happened so fast, I was personally hoping it was going to be Michael Kors…but I’m not the decider. The Bachelor is. Back in the workroom, SJP’s existence has moved Chris to tears! That’s how much he loved Sex & the City. Don’t worry big guy, the movie is coming. Wait a minute! I bet that is why she’s on this show. Tim introduces her and keeps calling her Sarah Jessica. The challenge this week is to design a 2 piece look for SJP’s line called Bitten. Bitten is all about creating high end, American Sportswear at affordable prices, giving every woman what she needs. This challenge is about affordability. The entire outfit should retail at $40. Their budget is $15. This seems high to me, but what do I know. At this budget, Chris starts speculating that he will have to use toilet paper and scotch tape. SJP will meet with each of them individually to review their ideas and pick half to go forth on their designs and have them pair up in teams. Sweet P doesn’t mind working on a team, as long as it’s a good team – ummm, yeah, just like everyone else on this planet.

Waterfalls

SJP was kind enough to bring dossiers for the designers that details her line, the colors, the styles and the items that are now included. They have 30 minutes to come up with an idea. Waterfall time once again when Ricky is driven to tears at the prospect that “he knows he can do this!” I’m driven to tears that I have to watch people on this show that are not Michael Kors.

During presentations to SJP, Chris can barely talk, he is so nervous. He’s sweating profusely (in the shape of Kors’ silhouette). Another designer finished his presentation and walked off as SJP put her hand out to shake it. It was kinda funny.

The chosen seven that impressed SJP are:

Elisa (of course)
Kit
Victorya
Marion
Ricky
Christian
Rami

As SJP calls out the designers’ names, I notice that she whispers some of them. It was kind of irritating. She also said something about how hard it was, assuming that she’s hurting half the designers’ feelings by not choosing them. I wonder why she’s not ecstatic that she’s giving half a chance! She doesn’t strike me as a very business savvy woman.

More good news comes – the winning design *may be* sold as part of the Bitten Fall/Winter collection. Ha ha ha, just like their final line *may be* sold on Blue Fly. Hey if you buy a lottery ticket and they call your numbers, you *may be* a millionaire! Or not, depending on producers’ input.

Off to commercial we go, and Jeffrey shows up on my screen, all gross and irritating, just like how I remembered him. He’s driving the Saturn he won, and he looks SO NOT in his element in it. He looks like he’s trying to pretend to be a normal person while the government is looking. He also has some dumb blog about his thoughts. Unless you’re recapping the episodes, your efforts are futile Jeffrey. No one liked you.

Back from break, and we are still in the workroom. The picking of the teams seems to take forever. This whole process seems to take forever – we’re at 20 minutes and we’re still just lallygagging with technicalities. Let’s get to it already. And by that I mean, let’s get to Kors already.

"Anyone who watches Project Runway knows
that I have a favorite outfit for myself"

Kors Break: Bright colors are not just for warm weather anymore. Think about a great piece of taxi yellow.

Back in the workroom, Rami is envisioning something loose – which is evident from his toga dress last week. Elisa while measuring her fabric, spit on it to mark where to cut the fabric. At this Sweet P, and the collective American viewers did a prayer for their future. When asked why she spit on it, Elisa said she imbibed it with energy and essence. Oh, right. Clearly. I swear she has a voodoo doll, and I bet it’s a morph of all three judges – it has long blonde hair, a killer tan, and a bad attitude.

Tim comes in for some mentoring and tells Elisa that hand sewing is coo koo. The crazy wants to hand sew everything. To get a juxtaposition of lack of time, we get a shot at the workroom clock, which I notice disturbingly is brought to you by Brother’s Sewing Machines!!! When will this get worked into Tim’s vernacular? “The deadline for this challenge is 1am, and according to our Brother’s Sewing Machines clock, that’s in 7 hours from now. It’s make it work Brother’s Sewing Machines time.”

Back from break – Tim reminds the designers to knock SJP’s stockings off. In come the models, and I notice that Christian’s model seemed quite thick and boxy. I noticed on the runway too, she has a weird body lacking a figure. The models get primed and dressed, and it’s commercial time again.

It’s KORS TIME…err, I mean runway time. Out comes Heidi wearing something close to what Sabrina from gossip girl wore on her first date with Brooklyn boy.

Heidi warns the designers that the judges better be wowed! Let’s meet the judges…

First is the incredible, the incomparable Michael Kors looking ever more fabulous in his black shirt, black blazer combo. I notice in distant shots of Heidi that she is wearing something funny, like black heels and white socks, but I can’t figure it out. Other judges are Nina Garcia and SJP, who will pick the winner.

Kit/Chris – managed to make the model look fat...well ok, just unflattering

Elisa/Sweet P – the fabrics don’t seem to match, but it’s cute

Judges remarks: great job, you get a lot for the money. Drapes beautifully.
Has a swing, very cute. Great pieces


Rami/Jillian – very cute

Marion/Steve – American Indian and scratchy

Judges remarks: Nice idea, but proportions are awkward. Costumey, Pocahontas. Stops short of the intentions of sketch. I don’t get it at all, looks like it’s out of a basement, it looks dirty. Homeless, dirty, sad. Executed poorly. It was melting

Victorya/Kevin – I love this dress, but not the vest

Judges remarks: really good job. Charming, a lot of people can wear. We love the back. Versatile and beautiful. Simplicity that’s interesting.

Christian/Carmen – didn’t seem to match, unflattering (that model is not thin).

Judges remarks: Fashion 80s. Addicted to love. Very retro. More severe in person than on paper. I also hated that. Next thing you know, you add some big earrings and we’re back to Facts of Life.

When asked who should go, we have our third waterfall, when Carmen breaks into tears having to say that Christian should get the hell out.

Ricky/Jack – dress is really cute, kinda plain, good color

The winner is Victorya/Kevin, and Bitten *will be* selling the outfit in their collection.

Victorya’s reaction is so funny, as she’s listening to all of this, she grabbed Kevin’s hand and wanted to get off the stage. I always wonder why people aren’t a little more gracious and actually get excited about winning? It’s the Lauren effect.

It’s down to Marion and Christian, and you, me and America all know that Marion is out – Christian is too quirky to let go. And Marion is super duper boring. I didn’t even remember him from the first episode.

SJP looks very uncomfortable during this process.

As predicted, Marion is out. SJP couldn’t even look up as the news was delivered, she was so ashamed. I’m telling you, I would not want to work with her. She seems to have little business sense and whole lot of feelings towards things.

Next week we have another insane crotch!!!!! I love Michael Kors.