Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Mafia Draped in Lipstick and Cashmere in the Jungle of Manhattan

I saw Cashmere Mafia on my TV’s guide one night, and I decided to DVR it out of curiosity. Not knowing anything about this show except the name I already knew it was going to be about stylish, professional women friends who work in Manhattan. Like Lipstick Jungle, it’s yet another spin off of one of the funniest and clever depiction of women in their 30s – SATC. What I didn’t know was how amazing and strapped women with careers are supposed to be.

I was much more curious about Lipstick Jungle than Cashmere Mafia, since they didn’t bother to spend the money to promote the latter, how could they expect me to care? In a word, Cashmere Mafia is Godawfullymoronicandretarded. Another word that comes to mind is Ludicrouslyfuckingstupid.

What the hell is ‘Cashmere Mafia’ supposed to convey anyway? I get that cashmere is luxurious and expensive and versatile in both hot and cold weather. But mafia? A group of girlfriends don’t automatically make a mafia. Nor are they conducting any business that might lead you to believe there’s any element of mafia present. It’s just dumb, just like the show.

Mafia Staff Meeting

What surprises me is that Lucy Lu is one of the stars of this retarded show – I thought for sure she’d lend an air of legitimacy to the whole thing. I was wrong. She’s the worst of all the women on CM. First, she wears the most ludicrous outfits, including a bright orange afghan as a top, and earrings rivaling the size of bowling balls – also obnoxiously orange. She’s dating an Asian man who seems to be confused about being an actor on a show. He channels Kit Ramsey from that movie Bowfinger where they were filming him in real life and pretending he was acting. In one of the earlier scenes, they are at a dinner party (mafia staff meeting?) and the Asian man, who happens to be a doctor in his 20s, had to leave abruptly because he was paged. Lucy Lu and the doctor bust out in CHINESE! They spoke about 5 lines in Mandarin. It was so bizarre. Then the manny to the lady who threw the party, also in his early 20s, hit on Lucy Lu 5 minutes later. Uh, what? Previews for the second episode show Lucy Lu making out with another man. Wow, ok…I guess we are to believe Lucy Lu and her high-end fashion bitchy-ness is in high demand. Suspend your disbelief people.

Why are there cameras everywhere?

The second woman is married with a child, and we immediately find out that she has NO TIME for anything but her job. No time for her kids, no time for her 10 year anniversary, no time to eat, she’s very, VERY busy at work! So we go to work with her, where she openly and gratuitously flirts with her “work husband” whom she’s never met but over video conference. Guess what! He’s coming to New York next week! Gasp…she flutters and blushes. Did I mention she’s married with children? Oh right, who has time for that? She’s the one who threw the dinner party for the mafia, and the talk is all about how busy she is with work, and how stressed they all are, because you see, they have CAREERS! I’m starting to get the idea that this is going to be the theme of the mafia – they are busy, busy career professionals hammered into the ground until you get to the other hemisphere.

The third woman is a mother of a teenager who posted a photo of herself on a social networking site holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and a glass bong in the other. Her school found out and notified the parents. The parents are too busy getting a divorce and facials to care. All the teenager wants is to go to boarding school. I don’t get this at all. She’s in school in Manhattan and is begging her parents to let her go to boarding school. At the dinner party, busy, busy adulterer says to the woman something along the lines of – how could you feel so all over the place, you’re the COO of your company! WE GET IT! You all have careers! Is this a new notion for some? Women who have jobs? My gosh.

The fourth woman is the worst actress of them all. She’s apparently gayelle (that’s the new term for lesbians for those not in the Bay Area), goes on dates (and sleeps with) men, and has a partner who is pregnant from an ex-boyfriend. Yeah. Figure that one out. cashmere?

At least Lipstick Jungle has some credible acting and a character named Niko, who also goes by Nik and Niki. The best part about that is that she’s not a stripper or a hooker! Imagine that, a positive example of Niki. Lipstick Jungle is also a little annoying with their insistence that these women have careers. But they are also very sensitive. As ‘Best Week Ever’ pointed out, all three of the ladies of LJ cried in the first episode. Ha ha ha. Not that this isn’t indicative of women with careers, I cry at least once a week. I also don’t really get the title – a jungle of women who wear lipstick? Huh? I keep thinking about lipstick lesbians, that’s the only connotation I get. But no one is gayelle on this show, so….I guess we are to remember they are women who wear make-up in the jungle. I don’t know. But there is a saving grace…the best part is that Andrew McCarthy, the hottie from my favorite movie Pretty in Pink, is a main character trying to win the fashion designer’s heart. He’s so dreamy, it makes me want to go out and get a career! Oh wait, I already have one.


Jeanette said...

awesome, awesome, awesome. I too was very intrigued by both of these shows, and subsequently very disappointed. I appreciate the effort of the "can women have it all?" theme, both neither of these shows works. Just sad.

Laura said...

I've DVR'd all the episodes of Lipstick Jungle, but have yet to watch them. I'm still backed up on my "rock of love" and "scott baio is 46 and pregnant" haha, which are both amazingly awesome shows. hahaha. But I'll have to check out the Lipstick one.... although Cashmere Mafia sounds like such a train wreck that I might have to watch that one too!! haha

sd said...

where did you go, i miss your posts!

NoiXdeCoco said...

Thanks for your note! Honey Gangsta is coming back as soon as next week with the Bachelor! Very exciting, I personally can't wait. And I am going to pick a show soon too.

Thanks for reading :)