Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Next Bachelor - Single Daddy Edition

This handsome single dad will star in his own bid for **true love** (on a game show) when The Bachelor returns in January 2009!

On Monday while I was watching Dancing with the Stars, daydreaming about being a dancer and imagining my head on their bodies, gliding through the air and shaking my money-maker, I saw a commercial for the new Bachelor to premiere in January! Exciting. Until I saw that they picked Mr. Nice Guy-snooze-fest-single-daddy Jason from last season. This is recycling the recycling, as he is from DeAnna’s season, who was from Brad’s season. This happened when Meredith became the bachelorette from Bob Guiney’s season, who was from Trista’s season, who was from the original Aaron’s first season of The Bachelor. They’re acting like these people are so interesting that we have to keep them on TV season after season.

I’m just so-so on these recycled people as none of them have really pulled me in. Rule of thumb, if you weren’t picked, you kinda sucked anyway, right? But then when I think of the other Bachelor’s that came from out of nowhere, like Jessie Palmer, Dr. Travis (barf) and worst of them all, Andy Baldwin, I realize that the requisite to getting your own Bachelor show is to inherently be awful and douchy. Except Brad, I still think he was genuinely decent up to the last episode.

After researching the upcoming season of the Bachelor, I found an article dated August 20th that announced that Jasnore will be the new Bachelor, and I was shocked I haven’t heard anything about this until November 17. I was also shocked at this: “fans have been lobbying hard for him to become the next Bachelor.” People stopped making dinner, turned off their television, opened up a laptop, and wrote a convincing letter to petition for a guy they’ve never met, then looked up the address to ABC, printed the letter, addressed an envelope, put a stamp on it, and mailed it!

I also found out that the above mentioned Bob Guiney was divorced – but he was one of 2 season’s I didn’t watch religiously (the other was the old guy who picked the Latina that beat him up later.)

"True Love"

Jasnore must have been bitten by the showbiz bug or he thinks that he will really find a wife this way – that the 13th try will be the time it works out. Why would he put his 3 year-old son through this is beyond me. He will be exposed to all of the world and their criticism on a cheesy reality show that has NEVER worked in finding the Bachelor a sustainable partner.

Here are some predictions on the season (not too hard since each season is a carbon copy of the last).
  • Jasnore will find this process to be a lot more difficult than he had expected
  • Jasnore doesn’t want to hurt anyone; he didn’t come here to hurt anyone
  • The women will “definitely see themselves” with Jasnore and his 3y.o. luggage
  • Something will surely be ‘ironic’ when really it will just barely qualify for ‘coincidental’
  • There will be tears, and lots of them. And most will be from Jasnore.
  • He’ll wonder when its a million miles from appropriate timing if this was such a good idea for Ty. No Jasnore, it wasn’t
  • Every rose ceremony will be the most dramatic one in Bachelor history, as Jasnore whimpers in confusion and regret
  • He will undoubtedly pick the wrong woman
  • This one is going out on a limb – but I am going to predict that because he will be surrounded by beautiful women on their best behavior, his ideas about what will work for his situation will go out the window, and he’ll pick the best looking lady who will be bossing him around

Good luck buddy

I’m still curious about what happened with his previous marriage; it is quite unusual for the man to have full custody of a small child. I remember people speculating that his wife turned out to be lesbian, which should surely make Jasnore nervous to date 25 women who hang out in their PJs in a mansion having pillow fights all day. Just a thought.

What do you think DeAnna and Jesse thought of all this?

“Pappas and Csincsak had also been campaigning for Mesnick's The Bachelor selection.

"Jesse and I are all about [Mesnick starring in The Bachelor]," Pappas told reporters during her own post-finale interview. "We are going to be friends with Jason forever. He's a great guy, he wishes the best for us, and we definitely think that he would make a wonderful Bachelor. We'll be there all the way, threatening the girls and telling them they better treat him right."

I’ve had it with Pappas.


Diana said...

Didn't you know Pappas and Jesse are no more?! About two weeks agoish. Gee one couldn't see that coming... As for Jason he's to much of a nice guy, this show will ruin him and his little dude.

NoiXdeCoco said...

Oh yes, I heard: She loves him, she's just not 'in love' with him. It surely is hard to swallow.


Paul said...

Hahaa great column! New Bachelor is gonna suck big-time. Add to your predictions:

- all the chicks will be falling over themselves to give Ty golfballs and stars and similar saccharine BS

What would be sweet is if Jason took the star that was named for Ty and renamed it for one of the sluts on the show: "you mean so much to me i'm taking away my son's star and giving it to you. take THAT, DeAnna!"

Christina said...

color me excited. final prediction: jsnore, best bachelor ever.

Kristine said...

HA. When I saw this feed I was thinking, "tell me I didn't miss the first episode already?!" I don't know where you've been cause jsnore is old news. :) Interesting update on Bob. I didn't know he was divorced, although it's secretly satisfying because he totally dissed his bachelor bride after the show and turned hollywood on her. Same, I've heard, for Deanna. Now I'm thinking she totally deserved the dump by Brad. The girl is more interested in her "acting" career, which we all know is a lost cause. This is totally unrelated, but when you get a second, can you email me about Twilight? Have you read the books and if you have, did you/will you see the movie? I went to the midnight show with my kids' babysitter and the whole time I kept thinking "I can hear Jamie laughing at this part!" Hope you're well... are you up for a redezvous with Heather and I in March or April? You never answered my Facebook question...