Sunday, September 27, 2009

Models of the Runway: Models Model in order to Model

Vanessa waits.jpg
"Ra'mon gave me lizard skin to make me a lizard for Ra'mon."

Moments before... it's the same as always. The Models of the Runway whose designers are in the bottom two are quivering with fright.

This week Ra'mon and Louise sucked the worst, so Vanessa and Fat Ma are feeling like fools in their so-called "movie costumes." Vanessa is really the one actually LOOKING like a fool, however, as Ra'mon threw together a last-minute lizard lady dress for her from which she even peeled off a strip of material as she strutted down the runway. Still no one knows what that was about.

Vanessa models.jpg
Ssssssssso not ssssssssexy.

Fat Ma doesn't really look ridiculous; it's just that Louise's "story" was ridiculous. An out-of-work actress in the 40s going to a party dressed like a flapper?

Fat Ma models.jpg
See, it's a period within a period. Period.

Try again, Louise. Supernatural stories seemed to work well with this challenge, so maybe if she had been a 400-year-old sorceress from Planet Flapper this would have worked. Well, Ra'mon lost and so Vanessa is pretty sure she's going home.

Nicholas won for dressing Celine up like a snowflake queen from a distant star, but I have my suspicions that her hair and makeup went a long way with getting him the win because they kept stressing that this was a L'OREAL CHALLENGE and Celine looked like this:

Celine models.jpg

Celine explains that they sprayed dry shampoo in her hair and drizzled sugar water from the top of her head to make her look frozen. Then she says, "Come on, give me some credit, I had sugar all over me. I mean, I better win something." Celine, there are few days when I DON'T have sugar all over me and no one's handing me any prizes. Of course, mine is of my own doing as I cram candy and other goodness into my face, but still. The complaining models drive me nuts. Is she afraid she'll get fat by osmosis?

The girls try to collect themselves in the model tank and Fat Ma tells us she can't do this anymore. Will it be back to Africa then, Fat Ma? To deal with some REAL problems? Ra'mon comes in to say goodbye and apologize to Vanessa, who says, "I had a lot of fun doing it. And I had so much fun." She's the girl from week one who said, "a space suit from outer space." Her new name is Redundant. Both because of how she talks and because of what she is.

bye Ramon.jpg
"I look forward to our upcoming meetings in the future!"

Heidi time! Redundant complains that she didn't like the outfit she had to model this week because she didn't like it. SIDENOTE: Lisa looked like Delta Burke when she gave her in-costume interview. She flashed on the screen and I was like, "Who the crap is that fat chick?"

Delta Burke.jpg
Suzanne Sugarbaker is back in the modeling business?

It must be her face shape because she obviously has an emaciated body:

Lisa models.jpg
PS: Action Adventure is now synonymous with The Matrix.

Celine says she liked her outfit because it reminded her of Narnia. That's cause that's where Nicholas stole the idea from, Celine.

See the sugar daggers on her head? Where's her award?

Redundant asks Heidi: "Have you ever had to wear something that you absolutely hated or didn't like?" Um hello? Have you already forgotten last week's thrilling python story? And besides, what do YOU think, Redundant? She's a supermodel. That means she's modeled hundreds of outfits. Do you think she liked every single one of them? Heidi's like, "Of course, but you get PAID to look good in no matter what." Uh, exactly. I mean, had these girls even HEARD of modeling before they were on this show? Later, brainiacs.

Heidi advice.jpg
"You're joking, right?"

And it's home to the modelplex for Redundant to sit around fretting and waiting to be eliminated. Her friends try to comfort her, but what can they say? Everyone feels pretty secure in their designer relationships right now. And the topic turns once again to the conceived glory that is Logan. I was discussing this with friends and it's not that Logan's not a good looking guy, I just don't understand the frenzy. We came to the conclusion that the Logan Phenomenon is nothing more than the result of false demand. When you're pretty much sequestered with no other straight men anywhere in sight, he looks better and better.

"Why can't Americans be skinny like us?"

Later Matar and Fat Ma go for a stroll and discuss Redundant's chances. They both think she's a good, pretty model, so someone else will grab her up. Wow, that was enlightening. Then we reminisce about how much fun Matar had wearing Epperson's western costume (that was awesome, by the way).

Matar models.jpg
You can almost see a stampede coming up behind her.

We also get a glimpse of Fat Ma trying to help Louise come up with a story for her movie character. Something about this girl with a mean mother who only wants her to get married. And somehow that ended up as an out-of-work actress at a party. Watching this show is making me too dumb to try and figure this out, so...

It's over to Yogurtland! Now I had the privilege of patronizing this establishment last month and here is how it works: You come in and pick up a yogurt cup - there is only one size - then you serve yourself frozen yogurt out of the soft serve machines offering about a dozen different flavor choices. The yogurt cups are pretty gigantic, so of course your first impulse is to fill yours up with over a gallon of yogurt. Then you move on to the toppings bar, which are your typical choices - fruit, nuts, crushed candy bars, Cap'n Crunch, etc. And finally you plop your masterpiece onto a scale where your grand total tells you just how much of a pig you are because you are about to purchase your weight in frozen yogurt! I recommend the pistachio. Topped with Butterfinger. And unless the next challenge is making a job interview outfit for homeless teens out of Yogurtland cups, that's all you need to know about this scene.

"You're not going to talk about OUR conversation?" No.

Getting gussied up for Elimination, Cheetos takes a timeout to tell us that she's pretty sure she's sticking around - not to sound conceited or anything.

Cheetos 1.jpg
"Girl, PLEASE."

And it's a good thing they all so carefully picked out their leopard leggings and platform heels just to change into their black slips and bare feet for the model auction. When everyone is all lined up, Heidi drops the big bomb. Yes, keeping the same model is safe because you keep the same measurements, but this isn't a true test of the designers' skills, so this week EVERYONE MUST CHOOSE A NEW MODEL! Well! Suddenly Cheetos is singing a different tune.

Cheetos 2.jpg
"Aw HELL to the no!"

The only one happy right now is Redundant because maybe this means she'll have a chance at getting another chance.

Redundant happy.jpg
"Oh wow, I'm really scared, really."

So here's how it goes:

Winner Nicholas chooses "Kaitlyn." Real name: Kalyn.

Heidi makes a joke by calling Epperson second when we all know Epperson goes last! Good one, Heidi!

Christopher chooses Celine.

Epperson (huh? This early?) chooses Cheetos and warns the rest of the group that someone better pick his old model. Oh whatever.

Gordana chooses Matar. Happy Epperson? Gordana tells him it's not for him it's for herself! As Matar prances backstage the other girls call her Mater, which gives me a bit of a smile.

"I never modeled an outfit I didn't like!"

Logan chooses Lisa. (Lucky! He's so haaaaaaawwwwwt!)

Irina chooses Katie.

Carol Hannah chooses Ebony.

Shirin chooses Redundant. (Big mistake that's really big.)

Althea chooses Tara (her twin sister) because she has a great look. LOL.

Louise is last and she just got done sucking with Fat Ma, who is standing on the runway with Kojii. So she has to pick Kojii. Buh-bye Fatty!

The models sit around discussing how unfair that last choice was, waaaaaah! Fat Ma is actually quite gracious in her exit. She says she's grateful and surprised to have stayed as long as she did. After Mater helps her pack, she's off to "focus on the good things," like the overwhelming starvation in Africa and the epidemic obesity in America. Be sure and stop at Yogurtland on your way out of town!

Next week the girls get a runway coach who isn't Miss J! And some of them have a big problem with that. But will the designers be forced to switch it up again? No one knows...

What do you think of this week's momentous shuffle? Ever been to Yogurtland?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

1 comment:

NoiXdeCoco said...

I didn't know what the pulling of the fabric off the hand for Vanessa was either, and I was hoping they would tell us, but I guess 30 min of models sitting around wondering who will kicked off next is just not enough time to fit in an interesting detail that was left hanging for all of us to wonder about.

But I am glad that I got to see Fatma speculate that Vanessa would stay around. She was right!