Models of the Runway: Viewer Warning - Intense Drama

"I don't know how to carry on!"

This week on Models of the Runway, the girls are so bored that they start inventing drama in their heads - just to stay busy. And thinking creatively isn't exactly their strong point.

Moments before... the brain trust is sitting backstage listening to Heidi deliver this week's verdict. Fat Ma cracks me up, looking all disheveled and pissed, just waiting for Mitchell to get the boot.

"I freaking knew it!"

As you may remember, Mitchell and Ra'mon were paired up for this challenge, and who should Ra'mon's model be but Vanessa, who scolded Fat Ma last week for throwing a tantrum in front of everybody, resulting in ModelGate, or who disrespected whom first among our brilliant beacons of fashion enlightenment. This is, of course, a crisis of global proportions and neither Fat Ma nor Vanessa is about to back down. Rumor has it that Fat Ma told some of the other girls she wanted to punch Vanessa in the face. Fat Ma thinks this is justified because she said it under her breath. Vanessa thinks it is time for preemptive strafing.

"I no longer feel safe in my own home."

I think these people need to learn how to read so that they will have something to occupy their vacant minds. As Mitchell is announced "out," the girls all moan that he is so talented. HA!

After we are reminded during the opening credits that the models only win if they're paired with a winning designer (something they have no control over) Vanessa admits that she was nervous about this runway show because Ra'mon was originally going to make her wear a leather wetsuit. I guess she knew it was fugly and had a good chance of losing. But alas, Ra'mon sent her down the runway in the bright green ink-stained dress that won, so everyone is happy. Almost. Vanessa hears through the grapevine that Fat Ma has been cozying up to Ra'mon, supposedly in an attempt to get him to choose her for the next challenge. You know, steal Vanessa's designer. And ModelGate thickens. When Mitchell comes into the model tank to say his goodbyes, Fat Ma leaps into his arms to tell him how wonderful he is, as if she never had that obnoxious tantrum.

This week during the runway meeting with Heidi, Heidi tells the girls that they all look so cute in their own personal styles. Huh? They're all in t-shirts and jeans, Frau Fashion Icon. I'm not seeing anything groundbreaking here, but the models all flutter and giggle at the compliment.

Observe the mind boggling array of fashion genius.

Heidi also wants to know the story with Erika, so Katie pipes up in tattle-tell mode that Erika had so much going on outside the modelplex that she guesses the Arby's commercial was more important than THIS. We get a flashback of Erika meeting with her designer to tell her she's off to eat a roast beef sandwich, so her designer excuses her and asks for Valerie (who was eliminated last week) to come back and rejoin the competition. Erika gets to join SAG if she does the Arby's commercial, so that's good, I guess. Who cares? Heidi instructs the rest of the models to wish Erika well, so I guess Katie's tattling wasn't exactly triumphant.

Next item on the docket: Heidi wants the dirt from Qrystal and Epperson's models on what went on behind the scenes that made them fight each other on the runway in front of everyone. Matar goes, "They have different personalities so I guess it didn't work." Wow thanks, Matar. That clears everything up. Luckily Matar and Other Erica, who was the other model in this team, are friends, so they had a fun time. Fascinating. Heidi sends them away to be hungry and pout until Elimination.

Back at the modelplex the girls are overjoyed to have Valerie back because she's the only one who cleans. Gross. Living with a bunch of skinny dirty girls? Where do I sign up? In other news Fat Ma and Kojii both have commercial auditions so they take a car ride together and Fat Ma dives into her rant all over again about how Vanessa had no right to tell her she was being rude when she threw her tantrum last week. Kojii recommends that Fat Ma apologize so that everyone can get on with their lives. Hands Across America, morons.

So in the next scene Fat Ma does just that. She sits Vanessa down and tells her she knows she was out of line with her tantrum and she's sorry. Oh good, we can all get back to our peaceful coexistence and... wait. Vanessa is having none of it. Why an apology now? Why can't Fat Ma just be nice in the first place? Uh, Vanessa? She's saying she's sorry. Just be gracious about it and move on. Nope. Fat Ma even says, "Can we just not fight?" But Vanessa says no - she's not done talking. Furthermore, she thinks Fat Ma's apology is fake and she's not here to make things easy on Fat Ma. She escalates into shrieking, saying Fat Ma is a mean, angry person and she can't even admit that she was wrong.

Vanessa: "And you're wearing a super ugly white and blue sundress that I HATE!"

Unnamed Model in picture: "Uh, that's also you, Vanessa."

Wow, Vanessa is a brat. And who's being mean and angry now, I'd like to know? The girl who's calmly apologizing or the girl who is shrieking hysterically about being betrayed? Is this what happens when you are too dumb to understand the difference between "important" and "trivial?" Ultimately, Vanessa dramatically decides that she can not accept Fat Ma's apology right now. She needs some time to think about it (or try to) and she tearily storms away. She tells us that she will NEVER be friends with or trust that woman again! Did Vanessa grow up in a hamster ball? I'd love for the cameras to be around when one of these girls actually experiences something that is worth crying over. Will they spontaneously explode? This isn't even reality-TV-worthy drama.

Outside Other Erica is showing Matar how crazy her last two toes are. It's her "one imperfection." Who greenlit this production? It goes on. Inside Fat Ma is back to mooning over Logan and envying Kojii for getting to work with him. Riveting stuff, people, riveting. I can't wait until this comes out on DVD so I can watch it over and over.

Rewind!

It's Elimination time! Heidi bounces out with her satchel 'o buttons and tells the designers it's time once again for them to choose their models. Remember! Models can make or break a look! Yeah, right.

See them making and breaking the black slips?

Ra'mon won the challenge so he goes first and chooses... Vanessa. Sweet, Vanessa stays around to be betrayed and throw teary hissy fits. Logan is next and Fat Ma takes a time out to remind us how badly she wants to work with him again. Logan looks around for a minute and chooses Kojii. Fat Ma almost collapses. That's a shame... wait, no, it's insignificant at best. When Kojii prances backstage Vanessa tells her that she heard that Logan wasn't about to choose Fat Ma because she was way too flirty and it made him uncomfortable. Is this true? It's coming from Bratty Vanessa, so who knows? Does it matter? Probably not, but what else do we have to discuss? The girls speculate that Fat Ma will be the one sent home because the designers witnessed her tantrum last week and none of them want to deal with that nonsense. When Epperson picks Matar over her new BFF Other Erica, Matar heads backstage crying because she feels like she betrayed Other Erica.

"I'm still in the comptetition. Boo hoo hoo!"

The rest of the models flock to Matar to comfort her. Oh the dramas of modeling. Louise decides to choose Fat Ma, so I guess ModelGate continues, with both players intact. Oh the suspense! The last two hanging out on the runway are Valerie - who was just brought back to replace Arby's Erika - and Other Erica, Matar's betrayed bosom buddy. It all comes down to Qrystal, who chooses... Valerie.

"It's my toes, I know it."

Aw, so long Other Erica and your crazy toes! I don't know what ever made you think you could be paired with a winning designer when your baby toe is that much smaller than the one next to it. Good grief, Matar is in hysterics and Other Erica says she's happy that Matar gets to continue in the competition. She's made some lifelong friends, now goodbye.

Tragedy of the century, people.

Next week Heidi actually critiques the models on their modeling! Hmm, maybe that will be an interesting two minutes. Then she actually deigns to pay a visit to the modelplex to see what's in the girls' fridge. Hmm, how long will it take to look at all the air?

So! Are you even still watching? What's up with this show?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta