Sunday, November 01, 2009

Models of the Runway: Double Stick Tape Gate

tape gate.jpg
"Does the word 'residue' mean anything to you?"

Moments before Models of the Runway... Logan has YET AGAIN designed something fugly and landed himself in the bottom. This time Kojii is all bedazzled out in zippers decorating a black and white Judy Jetson outfit. It was meant to be a companion piece to a "good" outfit he made:

Logan outfits.jpg
Well maybe companion pieces in the "random fug" collection.

Heidi describes the look as "too tricked out," but really it's just stupid. Gordana is also in the bottom for a much less ridiculous outfit, but the judges didn't like hers either. I actually like this one better than Gordana's winning outfit - this one's a jacket with cute details around the waist, but for some unexplained reason the judges don't like it.

Gordana outfits.jpg
So one is ridiculous and one is... not?

The judging is so random this season so there's no point in trying to figure it out. The good news is that after MANY fugly entries and zero wins, Logan is finally OUT. Aufwiedersehen, sucker! Kojii's like, "oh crap, none of the other designers even know who I am." How does this bode for our Irish lass?

Cheetos comes backstage to congratulate Althea, who won for making pants that no one in their right mind would wear. If you can imagine pants that are designed to flatter the female figure, think of exactly the opposite of that and you have Althea's "paper bag" pants.

Oh if only I could make my hips look wider and my legs look shorter!

They poof around your hips and thighs and I believe that Malvin was eliminated way back for making pants shaped like this and saying that they deliberately make a woman look like she has chicken legs. See what I mean about the judging this season? Anyway Cheetos tells Althea how much fun she's having wearing her cool designs and totally working it on the runway.

Meanwhile Mater is totally offended that Gordana pointed out on the runway that she has a lot of hair and Gordana didn't want that hair to pull focus from her design. Watching Gordana talk, it didn't really sound like an insult so much as pointing out a fact, but Mater takes it personally and fears that this may mean elimination. And here comes Logan in his silver pants to say goodbye. The girls are all devastated to be losing such a hottie (?) because he is a "genuine human being" as Katie tells us. A genuine human being who had little business on Project Runway, however.

bye Logan.jpg
Time to retire the winning silver pants.

Heidi time! Heidi wants to know the models' thoughts on the latest challenge. Cheetos LOVED it! But totally not because her designer won or anything. Heidi wants to know if Kojii is worried now that Logan is gone. Yes Heidi, everyone is worried... except Cheetos. Mater whines about her hair again and Heidi tells them that they're all doing a fantastic job. Particularly Kojii, who stood on the runway in total crap and sold it like a staaah. We get a little flashback and Heidi's right. Kojii stood there proudly the whole time.

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Making Heidi proud.

And now for today's scandal. It seems that Kalyn's dress (courtesy of Irina) had quite a bit of trouble staying up on her chest over her boobs, so Kalyn asked around and found some double stick tape to help cover her goodies. Then a production assistant burst into the model holding tank and told her she HAD to take it off because it gave her designer an unfair advantage, and someone else had to take theirs off last week, so there's that too. It's so funny. They can use hot glue guns, but when it comes to double stick tape that's where they draw the line? I guess Irina should have (and could have) hot glued the dress to Kalyn's boobs.

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Time for the decision of a lifetime, Kalyn.

SIDEBAR: double stick clothing tape is a miracle. And not just for going-out clothes. I personally own button down shirts that exist permanently double stick taped closed so they don't bubble all up when I sit down. I have also used it as Kalyn tried to do in this challenge - where the outfit is on my body only in theory and would be on the floor if not for the aid of the double stick tape. Just be careful if the fabric is sparkly because that is some strong stuff, which leads me to my next point. Residue. When using that tape to keep fabric on your body, it is impossible to come completely off of your skin without the aid of a shower or at least some rubbing alcohol. So Katie's upcoming tantrum really rubs me the wrong way.

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"I have something to get off my chest. And it's NOT residue!"

Back in the holding tank Katie sits down and slumps into a totally pissed off position. Cheetos asks her what that is all about and Katie decides to out with everything. "Kalyn, you used tape on your boobs. You were told four times you weren't supposed to use tape. And if you make it to finals I'm going to be pissed." Well! This is the most exciting thing to happen since Fat Ma has been in the house! An accusation! Kalyn is a cheater! Kalyn insists that she took it off after she was instructed to do so, but Katie says she saw it on her boob. Here's where my experience with residue comes in. It's totally possible that the dress stuck to the residue. Kalyn says over and over, "I took it off." But Katie just keeps saying she doesn't believe her. Someone's a sore loser. I thought Katie was going to take all of this out on Christopher. That was her plan last week, anyway - to give Christopher a piece of her mind. But this week all she can do is lash out at invisible tape. Personally I believe Kalyn. She's too innocent and naïve not to take the tape off after being ordered to do so. Katie just needs a reason to explain why Christopher isn't winning anymore.

"Because it can't possibly be Christopher's work. Or me."

Kalyn comes home and just can't get over being so maliciously accused. She says she hates confrontation and has been on the verge of tears ever since it happened. I totally hear that. Lately at my real job everything has been in a heated mess of tension and it's a good day when I leave the office without having cried. But I come home all the time stewing in the hostility - it's awful. Blast this horrid economy and the 400 applicants applying for every job I'm trying to get. And a lot of good my advanced degree is doing me. I'm being bullied by drop outs. If any of you beloved readers want to hire me, you know how to find me on the interweb. Ahem, moving on... just let me grab another Snickers out of the Halloween bowl to stifle my tears. The rest of the models seem to agree with me regarding Kalyn's innocence, and Mater gives her a pep talk on blocking out the crap and staying positive. Thanks Mater, I'll also be taking your advice.

Elsewhere Kojii is lamenting that models are people too and suddenly I'm over life at the modelplex. Elimination day! Poor Mater is hard at work with a straightening iron after Gordana's hair comments. What I wouldn't give for even a hint of a wave in my hair, but alas, the grass is always greener.

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Kalyn loves straight ironing.

Ah, here comes Heidi to tell the designers they are choosing their models for the LAST challenge. It's the END OF THE ROAD!!! Here's how it goes, with nothing like surprise:

Althea chooses Cheetos with much flattery. Cheetos again dances into the holding tank.

Carol Hannah chooses Delta Burke, who tells us that SHE would pick Carol Hannah to win the whole thing. Gee, you think?

Dance, Delta Burke!

Christopher chooses Katie, who really wants to get famous, ugh.

Irina chooses Kalyn, who I think should come out wearing nothing but double stick tape. Screw Katie.

It comes down to Gordana to choose between Mater and Kojii. Gordana says she's never worked with Kojii, but she loves working with Mater and she loves her big beautiful hair. See Mater? All is well on top of your head.

So poor Kojii is doomed to go home and take care of her little girl, who will now have no role model for following her dreams. She'll have no choice now but to quit school and become homeless. And all because Kojii was eliminated from Project Runway. Good luck to you Kojii, and your little girl. Hang in there!

bye Kojii.jpg
Did she ever favor us with a song?

Next time it's the last challenge! Katie is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and still threatening to call Kalyn out on the double stick tape thing. Oh do it, Katie! Let's go there!

So what do you think about Double Stick Tape Gate? Did Kalyn or didn't Kalyn? Will it make any difference whatsoever?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

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