Catfish Recap: Hot Shemale

Nev has a doozy for us tonight.  This episode is advertised as a “double catfish,” which at first worried me that I might have a double-header to recap, but what it means is that in this instance, both parties are tricking each other to some extent.  More than usual, I guess.

Nev reads us his email from Rod, who met Ebony on a website for gays and bisexuals.  (Take note, Chelsea, Dani, Aaron.  Those websites exist.)  Ebony introduced “herself” to Rod as transgendered.  They’ve now been in an online relationship for four years.  At first Rod was worried because he’d never been with someone who is transgendered, but Ebony turned out to be awesome.  The problem is that he’s been using his cousin’s pictures instead of his own and calling himself KJ.

"I'm whose cousin now?"

At the beginning of the relationship they couldn’t meet up because Ebony had cancer (!) and now she just keeps putting it off, so Rod needs Nev to make this happen.  Soooo the one using the fake name and pictures is the one wanting the meeting and the straightforward person is the one avoiding it.  Good grief, does reality even exist anymore?  It seems like these people just live in the fairylands of their imaginations.  Why even bother meeting in person?  It hasn’t been necessary for four whole years!  Isn’t Delusion just a nicer place to be?

Anyway Nev and Max think Rod will make some good TV so they head straight for Jackson Mississippi.  They find Rod at work.  He’s a cook at what looks like a pub of some kind.

Demonstrating the need for handwashing policies.

They sit down and ask him what he likes about Ebony.  Rod says that Ebony is always there for him no matter what, he’s never been this close to anyone before, and she’s beautiful.  He shows the guys some pictures, pointing out that just from looking at the pictures you would never know that Ebony used to be a dude.

Especially holding that pink phone.

Nev asks if Rod went on the website for gays and bisexuals expecting to meet a guy.  Rod says no, you could meet anyone on there.  Well, I suppose, but I would venture to guess that if a straight lady is who you were after, a website for gays and bisexuals wouldn’t be your first stop. Am I just old?  Nev clarifies, asking Rod if he is attracted to men. Rod says no.  And at first he thought Ebony was a plain old girl.  Nev asks Rod how he feels about being with a guy physically.  Rod says it’s something he would have to get comfortable with, but he’s willing to try because Ebony is just that cool.  Nev asks why Rod never came clean about his name and his pictures.  Rod says because if he told Ebony the truth, she might think that he’s also lying about other things and stop talking to him.  Well, does Rod think Ebony is hiding anything?  He says yes he does because she’s “very secretive.”  What, on text message?  Rod is nervous that Ebony might not be who she says she is.  Max cuts in and asks him if he realizes how hypocritical that is.  Yeah Rod.  You’re NOT who you’ve been saying you are.  Do you really have any room to judge?

Later Nev and Max invite Rod into their Google investigation.  Well this is highly unusual.  Why does Rod get to participate in Google Image Search?  But before they can even get started, Ebony is blowing up Rod’s cell phone.  The guys have him put it on speaker and we get to hear Ebony cooing and calling him poo-poo.  Poo-poo?  Really?  Then she tells him all about the new panties she bought.  You know, I can’t say I’m all that invested in this faux-mance.  And the more we proceed, the less I care to see how this turns out.  But for you, beloved readers, I shall persevere!

As the Google search continues, we learn that Ebony is involved in 39 online meet-up groups.  39 online meet-up groups?  Is real life just not cutting it?  And from a friend’s online comment we learn that she has a daughter.  Something she’s failed to mention in four years.  Okay, so basically there’s no telling what lies beneath these 500 layers of falsehoods that these two call their relationship.  Does anyone care?  Yes, Nev does.

The next morning Nev calls Ebony after Max preps him on how to deal with her strong personality on the phone.  Nev pretty much fails.

"What do you mean you've never heard of me?"

But as he fumbles around trying to have a conversation, he asks if she’s always identified as transgendered.  Ebony says she doesn’t like the term “transgendered.”  She prefers “fabulous woman” because that’s what she is.  Okay fine.  When Nev tells her that “KJ” has something he would like to tell her in person, Ebony says that they’ve always been very open and honest with each other, so she can’t imagine what he might have to tell her.  I don’t know whether to laugh or cry right here.  Seriously?  She actually gets pretty fed up with Nev but finally agrees that she’ll meet KJ to find out what on earth he could possibly have to tell her that has not already been disclosed.  And in case what he wants to tell her involves a marriage proposal she needs a huge rock.  That’s charming.

Rod is at a park shooting hoops with his friend Mike when Nev and Max catch up with him.  They all sit down to discuss things and Rod admits to Mike that his online girlfriend Ebony is transgender.  Mike doesn’t even blink.  He keeps sitting there expectantly, so Max asks him if he knows what transgender means.  He doesn’t.

"Like she's from another country?"

Here is how Rod explains it to him, “She got the same thing we got.”  And somehow this clears it all up.  Mike kind of giggles and tells Rod that if he’s happy, Mike’s happy.  I’m so glad we involved Mike in all this.  The guys tell Rod to get his sleeping bag ready because they’re heading out on a road trip tonight for Atlanta to meet Ebony. 

When they pull up to Ebony’s house the next day, Rod has decked himself out in a weird combination of a t-shirt, jeans and a dressy vest.  Like from the early 90s.  Oh and a ball cap.  Armed with roses, he knocks on the door.  For the first time in Catfish history, we are at a normal looking house and the sought-after person promptly answers the FRONT door.  Strange.  Even stranger?  Rod is CLEARLY not the guy from the pictures, but Ebony immediately embraces him, saying, “it’s you!”  Shouldn’t she be saying, “Where’s KJ?”  Maybe she’s distracted by the roses.

"Is there a diamond hidden in one of those???"

Nev is elated.  Ebony does finally say, “You look so different!” as she’s inviting everyone on into her house.  Once inside she tells Rod that he looks nothing like his pictures.  Ya think, Ebony?  Do you have any idea who you just let into your home?  He says he doesn’t want her to be mad, but those weren’t pictures of him.  No kidding.  Ebony says she doesn’t understand why he would do that, then he says he has one more thing to tell her.  Here’s how it sounds, “My name Rye.”  Ebony doesn’t understand him either so it’s not just me.  When he finally communicates that his name is Rod, this is where Ebony draws the line.  She’s disappointed, hurt and she storms away.  But very soon she pulls herself together and re-emerges.  She says she has a confession of her own.  An 11-year-old daughter.  Oh and one more thing.  She’s not transgendered.  She’s just a run-of-the-mill female.  But she used to be a lesbian.  Until she met “KJ” whose e-mance apparently turned her.  She never planned on falling in love with a man, but here she is in love with KJ.  Rod.  Whoever.

"Can I get those roses back?"

Rod says he’s sorry for lying about his name and appearance and now he’d like an apology as well.  Ebony says she doesn’t know if she can forgive him.  She’ll have to think about it.  Then she goes, “I forgive you!”  and runs over to sit on his lap.  Rod laughs nervously and Nev decides it’s time to take a break.  They’re going to regroup at the hotel and give everyone a chance to think about all of this.

In the car Nev asks Rod what he thinks of Ebony being a woman.  Relieved, right?  Rod’s all weird, saying he doesn’t get why she wouldn’t have told him that.  Nev asks Rod - again - if he’s “curious” about men.  Rod answers by saying that Ebony has been sending him 200-300 dollars a month, and paying his cell phone bill and since he was unemployed he figured he’d keep it going.  But he wouldn’t have if she hadn’t been giving him money.  Oh REALLY.  That’s certainly a different story from the one you were telling two days ago, Rod.  So anxious were you to meet this amazing Ebony in person.  If this was just a financial arrangement, why involve Nev?  Rod is clearly very disappointed to learn that Ebony is NOT transgendered.  I didn’t see that coming I have to admit.  Nev and Max decide their mission is clear.  Help Rod figure out and admit - on camera - who he really is. 

The next day they swoop up Rod in his hotel room and deliver him to Ebony where the two of them are going to have a heart-to-heart and and end on good terms, come hell or high water.  Ebony opens the door just like she did yesterday - squealing with excitement and hugging Rod.  They sit down on the couch and Rod tells her in a roundabout way that he hasn’t exactly been using her, but really he just thinks of her as a friend and he’s stuck around this long because of the money.

"Well I hope you enjoyed owning a cell phone."

Ebony says she gave him money because he was there for her.  And yes, she lied about one little thing, but everything else was real.  Rod is quick to jump in and point out that the lie was a very big thing.  This is rich coming from this “straight” guy who just found out his girlfriend is a woman, not a tranny.  And let’s not forget KJ and the photos.  Ebony is very insulted to discover that Rod only wanted her money and points to herself, saying “this is what you wish you could have had.”  Actually, no, Ebony.  It appears that Rod has been looking for something else entirely.  But he was hoping to hide it under the guise of being extremely open minded.  You blew that for him by being a plain old girl with no penis.  Rod has said all of three words and now he says he’s going to go and he gets up and leaves.  He gets into the car with Nev and says he just wants to go back to his room.

But Nev doesn’t have his BFF photo yet.  Nor has he received a heartfelt gay confession from Rod, so he runs back into the house to pump Ebony for more info.

Nev:  "He's still the guy you fell in love with."

Ebony:  "KJ?  You're right, he IS still my KJ."

Ebony tells Nev that when she was battling cancer, she went on a gay website to try to find a guy who would just be friends with her.  Okay, then why did she pretend to be transgendered?  For the first year of knowing Rod, she was under the impression that he was gay.  She keeps claiming that ALL she wanted was someone to talk to, so I still don’t understand telling him she was transgendered.  That makes it seem like she was trying to bait a gay guy. We never do get an answer to that question.  But anyway, Nev tells her that Rod is clearly very confused and questioning his sexuality, and this could be Ebony’s big chance to be the friend to Rod that he was to her through cancer.  Bravo Nev.  You’ve done it.  You’ve managed to turn this twisted tale into a message of love, forgiveness and FRIENDSHIP.  Ebony goes to the car and assures Rod that she is there for him.  She hugs him and asks if he’s mad at her.  He says no and she says, “I’m not mad at you either.”  Ebony has been furious, then full of forgiveness about six different times in the last ten minutes.  They hug and Nev pats himself on the back.  Problem solved, friendship formed!

Rod:  "So you'll keep those checks coming, right?"

A month later Rod and Ebony are still friends, but they talk several times a week instead of several times a day.  And Rod needs some time to think about what he wants.  I think it’s pretty clear what he wants, but far be it from me to stop him from spending another four years pretending on the interwebs.  Ebony is back to being a lesbian and has a new girlfriend.  Well congratulations, lady. She knows you’re a woman, right? 

Okay guys.  This show gets more bizarre by the week.  I seriously don’t even know where to look with this one.  These people may be better off on the internet because I think imaginary relationships are all they can handle.  And she was sending him money?  I just can't. What do you think?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta