Thursday, January 19, 2006

EPISODE 2: Travis Says NO to Kissing

Episode 2 - The dates begin. There are two group dates and one individual date. First group date - they go and sight see Paris, the girls are catty, it starts to rain, yawn, boring, who cares. Jehan (holy war??) gets the rose. Sweet Travis is so simple and leaning towards dumb, which is conflicting since he's a doctor. Watching him is almost a cure for my insomnia.

Then comes the individual date with Kristen. The first thing that sweet Travis does is call Kristen's mom to find out what is her favorite food, which seems not so great an idea. I feel like it's a sweet gesture, if you were only dating Kristen, but it's the second day of the Bachelor, why are you calling girls' moms??? Especially since he told her to take a hike after that date. She didn't even get to go back to the Ch√Ęteau for her things, she was on the next flight home on Pan-o Am-o. I'm getting ahead of myself...let me tell you about the date.

She wrote him a poem, that rhymed. Half way through, he goes - wow, that's great. Thanks (half heartedly, he was obviously uncomfortable), and then she continued. It was so funny!!!! The poem just kept going. She also put post it notes on her back that said things like - 'hug me.' The dead give away that she was going home, was her confessional throughout the date. She was wearing the same dress, the background was obviously on a boat (where their date was) and it looked like she had been crying. I was thinking - is this a production of The Rebel Billionaire? Cause it's so low grade...hello, I can tell she's going home.

The second group date had the Canadian in it. She took him aside and got all in his face, physically and pointed to his lips and then to hers. In her confessional she said - I want to be the first one to kiss him. In his confessional he said - I don't want to kiss anyone yet, it's too early. She practically stuck her tongue out with her eyes closed, and he didn't go for it, it was AWESOME! He then gave a rose during the date to someone else and the Canadian was ready to eat the human flesh of her opponents, OMG, it was tres magical.

I've decided that the Canadian is a lot like Amber, the skanky ho who stole my boyfriend in 1998. Yes, still bitter. She's super slutty, talks like a valley girl (plus the "eh's"), and her eyes are half way open, like she's drunk all the time. Sweet Travis, of course, is totally infatuated with her.

Cut to cocktail party before the horticulture distribution, sweet Travis takes one of the girls who has a birthday that day to HIS BEDROOM FOR A BIRTHDAY CAKE. Huh? What? Does this seem appropriate at all? Of course, she's like - This is the best birthday EVER! Why? Because you got a cake from a hottie? You must have had shitty birthdays in the past if this is the best one. Then, the two girls who already had roses from the two group dates barge in on them and demand that he spend time with everyone. To which sweet Travis got an inkling of a spine and said, you guys already have roses, I feel like I should get to know the others better, and sent the bitches away.

Then the Canadian takes sweet Travis outside, puckers her lips and is determined to get the first kiss. Sweet Travis refuses. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

After the toasting of sending home the ugly ones, the Canadian was standing by Travis' side and holding his hands, as if they were the couple and rest were their friends. She has some nerve!

The official counting of the Bachelor euphemisms starts with episode 2:
He's so hot and handsome, I can totally see myself with him - II
It's so different for me, I think I'm falling in love with Travis - I

This show should be called - Predictability: in Paris.

1 comment:

Honey Gangsta said...

I love your postings!!! I missed the show AGAIN because I ended up meeting up with a sketchy sketch ball who I apparently gave my number to and I felt like I was on the Bizarro Bachelor. Instead of trying to be the least bit smooth or oh shall we say... polite? He merely spent two hours trying to proposition me. I'm like, "Wow, this is quite the approach. I don't know how I could possibly resist." Hmm. Maybe I was Sweet Travis that night - refusing advances and all. Buh-bye. Anyway, I finally have my new lover named MOXI, so now I will never miss another episode - even though your recaps are just as good. I love that the Canadian was D-NIED! Not so exotic as we thought, now are we? NO! Because being Canadian is the same as being American as far as being foreign and exotic. The only difference is an annoying accent which you can actually also find in America in several different varieties. Can't wait to see Sweet Trav's next moves. Do you think he can spell Canada? Can-uh-duh?