French Alps = No Rose

Guess what. My DVR didn't record the Bachelor last night and I only saw the actress's date. It was hilarious when she didn't get a rose. I was waiting for her to wish that she was "just a little bit uglier." Ha ha ha! But I missed the Vienna parts! :(

Yeah, so like I said, I only saw the last date, which was the actress and Sweet Trav in the “French Alps.” The other girls got to go to cities – Venice and Vienna (which some people think are the same thing), and then Susan the Actress had to go to the French Alps. No city for her! So they were mountain climbing, okay who are we kidding, they were hiking – well, walking. And they came upon this log that happened to be positioned just perfectly between two jutting-out-parts of the mountain. They sat on it together with their legs dangling. I was imagining the producers carefully placing and securing the log into place so that the sniggle-snogglers could just happen upon it and have a romantic chatty-poo. After they looked around for a while they went back to their hike and came upon a campfire, above which was dangling a pot, in which was brewing – something. Wow! That is so lucky of them that they stumbled onto this hot pot of brewing something so that they could warm their little fingers after their treacherous mountain climb. So at first we only see the pot and it looks like just a regular sized, stove top pot. Then Sweet Trav approached what turned out to be a CAULDRON that was almost as big as Sweet Trav himself. The brewing something was actually cider-wine or something equally lame. I would have wanted hot chocolate, but apparently that is not as romantic as cider-wine. I was picturing the producers hanging the cauldron over the fire using an industrial crane and talking about how excited they were to drink the 50 gallons of cider-wine that Actress Susan and Sweet Trav couldn’t possibly get to. Sweet Trav decides it’s time to find out what Susan is about and he tells her that “there has been talk” that she may not be there for the right reasons. Actress Susan puts on her Actress terrified-distressed face and denies everything. She is SO here for the right reasons and SO here for Dr. Travis.

So later they are having their romantic dinner at their Chateau in the French Alps and Susan decides that it’s time to unleash and lay it out for Sweet Trav. After stumbling through her script for a few minutes, Sweet Trav tells her that it’s okay, she shouldn’t be nervous, but just feel relaxed. So she finally says it – all wide-eyed and red-lipped. “I’m totally falling in love with you!” And she just looked so smug, like there was no way he could be feeling anything but exactly the same. Sweet Trav whipped out the room key and they decided to go to the sniggle-snoggle suite together. Gross.

For the next hour and a half – okay it was more like 10 minutes, we have to hear Sweet Trav pontificating on how ANY of these women could be his future wife. They all just have so many great QUALITIES that I can DEFINITELY see in someone I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. This is DEFINITELY the hardest decision I’ve had to make. I’m DEFINITELY not sure what to do. Definitely. Then we see the video messages and once again the macadamia nut sounds insane and rehearsed, the teacher was just like, “I had so much fun.” And the actress said, “I’m SOOOOO glad I got to tell you my true feelings!” Twinkle, twinkle in her eye, so sure is she that no one would EVER dream of sending her home.

Then Travis finger-brushed all of his hair directly forward (there’s no other explanation), and came out to present the roses. The host asked each girl if she was nervous. The actress said she wasn’t. Twinkle, sparkle. And then – HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! The actress didn’t get a rose!!!! She was floored. Sweet Trav escorted her into the hallway where he says he’s not sure if he made the right decision, but their relationship just seemed so… formal. Um, what? He’s running out of excuses to send people home. Formal? What about the pouring out of her heart and soul all over the French Alps? She got into the limo and tried to deconstruct what Travis could have meant by formal. Honey, he’s just not that into you. That’s it. LATER LOSER! You won’t be piggy-backing on Dr. Travis to Hollywoodland. You’re done. NEXT!