Friday, September 07, 2007

Lights, Camera and finally ACTION in Newport Harbor

Young love's mystery

Thank goodness for impromptu parties this week on Newport Harbor. Just about everyone seems to have had enough of Clay and Chrissy’s little mating dance and would like to see them finally just make something happen. Everyone, that is, except for Allie, who has some plans of her own. I myself, am ready to watch something besides talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. It’s time to turn it up a notch and it’s going to take a whole lot of work from a whole lot of sidekicks to make sure that things go down according to plan in this welcome fourth episode. Join me, won’t you?

We start out this week by watching Chrissy and Sasha having a sprinting racy-poo. This is of course, merely a staged setup for them to segue into – what else? – talking about Clay. Chrissy relates the incident that ended last week’s episode, which was her biking past Clay’s house to try and make peace and being blown off à la Ben blowing off Felicity. She reiterates that she doesn’t care about Chase or kissing him at all and Sasha suggests that Chrissy throw a barbecue and invite certain people, meaning Clay, to try to get things back on the right track. Sasha even offers to serve as the party planner. Sweet! This means we have the hope of an actual event this week, instead of just convo after convo. I’m excited to watch Chrissy’s Daddy strip search everyone at the door.

This episode is entitled “Sealed with a Kiss.” Why, who could this be referring to? We know from the previews that Allie and Clay hang out tonight so that could be it, but now there’s also the barbecue… Who cares? People kiss tonight and since it’s in the title we’ll probably get to see it. That’s what I’m talking about! On with the show.

We find Clay and Mayor Grant out on the Pacific Ocean in a boat. Mayor Grant is driving and Clay is wakeboarding off the back. That looks so fun! Of course, when I was 16 I had to wait to be invited boating by someone else’s parents; it was never just a matter of scadaddling off to my own boat in the harbor for an afternoon of fun. After the Mayor takes a turn on the wakeboard, the producers remind the boys that they aren’t just being filmed for their health and they’d better start talking about something quick.

"Fine, fine. We'll gossip."

Grant asks what is up with Chrissy and Clay thoughtfully relates that he’s still “kind of pissed about that whole thing with Chase.” And now it’s his turn to relate last week’s Felicity scene. He kind of reinvents what was said, acting like he told Chrissy what’s what about giving Grant information and not expecting it to get back to Clay. Um, Clay? You weren’t really a big tough guy like that, you just moped. We saw it.

Next we head over to Allie’s kitchen where she and her brother Brent are eating pizza. My theory is that Brent really wanted to make an appearance on little sis’s Big TV Show because this scene is so clearly a grand staging for Allie to give orienting information. Brent walks in and hugs her – you know, like every adolescent brother does to his fellow adolescent sister – and immediately asks, “So what’s the latest with you? Any new guys?” And thank you Brent! Well done, you get to be in this scene. Just be sure not to start talking about yourself or do anything to take attention away from the drama at hand.

"See? This is how I register 'interest.'"

So Allie gets to explain for everyone that she thinks Clay is really cute, but he’s always with Chrissy, but now that Chrissy went and hooked up with Chase, she’s going to make a play for Clay. She also talks a lot about her feelings toward Chase, being that they have a history and all – basically way more information than a teenage girl would share with her brother voluntarily – but it sure was handy for us! Brent offers that this could be the “perfect switch” and then the producers tell him that will be all and he won’t be needed anymore. Welcome to show business, Brent! Great debut, now get out.

Just now Clay is eating some watermelon and answering his phone to discover Allie on the other end suggesting that they should hang out tonight. They keep referring to Mayor Grant in this conversation as either G-Bomb or G-Ball, I can’t tell. Neither of them fits and I’ll keep Mayor Grant. We get right to it as Clay heads over to pick up Allie and neither of them know what they’re going to do tonight, but luckily Clay suggests miniature golf, so Allie immediately wishes she hadn’t changed out of her bikini from earlier, but oh well. She’ll have to make do fully clothed at the miniature golf course this time. The mini golf looks adorable and I have to marvel at how well Allie mini golfs with her purse always right on her shoulder. I would have to put mine down for every stroke – I’m not quite so purse-coordinated.

I'm not sure how far away Clay thinks the hole is.

Meanwhile Chrissy is perched on her bed painting her toenails when Sasha trots in bursting with information. She warns Chrissy not to shoot the messenger, then has to clarify that she is the messenger. Yes Sasha, we get it, now what do you have to say? Apparently she has just been on the phone with the Mayor (who is proving to be quite the Gossip Queen) and learned that Clay and Allie are out on a date at this very moment. Chrissy just can’t understand how this could have possibly happened and now she is “so over the barbecue.” A bit of an overreaction there, don’t you think, Chrissy? After all, you made out with Chase, and so far all you know is that Clay and Allie are hanging out. Calm down. Sasha actually points out this very issue, saying that Chrissy and Clay are even now and that Chrissy shouldn’t give up. Thanks Sasha. Good sidekick work.

Great job not shooting the messenger, Chrissy.

As Clay drives Allie home Allie decides to force the “Chrissy Issue.” She wants to know just what is going on between these two. Clay smiles and continues chewing his gum like a freaking cow. All he says is that they’ve never hooked up and then he and Allie both conclude that they are “keeping their options open.” Yeah right. Clay was railroaded by Chrissy’s Daddy and then beaten to the punch by Chase. And Allie is “keeping her options open” if that means gunning directly for Clay. Aren’t you glad I’m here to translate the teenage horse crap? So coy and mysterious. I’m fluent in horse crap.

Allie practices "keeping her options open."

Back from commercial we get to join Allie and Fatty for a ride on Allie’s dad’s boat. Allie’s dad is hilarious. As the camera pans the boat and the girls tiptoe out onto the bow, Allie’s dad stares into the camera like a deer in headlights. Remember Art? Your daughter is appearing in that TV show. What’s that you say? Yes, you have a daughter. A son, too!

"Who are you people?"

Fatty is here to get the rundown on the date with Clay, so she starts off by asking Allie what she wore. Upon discovering that the date was miniature golfing, Fatty asks if Clay stood behind Allie to help her with her stroke. They giggle and giggle, but no. There was no intimate swing coaching to be had. It also wasn’t really that flirty; they mainly just got to know each other better. Fatty asks what about Chrissy and Allie tells her that Clay said no – no Chrissy. The next item of business is that Chase and Taylor have officially upgraded their “break” to a “break-up,” but Allie says she’ll only talk to Chase if he talks to her first. Right about now Art is getting antsy to kick his boat into high speed. He’s had enough drifting around the harbor so that the cameras can film these two teenage girls talking on his bow.

At Clay’s “beach house,” which I really hope is the house where he normally lives that happens to be on a beach and not a second family home mere meters away from the primary family home, he and the Mayor are chilling when the Mayor’s phone rings. It’s Sasha calling to invite Grant to a barbecue tonight at Chrissy’s house. She tells him to bring some friends, “if you know what I mean.” Grant’s like, “Yeah, I think I get your drift,” wink, wink, elbow, elbow. Wow this is such a covert operation – bringing Clay to Chrissy’s house. The CIA has nothing on these kids. After Grant hangs up and tells Clay the plan, Clay gets all hesitant, saying he’s not sure about all this. Apparently he hasn’t finished pouting about Chrissy kissing Chase yet, but Grant nips this attitude in the bud, saying Clay is going, end of story. Man, I wish I had someone to expedite my love life like this. I guess first I’d need a constant camera crew.

So later Mayor Grant and Clay show up at Chrissy’s house with some new dude named Jason who spells his name Orange County style, or in other words, wrong: J-a-s-e-n. Everyone hugs and kisses, then Mayor Grant picks up the meat and heads outside to take charge of the grill and everyone else joins him, strategically leaving Clay and Chrissy alone in the kitchen. Clay is all awkward and asks if Chrissy’s parents are around, to which she responds that they are at a golf tournament tonight, which actually explains the ease of everyone’s entry into the house and the relative peace of the little gathering so far.

Outside Sasha and Courtney accost Mayor Grant for Clay’s date with Allie. Then Mayor Grant fires back with Chrissy’s hook up with Chase. Sasha claims that Clay needs to step up. Grant says that Clay is shy. Sasha says that so is Chrissy. Finally Jasen chimes in as the voice of reason, telling everyone to chill out and leave them alone. If they want to get together, they will. Hey, there’s a thought! Don’t you people have lives of your own? Wait, what am I thinking? These are sidekicks, of course they don’t have lives of their own.

Sidekicks in the servants' quarters

Back in the kitchen, the awkward stammering continues. Chrissy finally works up the nerve to ask about Clay’s date with Allie and he tells her it was fine, but no big deal. Then he asks if Chrissy is over “her whole thing” with Chase. Chrissy says that Clay knows she never liked Chase, but it didn’t seem like Clay was into… she fades off. Clay says that whenever things started to happen Chrissy’s Daddy interrupted so… he fades off. Clay says that maybe if they can put it behind them… and out. Chrissy says she’s willing to if he is. Clay says he’s willing too. At long last they hug each other. Hallelujah! That was like pulling teeth! Sheesh! It only took six people and an entirely contrived barbecue to make this little conversation finally happen. Outside Sasha starts going, “Toot, toot! All aboard the matchmaking train!” Subtle.

The next afternoon Chrissy and Courtney are hanging around Chrissy’s kitchen talking about how fun the barbecue was when Clay calls. Aw, Big Boy Clay has finally decided to make a move and invite Chrissy out to dinner. Of course she says yes, then hangs up and giggles to Courtney that she’s having dinner with Clay. Courtney goes, “Just you two?” Chrissy goes, “I guess,” giggle, giggle. Oh the suspense!

And elsewhere in Newport Harbor, Allie is joining Chase at Bluewater Grill for lunch. She says she’s surprised he invited her and he says he just wants to catch up because they haven’t talked in a while. Yeah right. Chase’s motivations are always totally innocent. Allie immediately brings up the Chrissy hook up. I guess this is the final pairing of characters that still have not discussed this on camera, so fine. Let’s hear what they have to say about it. Chase is like, “Are you pissed?” clearly trying to dig around and see if he still has any power over Allie, but alas, she just tells him she wasn’t surprised at all.

"Did I make you mad? Did I?"

Next Chase brings up the horrible fact that Taylor went out on a date with Mayor Grant. Allie reminds him that he broke up with her, to which he responds, “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean she can put a knife in my back.” Oh Chase, you are such a drama queen. A knife in your back? Please. Get over it. Next Allie talks about her date with Clay, saying it was fine, but they haven’t talked since. Chase finally says, “So you’re single now, huh?” and Allie says, “Yeah, now you’re single, huh?” Ugh, who cares? Next!

We head to Clay’s house, where he’s wandering around in a towel trying to pick out an outfit. Then we head to Chrissy’s house, where she’s putting on makeup. Back and forth. Clay shaves, Chrissy puts on lip gloss. Clay puts gel in his hair, Chrissy finger brushes her hair. At last Clay knocks on the door and they’re off in matching black tops and jeans.

Grant and Taylor would be so embarrassed.

Clay decides to pre-empt a Daddy phone call by offering to say hello to Chrissy’s parents, but they’re off playing golf. There’s a lot of golf going on in Newport Harbor this episode. Lots and lots of golf. The little matchy-matchy couple heads to The Landing for some seafood. They’re all cutesy and agree to order both swordfish and Mahi Mahi so that they can try each other’s dinners. They tell each other that they look cute and then Clay brings up the P-word. Prom. Chrissy would be excited if she had a date, hint, hint. Clay is still deciding who he should ask, hint, hint. Who does Chrissy want to ask her? Hint, hint. Oh just someone she can have fun with, hint, hint. Who is Clay thinking of asking? Hint, hint. Oh just someone he can have fun with, hint, hint. My gosh, we’ve all seen on the opening credits since the premiere episode that they go to prom together. Nice try, MTV, but the jig is up. Now they start talking about how weird it will be when Chrissy packs up her bags at the end of the summer to leave for college. She’s never had a serious boyfriend and Clay has never had a serious girlfriend, but they both think it would be fun to have a relationship right about now… hint, bloody hint.

Ah, here we go with the Doorstep Scene. Clay walks Chrissy up to the door and keeps babbling about something while she leans in and kisses him. Go Chrissy! That is so brave of her! Rock on, girlfriend! Way to go after what you want! FINALLY someone makes a move! Hooray Chrissy! She even gives him a little kiss on the neck as they go into their post-kiss hug.


That is actually really cute. It is so innocent and barely comfortable for both of them, but absolutely adorable. Clay drives home all satisfied and Chrissy snuggles into bed with a huge smile on her face. Aaaawwwwwwwww.

Next week is PROM! YAY! Lots of speculating on who will ask whom, followed by what looks like lots of drama at the dance. Let’s rock the party!

So what do you think about this episode? Are you happy to see our hero and heroine finally “seal it with a kiss?” Were you as thrilled as I was to witness Allie’s bother’s acting debut?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

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