Prom with G-Thing in Newport Harbor

One more for posterity!

It’s time for Prom in Newport Harbor! It’s the pivotal episode where bonds are formed and hearts are broken. Dresses are bought and nails are painted. Pictures are taken and lots and lots of alcohol is consumed. Tease your hair and shave your legs. Find a gown and buy a corsage. And don’t forget to rent a limo because we are off to the event of the season with our favorite spoiled teenagers in this… the ever anticipated Prom Episode!

This week we start off, yet again, with our standard Newport Harbor opening scene, which is Chrissy and Sasha participating in some kind of athletic activity before taking a break to talk about Clay. This time it’s tennis and then Sasha drives the conversation by asking what Chrissy did last night so she can hear about dinner with Clay followed by the First Kiss. All this leads to prom speculation and Chrissy admits that Clay asked her if she has a date for prom yet. Sasha is convinced that this is a sure sign Clay will be taking Chrissy and then Chrissy informs Sasha that she thinks Mayor Grant will be asking Sasha as well. It’s good to ask fellow cast members because this reduces the need for multiple camera crews and makes shooting much easier.

Meanwhile the Mayor and Allie are meeting up somewhere along the harbor to also discuss who will be pairing up for prom. Allie wonders if Clay will ask Chrissy and the Mayor refuses to reveal who he is thinking of asking because it will ruin the surprise. No, please! Anything but ruining the surprise! Allie remembers that Chase wanted to ask her last year and Grant reminds her that Chase and Taylor have broken up, so it may be that he and Allie go to prom together this year. Allie sighs over her “history” with Chase and they conclude that Chase has a toss up between Allie and Taylor.

Oooh, now we stop off at one of Newport Beach’s most bootylicious attractions – the Balboa Island Auto Ferry. I’ve ridden this several times, and it usually consists of being stuck waiting in a line of cars for about seven months before driving onto the ferry for your two minute crossing. You can also go minus your car and reduce your wait by several months. Either way, it’s highly worth it. Balboa Island is positively charming. I recommend The Barkery, a doggie couture shop where the outfits are all more expensive than anything I own, and featuring fresh baked pet goodies. Anyhoo, back to the ferry. Grant is being driven on to the ferry in some unknown friend’s Audi while Courtney and Sasha have gotten out of their car and are strolling over to sit down on one of the benches for the ride across. Suddenly the Mayor stands up out of the sunroof with a megaphone and starts yelling, “Hey! Who’s that good looking broad? Oh – blonde!” Then he holds up a white poster board on which he has scrawled “PROM with G?” And he yells into the megaphone, “Prom with G-Thing?” G-Thing? Oh please no, no.

"Attention, Newport Harbor! I am a wienie!"

Sasha and Courtney shriek and giggle as they approach the Audi to find out what all of this could possibly mean. G-Thing pops out with a bouquet and a huge hug for Sasha while she squeals, “Of course I’ll go to prom with you!” And so it begins! Welcome to the Grand Ritual of Prom Invitations in Orange County. I have to point out, however, that the OC kids don’t do it up quite as fancy as the kids from my high school. See, at my high school the boys had to figure out some grand adorable over-the-top scheme to present the invite, but then they had to wait for an unspecified amount of time while the girls thought up an equally extravagant way to respond – no matter what the response. The process took weeks. None of this on-the-spot answering like the lazy Newport girls.

Remember Sejour – Allie’s family’s restaurant? Well Allie is having dinner there with her parents and they are grilling her about prom. Allie shamefully reveals that neither she nor Fatty have been asked yet. She then proceeds to explain to her parents the importance of the boy asking in some creative manner that will surprise the girl. Coincidentally, just at this very moment Chase is getting out of his car behind Sejour with a rose. I think I may know what’s coming. Let’s see, shall we? Chase’s clever plan is to impersonate a waiter and bring Allie a napkin with the word PROM written on it. He sneaks up behind her and startles her by asking if she wants a refill. Then he presents her with the rose and asks if she wants to go to prom. Allie’s like, “Yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah!” and they hug. Compared to my high school days, these guys get off sooooo easy.

In what is certain to be another upcoming prom invitation – this is the prom episode after all – Clay picks Chrissy up for a little cruise around the harbor on his boat. As they ride along they both giggle bashfully and talk about what a good time they had last night. Apparently we are still on the day after their dinner date. As they are about to drift under a bridge, Clay scrunches up his eyes and asks, “What the heck is that?” They look up and hanging from the bridge is a large professionally printed banner reading, “Chrissy, Prom?” Chrissy is all aflutter and asks, “Is that you asking me?” Oh my gosh, how funny would it be if it weren’t Clay asking her? These two would both be so confused and flustered I have no idea how they’d handle such a situation. Abandon ship and swim for the shore in opposite directions? Luckily for both, it is in fact Clay asking her and she of course tells him that yes, she’d love to go to prom with him. Then he hands her a bunch of flowers. Ta da!

The production assistants got up
extra early to hang this banner.

Later on, Chrissy and Taylor head over to The Nail Lounge for some manicures and more prom discussion. Chrissy talks about how excited she is to be going with Clay and Taylor says she’s kind of sad not to be going with Chase after they’ve been together so long and, after all, this is his last prom. She says that Chase told her that he and Allie are just going as friends, but she doesn’t quite believe him. Good call, Taylor. I don’t know if Chase even knows the difference between the truth and a lie. When Taylor says she’s not planning on going to the after party, Chrissy tells her she shouldn’t worry about anything and just come. Sure, it might be awkward with Allie there, but whatevs. Wow, that sounds like fun – crashing your ex-boyfriend’s date with his ex-girlfriend. Where do I sign up?

And over on some random Newport Harbor outdoor basketball court, Chase is messing around on his skateboard when Allie comes riding along on a pink bicycle with a handlebar basket – like what I had when I was eight years old. Allie wants to know if Taylor is mad that she and Chase are going to prom together. Chase says something which may or may not be true – I’m voting for not – which is that Taylor sporadically becomes angry and stops talking to him for a while, but he doesn’t care. Allie points out that it’s not that big of a deal for Taylor to miss this prom since she’s only a sophomore and it is the junior/senior prom. She also adds that she’s “gotten over” saying hi and being nice to Taylor at school. That’s not very neighborly of you, Allie. Chase claims that he and Taylor don’t really talk anymore and they’re not going to get back together. All this time he is looking at his feet, which might signify… that he’s lying? Then Allie says, “Does that make us friends going to prom?” Chase says, “That makes us a question mark,” while air-drawing a question mark with his finger. Allie says, “That makes us a dot, dot, dot.” Ha! I remember that from the season previews.

"So... you're lying then?"

Woohoo! It’s Prom Day in Newport Harbor! Preparations are well underway as Chrissy chats in her room with her Mommy about how this is the first dance she is going to with someone she actually likes. Mommy wants to know if there will be kissing involved and Chrissy says yes, is that okay? Mommy says it’s okay as long as it’s not “long kissing.” Hmm. I wonder what constitutes long. Their first kiss wasn’t very long, so I guess if they keep it like that they’re okay. We’ll have to monitor them later on.

The boys are getting ready elsewhere, and awaiting Mayor G-Thing’s arrival, who is apparently running late due to his manicure-pedicure appointment. At Allie’s house, she and Fatty are getting ready. Allie is wearing a pale pink version of Fatty’s Pretty in Pink mini choir robe and Fatty is wearing a really cute white empire waist dress that must belong to Allie because she keeps complaining about how she can’t breathe in it.

"Allie, you know mouth to mouth, right?"

Allie consoles her by saying it should stretch out a bit. Ouch. Mayor G-Thing complains that he doesn’t like how the girls always show up to prom with these “whack-ass” hairdos. Um, what? What’s the problem, G-Thing? You forfeited all primping complaints the minute you made your mani-pedi appointment, so zip it. And speaking of whack ass hairdos…

"Weird hair is my biggest pet peeve."

Fatty says she hopes Taylor doesn’t show up because she doesn’t want any drama for Allie. What’s up with Allie’s bangs? I meant to mention this in earlier episodes, but here they are in all their glory.

And speaking of weird hair...

Allie says that if Taylor shows up she’ll just leave. Fatty vetoes that idea, suggesting that if Taylor comes, they’ll just kick her out. Back at Chrissy’s house, Chrissy and Sasha wonder if their dates are going to “expect anything.” If Clay does, Chrissy’s in trouble because she’s not even allowed “long kissing.” Sasha, who is wearing an exact replica of Allie’s mini choir robe in pale blue, acts horrified at the thought that Mayor G-Thing might dare to try anything on her. Cut directly to Clay and G-Thing, with G-Thing asking, “So you think you’ll score with Chrissy tonight or what?” And Clay says, “Hopefully.” Um, I wonder if he considers scoring anything past short kissing, because if so, he is in for a huge let down and a most certain cell phone interruption from Chrissy’s Daddy. Back at Allie’s, Allie is fluffing her hair in the mirror while pontificating over the tragic fact that this is their very last prom ever after they’ve been with all of these people for so long. Fatty just clutches her chest and hyperventilates in her tight dress.

At long last Clay and Mayor G-Thing arrive at Chrissy’s house to collect their dates. Daddy lets them in and tells them to have a seat on the couch where he will be having a word with them. Will this be in lieu of ten thousand cell phone calls throughout the evening, Daddy, or are we just setting the scene for constant intimidation? Chrissy and Sasha wait nervously upstairs holding hands.

"OMG, do you think they got manicures?"

Mayor G-Thing must have rented his tuxedo vest and tie directly from 1987 because they are pale blue – apparently to match Sasha’s dress. Is this popular again? Clay looks very suave in an all black ensemble. No hot pink to match Chrissy, Clay? What kind of date are you? Daddy wants to know exactly what the boys have planned for the evening, to which G-Thing responds that they will be attending the dance, followed by a party at Katie Newman’s house where they will get the girls all liquored up so that they can take advantage of them, but not to worry, he’s brought plenty of condoms. Daddy says he’s relieved because he doesn’t want any little Clays or G-Things running around his house, but he warns the boys to take good care of the girls because Chrissy is his only daughter, and Sasha is like his adopted second daughter. He shakes both of their hands and tells them not to mix beer and liquor if they don’t want to puke. Fond Farewell, prom goers!

And it’s off to The Cannery restaurant for pre-prom dinner! There are hugs and greetings all around as everyone admires each other’s dates and outfits. Some guy named Andrew claims to win for having the coolest tuxedo since he is wearing a pale yellow jacket, but Chase directs their attention over to a guy named Matt who goes by “Krutch,” and is wearing a canary yellow jacket from the 1970’s. Never mind. Krutch wins.

"Napoleon Dynamite is my hero."

Fatty announces to everyone who will listen that Andrew is her date, lest anyone think she doesn’t really have one. Sasha puts on her bossy hat while G-Thing ties on her wrist corsage, telling him not to make a lame bow and then acting really put out with everything.

I guess G-Thing's nanny always ties his shoes for him.

Chrissy is all compliments to the wrist corsage Clay ties on her wrist. Next it’s outside for pictures where it looks like all of the parents have joined them, so I’m not really sure what that big farewell scene was back at Chrissy’s house. I guess the condom talk wouldn’t have been so appropriate at The Cannery.

In the enormous limo where everyone piles in to be transported to the dance, Chase says to Allie in his typical humble manner, “How stoked are you that you came with me?” Oh Chase, get over yourself. You’re not even wearing a pastel. Everyone is holding brown plastic cups, the Newport Harbor equivalent of the Laguna Beach red plastic cup. In other words, they’re drinking alcohol. Prom lasts about 12 seconds, and we see them all bumping and grinding through the lens of a “home video camera,” and then it’s off again in the limo for more plastic cups on the way to the after party. Chrissy is falling all over Clay, slurring about how much fun the after party will be, and Grant stares at Sasha who won’t look back at him.

Once at the party all of the girls change into sweat suits. Clay is dismayed that none of the guys had such forethought. Too bad. The guys are relegated to tuxedos for the entire evening. Sasha looks around for her date who is riding an exercise bike next to a pulled-out sofa bed and as he attempts to remove his tuxedo jacket he falls off the bike. Ah, the fun times on MTV with underage drinking.

"I'm okay! Just a touch of the dizzies."

Uh oh, what’s this? It looks like Clay and Chrissy are starting to kiss and it looks like long kissing! Luckily Mayor G-Thing walks by and pulls them apart. Phew! Thanks Mayor G-Thing. Chrissy’s Mommy thanks you too. Outside Allie asks Chase where Taylor is and he tells her that she’s hanging out. Allie wonders if this means that she is waiting around for Allie to leave. Then Chase tells Allie that she should know Taylor is out and Allie is in. Allie likes this news very much, but I don’t believe it for a second.

Run while there's still time, Allie!

Kissing alert! And I do mean some long kissing. Clay and Chrissy are going at it and Mayor G-Thing is watching them with Sasha instead of intervening any further. G-Thing starts rubbing Sasha’s knee to see if he has any chance of making some sort of move, but Sasha is having none of it. Denied!

Fatty is in the kitchen stuffing her face and she tells Allie that she sure is glad Taylor didn’t show up. Just then, who should send Chase a text message but Taylor! And guess what. She’s at the door! Katie lets her in and Chase starts telling his boys that this is just what he didn’t want to deal with tonight and there goes senior prom. Oh, I feel so sorry for Chase. Um, negative.

As Taylor joins the party she frets about the discomfort of the situation while Chase is outside telling Krutch that he’s going to have to go over and order Taylor out of the house. Well, that’s big of you, Chase. Why doesn’t Krutch tell him to do his own dirty work? Who died and made Chase king? This isn’t even Krutch’s house, so what gives? Fatty accosts Taylor in her baby voice, asking what the deal is with her and Chase, wondering if they’re together or not. Taylor says they’re still talking, but they’re just on and off. Thanks for the dig, Fatty.

Krutch finally corners Taylor and stumbles all over his appointed mission, telling her it’s not that they want her to leave, but there’s just so much drama. It’s not that it’s a problem, it’s just that it’s so awkward… Inside Allie plays with her hair and says that if Chase wants to chill with his girlfriend tonight, that’s his deal. Outside Taylor plays with her hair and wants to know the bottom line from Krutch. Krutch can’t spit it out and just keeps saying stuff that doesn’t make sense. Taylor bursts into tears and says she’ll just go home.

Shame on you, Krutch, for taking part in this.

I think we can all thank Chrissy for encouraging Taylor to come to tonight’s shindig. Notice that Chrissy hasn’t said a word to her the entire time. She’s too busy entwining with Clay and trying not to long kiss.

The egg timer ran out ages ago.

Chase gathers a couple of the guys and heads into a different room to call Taylor on speaker phone. Doesn’t he ever quit? He acts completely ignorant of Taylor being chased away, saying he didn’t see any of it and wondering where Taylor ran off to. Ew, I really hate him. He plays everyone and then acts like he is totally innocent. Allie appears around the corner and looks at Chase. He freezes – caught in the act of talking on the phone with the “enemy.” Allie storms off and Chase goes, “Allie wait,” as enthusiastically as he would say, “My hair is short,” and then we hear Taylor say, “Well have fun tonight,” and hang up on him. Go Taylor! Allie retreats to sit in the empty limo feeling bad and Chase tries to eat his phone. What a beautiful ending to Prom 2007.

The face of Newport Evil

Next week Taylor and Chase have another stand off at the beach. Among Chrissy, Clay and their friends, the subject of Chrissy’s virginity comes up. Also, it looks like the episode where Allie threatens to disown her parents if they won’t send her to Europe. Hooray!

So what did you think of prom? Did it all turn out the way you thought it would? Will Chrissy confess to her parents about long kissing?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta