The Hills Kinda Suck - No Surprise

Umm, a little too close, no?

It seems like I barely had time to eat a frozen Tilapia (from Trader Joe's, they're delicious, you have to try them), and I already missed three episodes of The Hills to recap! Further hindering my efforts - Honey Gangsta and I are leaving for vacation for two weeks, and who knows how much nothing will have happened by the time we got back. So I offer as a consolation prize, a brief and easy to digest recap of what has and mostly has not happened in bullet points:

• Lauren broke things off with Dog. Dog was taken by surprise that someone so uninteresting didn't find him interesting.
  
• Audrina is continuing to have problems with the girls, mostly Lo. Truth be told, I'm continuing to have problems with Lo. I guess Audrina was rude to Lauren at a party they were both at, so Lauren decided to share this with everyone in Vegas at Frankie's birthday party.
• Everyone goes to Las Vegas for Frankie's birthday party.
• Who is Frankie?
• The whole Audrina / Lauren / Lo drama reminds me when Heidi and Lauren ganged up on Audrina in season 1 or 2. They completely exhiled her from social ok-ness, and now Lauren has her mascara running down her face crying to America that they used to be such good friends. Humph.
  
• Brody has become a mega-bitch, a la Alexis from Dynasty. According to urban dictionary, a mega bitch is someone who controls everyone around her and makes them feel like shit. Yep, that sums up Brody.
• Lo's ears have grown since last week, I swear!
• Heidi is torn as usual. She was torn in season one, and has continued to be torn between something at all times. She's got that down pat. Recently she has been torn between being torn about two things - putting up with Spencer's bullshit or moving on, and weather she should tell people she had a face reduction or an eye enlargement.
• Heidi's less attractive yet older (lets not assume one has to do with the other) sister moved in with her and Spencer, and is watching TV and other things that are completely unacceptable to Spencer. So Spencer spoke on behalf of Speidi and told her to get lost.
• I've been wondering lately where Kristen is...that's how bad this has become.
• I'm going on a bike ride now. See y'all in two weeks! (maybe)

That's right. This exists!