Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Bachelor: Q&A, part 2

Q: What do a British chap, an Italian Prince and a douche bag have in common?
A: They failed to find everlasting true love with the partner they chose on the television

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I am thankful today for Chris Harrison, and the joy that The Bachelor gives me, while I watch the doomed union of singles season after season. Let’s continue to see why our Bachelors are not spending their Thanksgiving with their chosen loved ones today…

Andy Baldwin
Mayo from The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman was quite possibly, the worst man ever picked to be the Bachelor. He had a weird military job treating underwater sunburns and was obsessed with triathlons. Whenever he had something to think through, it was usually while doing pull-ups or lifting 700lbs of weights with a backward leg curl. Even in his confessionals, you can tell he was doing toe-lifts and knee flexes.

Mayo and his chosen Tessa fell victim to the cliché break-up of The Bachelor and they broke off their engagement despite insisting they are still a couple. "When the fantasy wore off and the reality set in, we both realized we weren't ready to be engaged," Mayo elaborated to In Touch Weekly, which first reported the couple's decision to end their engagement. "We're taking things much slower."

Later, after spending some quality time apart, he in Huh-why and she in San Francisco, Mayo had recently re-proposed to Tessa after they both swam in a 1.2 mile race off Oahu's North Shore on July 7. Of course it involved a work-out.

"Andy got down on one knee and gave her a traditional Hawaiian gold ring," an insider told In Touch. "On the show, Andy gave Tessa a stunning, $50,000 Chopard diamond engagement ring paid for by the network, but it wasn't as meaningful to her as this ring."

Just Jared reports that the reason that Mayo finally dumped Tessa was because he had another babe on the line. According to a report from the celebrity blogger, "The Bachelor" was spotted getting cozy with former Miss Iran, Sepideh Haftgoli, in a Los Angeles park

Besides Miss Iran, Mayo has been rumored to have dated a laundry list of women since his break-up from Tessa: Bevin, the runner-up to Tessa, Mischa Barton, Audrina Patridge, Karina Smirnoff, and most recently, 45 year-old Marla Maples. Mayo has been quoted as saying that Marla is “polite and respectful and has a great heart.” Wow, what a dream come true. I wonder if Marla has to do mini-triathlons to prove her love for Mayo.

After reading this quote, I’ve decided they make a fantastic couple: “There’s a lot of sweet, cute people in the world, but it’s what’s in here,” Maples said, gesturing to Baldwin’s heart, “that counts.” They have also become friends with Deborah Gibson. Electric youth y’all – feel the power!

"Let's exercise!"

Mayo was supposed to officiate over DeAnna and Jesse’s wedding next year as he is not only an undersea medical officer, but also a certified minister! Oh, and a humanitarian, according to his website.

The many faces of a douche

Additionally, he made this very important announcement about J.Lo during the Nautica Malibu Triathlon last September: “She was sweet, I was giving her some pointers on [swimming] and helping her relax.” That boy’s busy!

One of that season's contestants who was cut about half-way through started a blog to detail her experiences with Mayo. And she had a lot of not-so-nice things to say about him. I can't find the link, but maybe HG can post it in the comments...

Shayne Lamas has an uncanny resemblance to Sasha Vujacic - anyone else agree?

Matt Grant
This Bachelor called all the way from London to find a beautiful American actress to call his own. When he first laid eyes on Shayne Lamas, he declared that she was way out of his league – that’s when I knew he would chose her to be his one-and-only true love. But alas, they broke up.

Here’s the timeline for Bachelor Matt after the final rose withered away – interrupt me when you can see the writing on the wall:

May – Shayne gave Matt the most amazing gift he'd ever receive from her (a picture of herself) and Matt asked her to be his monkey or something lame. Bam – they’re engaged after 6 weeks of knowing her.

May (same month) – Shayne poses for Girls Gone Wild Magazine and described Matt: as being “very casual [and] respectful of women.”

May (same month) – Matt stands by his fiancée after the magazine cover (?). They are now living in Lamas’ Studio City condominium.

June – Matt moves out of Lamas’ condo but the English Bachelor insists that all is well with the two.

July - Bachelor Matt Grant and fiancée Shayne Lamas have ended their short and often-rocky relationship.


"They said it's tasteful!"

Reality TV World posted this accurate headline: Matt Grant and Shayne Lamas have confirmed that their engagement has ended the same way as every other The Bachelor couple before them -- without a wedding.

Shayne gave an interview just before the break-up to Reality TV World saying: "We're madly in love and we're not going to put any pressure on ourselves, we're in it until the end. We're engaged and we're going to get married and it's forever."

But then about a minute later, an announcement came that Shayne had traveled to Las Vegas and cheated on Grant with Vegas media mogul Justin Wenerger. Shayne then reportedly broke-up with Grant via a phone call. Classy girl.
But don’t shed a single tear – Matt is in love once again! This time it’s with his British-born public relations representative, Sarah Robarts, a single mother of two (who is at least 7% unhappier than her single non-mother peers). I hope she has some good Hollywood connections for her sake.

“It’s the best relationship I have ever been in,” Grant said. “I’m completely in love. She’s extremely beautiful inside and out. She’s one in a million.”

And Shayne’s IMDB resume continues to flourish with line items like:
“Endless Bummer (2008) .... Red Bikini Girl”
There have also been rumors that Shayne refuses to return the engagement ring, saying she will keep it in a box, like a glass slipper, and that Matt can come and visit it anytime.

"Please, whatever you do, don't tell them I am a Prince from Italy"

Prince Lorenzo Borghese
Ah, Prince Lorenzo…remember this guy? He was truly the most uncomfortable Bachelor in history. Right off the bat, he told us that he feels uncomfortable telling people in social situations of his Prince status because it alters the way they treat him, and he doesn’t get to really know or see how real people are towards him. This was completely ignored by ABC as they plastered and exploited his Prince status, even having the show filmed in Italy, where you will be surprised to learn, he was born. Why surprised? If you recall, there was a lovely Italian lady vying for his heart, who did not speak a lick of English, and he could not find two words he knew from his native Italy. It was a disaster.

"Non ho idea di che cosa state parlando"

Prince Lorenzo currently resides in New York City. He is the founder and president of Royal Treatment Italian Pet Spa – a high-end bath, body and skin care line for pets, using the finest natural cosmetics from Italy. This earned him his moniker The Pet Beautician. Recently he found and became president of a social networking site for pet owners called Spot just added Rufus as a friend!

"I don't want to decide!"

Prince Lorenzo chose Jennifer Wilson over the Sadie, who’s virginity was treated as if it were herpes. Only one month after the show ended, Jennifer was rumored to be secretly dating someone else. Later that month, Sadie came to visit the Prince in NY and ended up moving there and started dating him. But things didn’t work out here either:

"Lorenzo just wouldn't commit to her. He liked her a lot but wouldn't make her his one and only. Seems like he had a completely different impression of her before she moved here," an "insider" told The Post. "He thought she was very sweet, innocent and intelligent. Turns out she is a big party girl and doesn't take her job seriously at all."

Prince Lorenzo Borghese Can Make Your Wet Dog Smell Like Chocolate

In other Prince Lorenzo news, in November 2006 he found Salma Hayek’s borrowed gems in a New York taxi cab. Salma’s assistant was supposed to bring $50,000 worth of baubles to Miss Hayek, but left them behind in a cab. The next person who happened to take that same cab was the Prince. He noticed the envelope with Miss Hayek's name on it and called ABC to let them know he had something of hers. That Prince Lorenzo – he’s so edgy and controversial with his news-making!

Not a lot else was to be found on The Prince. He seems to lead a low-profile life connecting pet owners and giving mani/pedis to his dogs.

We're about half-way there...stay tuned for more in the coming weeks.

1 comment:

Honey Gangsta said...

Okay here is the blog address for Kate from Mayo's season:

WARNING: It's mostly about her recent wedding. Snooze, as if we care. But the older entries dish some dirt on Mayo.