Models of the Runway: Decision Bryant Park!

"Who do I have to kill to prove I can walk!?"

Moments before... Don Draper convinced Bert Cooper and Roger Sterling to buy back Sterling Cooper and start all over! I don't know how I'm going to wait until next summer to see how this all plays out! And meanwhile Betty is off to Reno to wait out a divorce. So many exciting things happening - and none of them on Models of the Runway!

Okay let's talk about this latest game of Who's Going Home. What will our little brainiacs do to keep us mildly entertained for the next half hour? And they brought Joan back to help run the new agency! Ahem, models. The final five are sitting backstage waiting to see which designers made it to the finals for Fashion Week. Irina made it by wrapping Kalyn in a green sheet and cutting out holes for the shoulders. This is actually the closest thing I've seen to sleeves this entire season, so I give Irina half a prop for that. Other than that, this dress is fugly.

Where's Kalyn's skinny mirror when she needs it?

But since Irina is IN, Kalyn is hopeful that she will be chosen as her model for the finals. Next on the chopping block is Christopher, so Katie gets all nervous. But Christopher is OUT, for sending his same crap down the runway for the last time.

Gee, never seen this look before.

Delta Burke almost faints because the judges don't see the connection between an old-fashioned bed on display at the Getty Center museum and this:

Maybe if she'd been inspired by an Oscar statue...

But nevertheless Carol Hannah is IN and Delta is just so happy for her. So Cheetos and Mater are left to see which of their designers (Althea and Gordana respectively) will go on to the finals, and consequently, which of them. Well Althea is IN, so Cheetos breathes a sigh of relief while Mater hangs her head. Okay, well that settles that. We now know the models' fate as well, so... onward and upward, right? Wrong. We still have 20 minutes to fill with fretting and giggling. Here we go.

Christopher comes backstage sobbing, of course. He admonishes everyone to admit how amazing it is that he made it this far, and Katie comforts him by literally saying, "There was never anything that you sent down that was like horribly, horribly bad."

"OMG thank you Katie!"

And there you have it. With models like Katie, who needs judges to say you suck? She sends him off, saying she believes in him. Inside, we all know she is pissed off at him for blowing her chance at Bryant Park. Oh well Katie. You'll always have Double Stick Tape Gate.

Next in the holding tank is Gordana to apologize to Mater for ruining her career.

"It was all a big misunderstanding."

It's all good though because Mater still has Hugh Grant in her future. Mater waxes philosophic about the beauty of Gordana's last design. See, I'm ambivalent about this one. I know Gordana shed tears about the spirituality of her final design, but honestly it was so flippin simple. It was just an A-line strapless gown with layers. I could have practically made it. And I love me some European cathedrals, but come on. This was no feat of fashion.

Anyone tearing up?

Heidi time! Let me guess. She wants to know if anyone's nervous.

"Fahrvergnügen!"

She asks Katie how she feels about Christopher losing. Katie says she would have loved to accompany Christopher to Bryant Park and now she's nervous. Pretty much same go-round with Mater. Today was SO emotional and everyone has cried, boo hoo. Heidi offers the girls congrats on improving over the competition and then announces that a skin care expert and a makeup expert will be dropping by the modelplex with tips. Are you kidding me? At this point? Why? Wait, I know. Filler. Back home Katie brags that Irina has told her she's a really good walker. Yeah, I learned to walk when I was a year old, yee-haw.

All the girls except for Katie decide to go out for cocktails. Katie decides she needs some time alone to pout. Over drinks Mater shares the fact that Irina has mentioned wanting to work with Mater, so she's holding out some hope that maybe Irina will choose her. This statement makes Kalyn do this:

"I love... wait a second!"

So the next day the L'Oreal guy and a dermatologist drop by to give out some beauty tips. Okay, let's think about this. A dermatologist is hired to appear on camera to promote a specific line of skin care. You know, L'Oreal Skin Genesis because they haven't pimped that enough yet during the opening credits of every single episode. Can we really trust anything this doctor is going to tell us? I mean what, would she really say that other brands are just as good or better? Cripes, use sunscreen girls. That's the goldmine of knowledge this dermy has to share with you. That and eye creams work. You're welcome. Then the L'Oreal guy shows Cheetos this L'Oreal mascara that is "just as good" as fake lashes. I actually received this very product in a gift bag at one of the many fabulous Hollywood events I'm invited to attend and I've tried it. It's fine, but there's NO WAY it's just as good as fake lashes. It's weird though, because when you wash your face there are all these lashes left in the sink. Not your lashes, but the mascara attaches in little tubes to your lashes, so those little tubes wash off and it's very odd and disconcerting. I would actually say don't buy it for that reason alone.

If you can read upside down, then I've accomplished product placement.

The models actually applaud the makeup guy and the dermy when they finish. Just think, a GOOD makeup brand like Smashbox might have received a standing ovation.

On elimination day as the girls are getting ready to leave, Katie decides to twist the knife one last time and tells everyone that if she's eliminated she going to scream about the double stick tape.

"I see them! I see the elves! They're coming for me!"

Kalyn's like, "Oh Katie, I thought we were going to drop it." And that's the end of that. Well that was overhyped on the previews.

Heidi comes out to tell the top three designers that this is a very important decision because the models they choose today will walk for them at Bryant Park. Oh really? I didn't catch that the first 500 times. Althea is drawn first and she chooses Cheetos, who is always chosen first. She says that Cheetos is a fabulous model and a fabulous friend. Carol Hannah also says that Delta Burke has become a really good friend and she's excited to take her to New York. And now it's up to Irina to make one girl's dreams come true and ruin two other girls' lives.

Irina asks if she can pick the blonde one.

First she jokes that she'd like to take all three, ha ha ha. Then she gushes all over Kalyn about how she's beautiful inside and out and coming along to New York! Kalyn's like, "Irina really deserves it? I'm so excited to be her model?" Why is everything a question?

So Katie and Mater are O-U-T. And no outburst from Katie about double stick tape. In fact, she's quite gracious. The girls all gather in the holding tank to hug and congratulate each other. Heidi leaves with a "Tschuss!" to complete the show with some German. Later the top three designers come over to hang out with their models and they crack some champagne and reminisce about the good times. They all toast each other and generally kiss each other's butts. You're amazing. No, you're amazing. We are ALL amazing. Cheers!

"Here's to you little people!"

Next time, it's the finale! And we're still having an episode. I'll be here to tell you all about it! So what do you think? Did the right models make it? I'm kinda glad Katie didn't. I did like Mater, though. What about you?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta