Sunday, November 15, 2009

Models of the Runway: Models have Moms!

Delta's mom.jpg
And some who are younger than the models!

Moments before... the three Project Runway finalists received the non-surprise that they will have to design a 13th look for their collections at the very last minute! Our Models of the Runway - Delta, Cheetos and Kalyn - all react like they just saw a soap bubble popping.

"I totally didn't see that coming!"

After the initial shock wears off, Kalyn announces that she is really excited about it actually. Well there is surprise number two for the episode - and we're still only in the first minute! Then Tim goes on to announce that each designer's "muse model" (I guess that's their new honored title) will be casting the 13th model to wear the 13th look. Too many 13s. It doesn't sit well. Delta Burke tells us that she's never been a casting director before.

Delta never.jpg
Something else she's never done? Read.

This is the most responsibility any of these girls has ever had! Will it be too much for them to handle?

To begin the process we have a grand meeting of the designers and their "muse models" to go over the random models who have already been cast. And no, none of them are the lost sisters from this beloved series. As several of you pointed out - and as I had also pondered - each designer needs 13 models for the Bryant Park show. And really we can't use any of the girls who've been eliminated? Apparently not. The producers have decided to add more suspense by quickly hiring at the eleventh hour new models who may or may not have any experience and who may or may not even be available for the show.

After her mini-meeting with Althea, Cheetos says, "She wants a girl that has the same body shape as me - hee. And my height - hee. And walks like me - hee." Oh get over yourself. It's called a "collection" for a reason. Sameness is actually desirable in this case and not JUST a tribute to your overall perfection. Carol Hannah wants a girl who looks like a fairy and doesn't have short hair. Irina wants someone happy looking to counterbalance herself.

Heidi time! Heidi wants to know what the models think about the collections.

Any guesses as to what Heidi thinks?

Cheetos thinks Althea's stuff is totally new and different, Delta Burke is totally impressed that Carol Hannah knows how to sew pants, and Kalyn LOVES Irina's stuff. Now about this upcoming casting session. All Heidi says is, "Have any of you ever walked at Bryant Park before?" Thanks for the casting tips, Heidi. The girls head over to their hotel room and sit around discussing how excited and nervous they are. They all seem to think their own designers are going to win, which really doesn't mean anything, so oh well.

It looks like a dozen or so girls show up for the model casting. The first few girls come in, walk back and forth, and are pretty underwhelming. Cheetos giggles heartily when one model swings her arm around all weird as she paces around for them.

arm swinger.jpg
"Ugh. Where did these novices learn to walk?"

Another girl admits that she's only been modeling for three weeks. Be gone with you! No newcomer is going to bust in on this parade and cut straight to the front of the Bryant Park line. You hit the streets and do some time before trying to walk THIS show, sweetie. After several obvious failures, a blonde girl walks in and takes Delta Burke's breath away. She's tall, she's willowy, she looks just like a fairy - she's perfect! Would she happen to be available this afternoon? The girl can barely speak English and instructs Delta to call her agency.

call agency.jpg
What is your name? Call agency.

She doesn't know her own schedule, sheesh! There is an entire staff of people who make their livelihood by waking models up in the morning and sending them around Manhattan one instruction at a time. What would they have left to do if she knew herself what she was doing this afternoon?

The next miracle occurs when Cheetos spots a Korean version of herself and decides she'll be perfect for Althea's collection. She blurts out a triumphant, "She's ethnic!" Good eyes there, Cheetos.

Ethnic Cheetos

And finally Kalyn spots a leggy redhead she is certain will be the perfect highlight of Irina's show - next to herself, of course. Delta hits a bump in the road when she discovers her blonde model's agency has already booked her for this afternoon (and yet sent her on this call anyway). She has to settle for a second choice who may not be as fairy-like and she almost gives herself an ulcer fretting over it. In the next scene the "muse models" present the random models they have selected for their designers and we get to watch them walk back and forth again. Kalyn introduces her pick by saying, "She's like, a redhead."

"And I LOVE redheads."

Delta falls all over herself trying to explain that her first choice was double-booked, but this second choice is thin and tall. And just how does that set her apart from any other model?

blonde fairy.jpg
It doesn't, as it turns out.

Well everyone can breathe a big sigh of relief because all the designers love the new models. As I'm watching these girls pace around the room I am wondering if there is a law somewhere that models have to look like they just crawled out from under a rock when they go on their casting calls, or "go-sees" as Tyra Banks taught me. Every one of these girls look like their hair hasn't seen a brush in decades and they've never even heard of makeup. Something else I learned from Tyra is that the models are supposed to present themselves as a blank slate for the designers to work with, which I get - I mean, you wouldn't want to come in wearing some Hawaiian print and purple eye shadow up to your brows, but is it really too much to ask that they shower? I mean, natural beauty only goes so far ladies. Then there is personal hygiene.

Now here comes a new and interesting twist - we are going to meet families! Delta's mom and grandma pop in to wish her well and her mom looks like she's about 30. Then her grandma looks 45. Delta practically looks older than the both of them! Delta tells us that she grew up in Kentucky and was raised by her mom and grandma, who kept giving her money when she decided to try her hand at modeling.

Baby Delta.jpg
Aw, Baby Delta.

Well that explains why this is the first show they've seen her in. They had to wait for a network to pay their travel costs because they were too busy working three jobs each to keep Delta running around town on her go-sees.

Next through the door is Kalyn's mom who looks just like Kalyn and is just as excited as Kalyn about everything. Kalyn tells us about her sad childhood in Texas where she was always really skinny and never good at sports, but she liked performing, so she decided to be a model!

Baby Kalyn.jpg
This photo creeps me out. It's an adult head on a child body. AKA, a model.

Here's a shocker: Kalyn didn't go to college.

And finally, both of Cheetos' parents and her brother show up to pay their respects.

Baby Cheetos.jpg
Another ethnic Cheetos!

We learn that when Cheetos was 15 some woman came up to her and asked if she wanted to be a model. Okay, that also happened to me in high school and I'm 5'3". These retards are everywhere asking people if they want to be models. One time a guy handed my roommate his card on the street and told her he's looking for models. She's 5'10" so in her case there was actually some plausibility, but she was smart enough to google his name and the very first entry that came up was about him being involved in a modeling scam. We had many laughs about that one and even sent him an email, advising him to at least choose a pseudonym while he was being prosecuted. Whatevs, my point is that rarely does some random stranger come up to you and launch you a legitimate career. It cracks me up when famous people say they were discovered that way. And so much for the legions of hopefuls streaming into New York everyday knocking on doors and begging for modeling jobs. Just stand on the corner long enough and someone will promise you a modeling career in exchange for lots and lots of money.

Later the "muse models" all bring their families together to meet each other and toast to the girls in question. Lots of warm fuzzy feelings.

Delta's boyfriend.jpg
Which of these gentlemen is the caption for?

Then the girls head off to take a good look at the runway they will be walking down tomorrow in the grand finale (as opposed to the demi-finale we're getting tonight). It's super big - the runway I mean.

Next time Heidi talks to the girls about making different faces and then the girls nervously await the crowning of the Project Runway winner, which will in turn determine which of them wins as well. I can't imagine how anticlimactic it's going to be, but what choice do we have? See you then!

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta


NoiXdeCoco said...

I haven't been watching Model of the Runway, nor Project Runway since the Michael Kors episode left me so empty and disappointed. I have so many side projects - writing grants for not winning a trip to sit on top of an active volcano in Nicaragua, drafting emails I'll never send to my inappropriate ex-boss, and taking weeks of fighting software to figure out that advantix negative is not the same as 35mm negatives.

Anyway, on Friday night, I caught up with 3 episodes of PR and 2 of Models (tape gate, thankfully, did not record). I still can not believe that Temptation Island AND Girls Club was canceled and THIS is still on the air.

I know this show sucks hard, and you know it, and everyone else knows it. And I am STILL shocked at how badly this show sucks, despite the common knowledge.

Delta is so irritating to me - she has an ugly voice, as ugly face, and zero personality. I was shocked to learn that she has a boyfriend. She's also dumb - she's never been a casting director? 1. no duh 2. picking a girl out of a bunch of girls to be 1/13th of a show is hardly being a casting director. At best, I'd give her "scout."

Kaylin's mom freaked me out. They were creepily the same.

The 13th look was about as surprising as the sun rising this morning. UGH!!!! So infuriating that they think we're as dumb as they are.

NoiXdeCoco said...

Oh, and nice memory on the "casting director" who gave me that card on the street. If you recall, he replied to our email saying something about how Michael Jackson was falsely accused too and some other weird nonsense. And when our reply was just the word: whatever, he flipped out in a few more paragraphs!

Hahahaha - good times.