Tuesday, March 02, 2010

The Bachelor: Finale Mini Cap

"I need to think."

Last night on The Bachelor, Jake thought a lot. He thought a lot, talked a lot and cried a lot. We finally met the glorious Pavelka family, who finally met Jake's top two choices. First up was Princess Tenley, who wasted no time telling Jake's mom and dad (separately) about her ex-husband and how her post traumatic stress disorder has proven to her that she is ready to be a wonderful wife, daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law. Then she jumped into the pool with Jake fully clothed to show she is fun, too! The Pavelkas LOVED Princess Tenley.

Wiener met them next and they weren't big fans... at first. They all wanted to know why she couldn't get along with the other girls. What was Wiener's problem? But then she shed tears and told them each how much she loved Jake so they forgave her and decided she was all right.

On Jake's last date with Princess Tenley he told her that he felt like they had great emotional chemistry, but not-so-great physical chemistry... but great sexual chemistry. Princess had no idea what he meant and neither did anyone else. She cried and determined to prove to him that night that they had great physical chemistry.

Wiener used her last date to roll around in sulfur mud with Jake, smear it on his chest, then trace the words "I love you" into said mud on said chest. Jake smeared mud right back onto Wiener and giggled excessively. Wiener gave Jake the ring her daddy had given her as a "promise ring" and told him that she's ready to give him her heart.

Jake met with a product placement ring guy then worried really hard about whom to choose. The next day Jake strolled out onto the Proposal Platform and waited for each girl to arrive via helicopter. Princess Tenley stepped out first, spelling her doom. She and Jake cried their eyes out while he told her there was just something missing, but he'd never forget her. Then Wiener landed and usurped Jake's speech by telling him she would be lost without him. He gave her the daddy ring back because it's just creepy, then knelt down and offered her the product placement engagement ring, which she grabbed right up.

On the After the Final Rose Special, Princess Tenley got no answers, Wiener denied all the tabloid rumors, Jake and Wiener danced to a live performance of "On the Wings of Love" for a full ten minutes, then Ali was announced as the next Bachelorette. Surprised? Me neither. Stay tuned for all the exciting details!

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