Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Football Wives: Injury List

We rejoin the Football Wives in Amanda’s semi truck following Chanita’s ambulance to the hospital. The girls all hold hands and say a prayer for Chanita, so that should cover Bible Study for this week, right? Amanda tells us there’s no way they’re going on with the fashion show when Chanita could be about to die. I still think Chanita is fine. She makes a huge deal about everything. Can you imagine if someone had interrupted the Rockstar Rascals fashion show with a silly little headache?

Amanda: "It better be. She ruined my fashion show."

Meanwhile Erin (remember her?) and Pilar are still back at the store and Pilar has missed all the excitement. She’s wandering around asking where everybody went. When she finds out what happened she’s kind of put out that no one thought to inform her. She decides there’s nothing she can do from the store so she goes home. Not to the hospital with the other girls, but home. I kind of don’t blame her since I don’t expect Chanita’s condition to be anything serious. But on the other hand, Pilar isn’t exactly someone who would be there for you in a pinch.

The girls are all waiting in Amanda’s truck when Amanda emerges from the hospital with news. Apparently she has a nursing background and was able to hang around and find out what was going on.

"Okay, y'all just calm down. Everybody relax. I was in nursing school for a semester, I know what's going on."

Chanita’s sedated and is currently having a CT scan. That sounds pretty standard for coming in with a bad headache. Amanda announces that Chanita is more important than jewelry and thus the fashion show is postponed. And since there’s nothing any of them can do tonight they all go home.

The next morning we join Chanita at home in her bed, sitting up working on something. She tells us she’s fine, she just had a severe migraine. Shocking. She’s surrounded with flowers and balloons so I’m sure she’s been sufficiently coddled. The girls start coming over to sob about nearly losing her.

"If only I'd had some Excedrin in my purse! I'll never forgive myself!"

Chanita says something like it took a damn ride in an ambulance to realize she’s not damn superwoman. I love how her hysterical overreaction can be reinterpreted into a much deserved break from her overachieving. Also? George is coming home from training camp to make sure she’s okay. And aw, the girls have all learned that they’re not invincible and they need to rely on each other.

Later Dawn is having a tea party with her little girl when husband Ryan calls with the news that he’s been injured. Last night at practice he heard a pop in his knee and now he has to have an MRI.

"If only I could think of another way for our family to have an income..."

Wow, everyone’s taking a trip to the hospital! This is terrible news because the season is only six weeks long and if Ryan is out of commission for any period of time, he won’t get paid. Dawn worries about their mortgage and once again, fails to mention her status as an attorney. Ryan mumbles that he’ll work hard and rehab quickly and be back to playing in time for the season.

Chanita discusses Ryan’s situation with her husband while he’s home tending to her life-threatening situation. She complains to us that it’s unfair that with one wrong step Ryan and Dawn could be out of the season while Pilar is sitting pretty riding her husband’s money train. Gee, you know who else finds that unfair? The rest of the world. We have to gain skills or go to school then work our way up in various jobs to pay our bills. And we too, could lose our jobs at any time for any reason and have to start all over. The difference is, no one ever paid us ridiculous amounts of money to play a game. Chanita switches gears, saying that if her worst enemy was in the hospital she’d make it a point to go visit them. BS! This is, of course, a jab at Pilar for going home the other night instead of coming to the hospital. Chanita and George decide they’re way cooler than the Sanders and they even let everyone use their bathroom. It seems that Pilar makes her guests go outside to the guest house to use the bathroom. What a bitch. George could pretty much care less about the Pilar drama, but when Chanita pretends he’s Pilar and then mock-strangles him, her dog freaks out. That’s so cute! The dog doesn’t want Chanita hurting George. A dog like this would make a great character on an episode of Snapped.

Then fate stepped in and Twinkie dialed 911...

For our next scene Dawn has arranged a lunch with Melani to talk to her about what happens once your husband stops playing football. It’s so funny to me how these women are so completely clueless as to life outside a football field. How do they think everyone else in America lives whose husbands don’t play football? And another thing. Didn’t they know the career span of a professional football player before this point in time? I mean all of these families made the choice to have men playing professional football, so certainly they understand the length of this type of career and should have been thinking about what would happen after. Melani suggests that Ryan finds something to do that he loves and the money will come. Just like you’d tell any high school graduate.

"There's this website called"

Oh look, here’s Ryan, home from training camp. Could this be part of his intense rehab? Dawn mentions that they’ve been invited to go on a boat later. Ryan seems less than enthused. But he always seems less than enthused.

"We won the lottery? Great. What's for dinner?"

Ryan explains that if you get hurt during the season you are still guaranteed half of your contract. But if you get hurt during training camp you get nothing.

Later we learn that it’s Brittany and David who have rented a boat and invited everyone to come to the lake with them. Amanda tells us that Brittany invited everyone - including Pilar. But that’s okay because Brittany just doesn’t know yet. About Pilar being awful I guess. Chanita is excited that the boat is equipped with a stripper pole and things get underway as the girls start drinking.

Wow, Dawn. Try not to get too nasty.

Pilar sits off to the side with her arms folded, looking like she’s quietly judging.

"Ugh, why did I agree to spend ANOTHER day with the peasantry?"

Then we have a totally random conversation between David and Brittany where Brittany talks about how her roommate just dropped the bomb on her that’s she’s moving out, so Brittany has to find a new roommate. David mentions that he might as well move in since they already have a dog together and all. I already thought they lived together, but this conversation is proving me wrong. These two are the opposite of interesting.

"Should we get everyone in on a beer pong super-tourney?"

Time to pick on Pilar! Amanda straight up asks Pilar if she wants any friends among the group and then calls her out on not coming to the hospital. Pilar claims she didn’t know what was going on, but the Erin pipes up and says Pilar asked what was going on and Erin told her. For some reason, Dawn of all people gets the most worked up and tells Pilar to stay out of their group. Oh boy. Brittany’s probably relieved that being the only girlfriend didn’t end up being the factor to keep someone out of the wives club. Amanda takes back control of the conversation and tells Pilar she doesn’t talk to them with respect.

"Shut up, you crazy bitches! I'm talking about RESPECT!"

Naturally Pilar says none of them ever talk to her with respect either. Chanita pipes up again about the hospital. You had a headache, Chanita! You should be embarrassed, not out for blood for anyone who didn’t rush to your side. Pilar says “sweetheart” a lot in a very condescending way and Dawn is still all worked up. This is all very silly.

Chanita: "I'm very hurt and offended that you weren't on-hand for my false alarm."

Next week! The girls form a flag football team! This could be a very positive way for them to get their aggression out.

Who's excited for flag football? What do you think of all this bickering?
Thanks for reading!

No comments: