Thursday, March 03, 2011

Bethenny Ever After: In-Law Smackdown

Hey everyone, Bethenny’s back! We left off following her life shortly after the birth of her daughter, Bryn. And now she’s letting us back in to watch how she’s adjusting to family life and balancing her career with her new husband and baby. Let’s see what’s going on!

"I still have plenty to say!"

What’s going on first is that Bethenny and Jason are taking Cookie and Bryn out for a stroll in Manhattan. Jason points out that Bethenny’s become one of “those women,” and she says she loves it. She tells us it’s been hard being a newlywed, a new mother and a career girl. That’s a lot to try to juggle, so I’m sure she still has her team of helpers who will appear as supporting cast members. Guess what. Bethenny is about to turn 40 and has been thinking about having baby number two. Remember last season when she was adamant that one pregnancy was all she was in for? It sounds like she’s so enamoured with Baby Bryn that round two is a distinct possibility.

Hello, Jason Jr.!

So they’re sitting in some kind of park talking about their lives and Bethenny suddenly tells Jason that he needs to step in and help her with her Skinny Girl business. It seems that lots of people are telling Bethenny they can’t find Skinny Girl stuff when they go shopping and Bethenny wants Jason to find out why this is. What’s holding up the show? I’m not exactly clear on why Bethenny can’t do this herself. This is her business, isn’t it? Jason has his own job. They get home from the park and Jason seems none too thrilled about getting to the bottom of the Skinny Girl shortage. Bethenny says she feels like it’s something he would be passionate about and besides, this is Bryn’s college money we’re talking about. That’s very dramatic, Bethenny. I assume you have a phone in your home office there? You could maybe use it to find out what’s up. Talk of Bryn’s college fund leads to talk of other official things, like life insurance and a will. Bethenny wants to know that if she dies her money will go to Bryn and not to Jason to spend on some new ho. Ha ha! Jason just giggles, which riles Bethenny up into fantasies of young blondes living happily on her hard earned Skinny Girl cash. As for her, Bethenny says she might never marry again, but of course she’d probably sleep with some hot pool boy; she’s only human.

And look! Cookie's still rolling with the punches.

The next scene we have is Bethenny and her friend Lauren (who also recently gave birth) going for a bra fitting because, as Bethenny says, it’s time to leash the hounds. The lady measures Bethenny and tells her she’s either a G or an F. I’m sorry, what? G or F? That sounds like crazy porn star territory and Bethenny, while looking well endowed, does not look like a freaky cartoon. Plus she’s tiny. How is this possible?

She had a C-section, right? No scar?

While bouncing around in size G and F bras, Bethenny tells Lauren that they’re visiting Jason’s parents this weekend and that she feels like she sees a lot of them. Jason sees them every two weeks and Bethenny sees them every three weeks. I’m guessing this is largely due to Bryn and the fact that Bryn is the first and only grandchild, but that is quite often. And it sounds like since they don’t live in the city, these visits last full weekends. Bethenny feels terrible for feeling like it’s a lot since Jason’s parents are so sweet, but I agree with her - that’s a lot. Especially when every time it happens it means house guests.

We’re taking a road trip to Hazleton, Pennsylvania! This is the small-ish town where Jason grew up. So Jason and Bethenny transport half of their apartment into their minivan and head out. No servants on this trip? But there’s immediately trouble. The car smells like dog poop. They stop to pick up a birthday cake for Jason’s mom and Jason discovers that one of the floor mats is the culprit and must be disposed of. After that is finally taken care of, they pull out and Bethenny realizes it’s time for Bryn to eat. They pull over again so Bethenny can feed Bryn and Jason can eat a salad. By the time they get going it’s been an hour and a half since they left their house. I’ve noticed this about people with children and it makes nervous for my own future if there should ever be children involved. Leaving the house is no longer a matter of 30 seconds, it’s an entire afternoon - just to get everything into the car!

Wow! Remind me to move here.

During the drive they discuss the possibility of moving to California because it might be more practical to raise two children outside of Manhattan. Plus Bethenny says there are a lot of work opportunities for her there. Jason points out that his work is in New York, so Bethenny offers to trade him baby number two for California.

The baby hogs.

Upon arrival at Jason’s parents’ house, we learn that there will be a dinner outing this evening, and that some neighbors may be at the restaurant. Apparently this visit to Hazleton is big local news. Also, Jason has this goofy childhood friend named Brian who stops by to say hello. Brian has a haircut from the 80’s and is wearing a shirt that says “I heart hot moms.” Where did this guy come from? Oh and he explains how he drives all the way to Philadelphia to visit the only stylist on earth who can achieve this Bon Jovi look. Nice to meet you, Brian!

"So Bethenny, do you have plans later?"

Jason takes Bethenny to a little diner for hot dogs and as they walk in you can hear people telling her that they love the show. The owner of the diner even comes over to introduce himself. As they sip a milkshake, Bethenny kind of laughs and tells Jason he’s in his glory. The triumphant warrior returning home to say hi to the little people. Bethenny tells us that coming to a place like this makes her realize how truly different she and Jason are and that she should give him a break once in a while. Just now this cute girl comes over and nervously tells Bethenny that she’s a huge fan and that Bethenny is stunning. Bethenny is totally flattered and really sweet. She hugs the girl and thanks her over and over. Aw, that’s nice. She tells Jason she loves this part of it.

A Skinny Girl in the making.

Later, as promised, we go out to dinner with Jason’s parents and everyone in the restaurant is hilarious. They all turn to stare really hard as the family - and camera crew - walks in and sits down. They don’t even bother trying to pretend they’re not staring.

Way to play it cool, guys.

This must be their first experience with a real live celebrity. Or a real live camera or something. But it’s Carol’s birthday (Jason’s mom) and it’s time to give this sleepy town a thrill. By the way, Jason is wearing a black sweater with a peach collar sticking out. It’s very odd. And he brings up the California conversation that he and Bethenny had in passing in the car today. It seems premature to already tell his parents, but okay. There’s this HUGE pause and both of Jason’s parents look like they’re about to burst into tears. Carol is so cute. She reminds me of my mom - always trying to be sweet to the children-in-law, not wanting to step on anyone’s toes. She says that while they’d hate to see them go, they know that they have a whole life ahead of them and they don’t want to hold them back. But just leave Bryn here in Pennsylvania, k?

Jason is racked with guilt because he is the only living child and Bryn is the only grandchild, so he feels like he has a huge responsibility to provide his parents with all of their grandparent experience.

"And I wore this peach shirt because I thought you guys liked it."

That’s hard. His first obligation is to Bethenny, not his parents, but I can understand that he feels like this is their only chance to be grandparents. Carol insists that she understands that they need family time, and Bethenny brings up the time that Bryn first rolled over. It sounds like the minute they saw her roll over Jason was on the phone to tell his parents about it. Yeah, he probably could have waited until the next time they talked, I don’t know. This is tough. I dated a guy once who called his parents like three times every day and it drove me nuts. I realize a grandchild is different, but really, Jason’s focus needs to be at his home, not in Hazleton, Pennsylvania. Bethenny starts to cry. She tells Jason’s parents that she loves Jason for who he is and that they have everything to do with that. Eventually they leave it saying that there needs to be a balance.

During the random short segment, a neighbor of Jason’s parents pops over to the front yard to say hello. His name is Buck. He tells Bethenny that his father, who was also named Buck, was a sperm donor and now he’s taken over the sperm donor business. This is just a clever way for Buck to say he’s promiscuous. Bethenny is highly amused.

The next day over lunch or dinner in Jason’s parents’ dining room, the visitation subject continues. It’s almost like last night’s conversation never happened. Bethenny finally says that they’re going to need some space to be their own little family. She tells them that she likes visiting them, but she wants to KEEP liking to visit them and not feel like it’s something they have to do. Jason is mortified and shakes his head. He tells us that this is very hurtful to his parents and that family is everything. Bethenny promises that they’ll have a good relationship with their granddaughter - and with her and Jason. Carol’s like, “That’s all we ask,” and Bob is like, “Let’s never have this conversation again.” Awkward!

It's hard to eat through tears of disappointment.

Later Jason takes Bethenny to another one of his old haunts, this time the Capri, which is a little dive bar.

More like a dive rec room.

A bunch of Jason’s friends are here, including Brian Bon Jovi. They toast to meeting Jason’s wife and Bethenny is astounded to discover that two drinks only cost five dollars. When she’s surprised, the bartender says, “You’re not in New York.” True that! I was once in New York with my friend and we ordered a “special” cocktail in the bar of a hotel. We each ordered ONE and the check came... for fifty dollars. Fifty dollars! No wonder they didn’t put the price on the menu. And no wonder Bethenny can’t believe she’s getting two drinks for five bucks. Some guy tells Bethenny she’s very attractive and mature. He kisses her hand and she says she’s starting to feel like Jodi Foster in The Accused. Ha!

They chat with Jason’s friends and Bethenny continues to be surprised at how different their backgrounds are. One of Jason’s friends tells Bethenny she can have roots here. This was after she said she didn’t have any roots. Bethenny is so touched (and wasted) that she starts crying and saying that’s the sweetest thing ever.

"I'm going to buy Hazleton and rename it Skinny Girl-ton."

Jason tells Bethenny that he loves her tonight more than ever. I’m sure that’s true, but five seconds ago he was saying how hammered he is, so methinks Jason might be an amorous drunk.

The next morning as Jason and Bethenny pack up the car, Bob tears up. They don’t want to say goodbye to little Bryn. His parents are totally sweet. I mean, Bethenny could have ended up with completely psycho in-laws, but these ones are just lovely.

Ah, it’s another visit to our old friend, Dr. Amador. Bethenny tells him about the weekend, and about how different she and Jason are, and Dr. Amador nods.

"I accept cash or credit cards."

He asks her to expand on some of her thoughts, and he wants her to admit that she has roots with her parents, even if they didn’t have good relationships. He reminds her that her own mother fed Bethenny just like Bethenny feeds Bryn and doesn’t she think her mother loved her? Geez, didn’t Bethenny have a terrible relationship with her mother? Would the fact that her mother fed her as a baby make her feel better about all that? But at least Dr. Amador is talking and not just nodding this time.

This season! Buster is back! And he won’t eat raw oysters. It also looks like Bethenny goes on Rachel Ray and Skating with the Stars. Bryn participates in some sort of African baptism, and Max the assistant is back... maybe messing up? There’s one dramatic scene where Bethenny storms through a crowd sobbing and locks herself into a bathroom. Oh, and I caught a glimpse of Ramona and Alex - won’t it be fun to see them?

So what do you guys think? Are you happy to have more of Bethenny? What’s up with this in-law visitation drama?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

1 comment:

Bethany said...

I am in love with you! You are too funny!