Ah, Project Runway, you are a gem indeed. This time, you've gone where no other reality show has gone, in terms of creating a despicable conflict, and by fulfilling NoiXdeCoco and HoneyGangsta's wishes...
The show starts with psycho Jeffrey declaring that Alison was his best friend. I find that interesting because Jeffrey is an unstable maniac and Alison was so sweet and grounded. What do they have in common and how could one relate to the other? Ponder.
The Knight Rider won last week, and he's still so excited, he grinned himself a headache. I've totally done that, and I'm being serious. I laugh so much all day long, sometimes I get tired of laughing. Between IMs from my brother, posts from TVGasm, and Kevin & Bean online, I laugh so much that I go through a whole box of tissues wiping my face of the fluids that get excreted from the hilarity...so I feel ya Hoff!
Did you see me foreshadow the mom thing at the end of the last post? M'kay?!?! I will be foreshadowing two more things in this post...you just wait. We meet Uli's mom, and her name is none other than....drum roll please, HEIDI! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And we also find out that Jeffrey is from Costa Nostra. Excuse me? Where in the world is that?? Turns out, it's his own design line and it's pretty hot. Ugh, can't believe I said that.
So the premise of this episode was to pick someone's else's mom or sister to design for. Let me just say this - I would be sooooo protective of my mother in the hands of my competitor. I was really feeling for all of them. And how was the mom supposed to help another designer when what they really want is to see their children/sibling win. When it was Vincent's turn to pick a mom or a sister, he picked "you-lee's" mom...ha ha ha, he said you-lee. That was great. He ends up winning with his atrocious outfit.
The first of about a thousand adds show up on the bottom left hand corner of my screen and it's for a delightful romantic comedy called "Million Dollar Listing" and to my surprise, Heidi is in this show too...there she goes prancing at about two inches tall, across my screen in her white suit mini-skirt. Ladies and Gentlemen, PLEASE do not forget who this show was created for!!!!
At 10:06pm my favorite PR cast member shows up on screen: Jackpot #1!!! It's Michael Kors, in daylight! He's tanner than me this week (but does he have a heart shaped un-tanned spot in a suggestive place? Probably.)
He's there at Tavern on the Green with his mom, I already feel closer to him. Robert Best makes a comment not worth remembering, but the way he says it makes me question if he's actually a woman! He is THAT gay. Almost like a parody. Everyone has lunch, they look at fat and ugly picture from the past and then we say goodbye. Michael Kors is wearing Top Gun glasses - so hot!!! I'm getting really confused at this point about my attraction to Michael Kors and his Top Gun sunglasses and ultimate tan. I love you! Is that going too fast?
Angela's mom got Jeffrey as her designer. He was so frustrated at working with her because she was larger, she totally picked up on it and said: "I feel bad. I feel like I want to cry. I feel like maybe I'm limiting you." Cut to Jeffrey's mom yapping about how proud she is of her son for cleaning his act up and going to rehab, blah blah blah. Cut back to Jeffrey calling Angela's mom "that crazy bitch" and telling to her face: "I don't appreciate you even standing here" and also telling to her face: "You're insecure - what do you think about that?" Let me remind you what he said to Laura one week: "I hope she has a stroke." These aren't like minor stabs at others, this is calling someone's mom (who, by the way was sweet as a chocolate covered coconut macaroon) a crazy bitch and wishing your competitor died of a stroke. Way to go Jeffrey's mom - still proud?
I guess he's come a long way, and I get that he cleaned up his act as far as living like a marginal non-participating member of society, but he's not that far up from that. I'm suggesting some counseling, it could really help him.
This is really an akward situation, especially since Jeffrey's mom is right there, and she goes and tries to talk to Angela's mom. I feel uncomfortable and I'm at least 3 months (and 30 min - DVR) removed from this actually happening. Yikes! Kudos to PR for coming up with a new twist on things.
Caricature Butler comes in and declares, completely shockingly, that they have 1.5 hours to get their models to the Treseme hair salon, Loreal make-up (oh, make-up, how I miss you) room, and don't forget to use the Macy's accessories wall and hydrate with aquafina water, and walk in Aldo shoes, and do their confessional into the Toshiba camera and make sure to speak loudly into the Groove Tubes GT55 microphone, and sit in the chairs provided by Staples, and enjoy some almonds from Blue Diamond, and...
I feel the need to wash my hair all of a sudden. But I don't have any treseme. Hmmm, is Duane Reade open 24 hours a day?
Jackpot #2 was at the jugding when Heidi and Heidi had a convo in German!! HG's dream come true, right??? Did you wet your pants? I almost did, in your honor.
Here are some of the comments:
Comme de Garçon went to the Amish Country...ha ha ha! I love you Michael Kors.
(In a very obvious voice over (YOU SUCK HEIDI (Klum, not Uli's mom))) Your outfit was a failure, your client didn't like it and neither did we.
Snore..boring, boring, boring, over and over
You've bored us more than once, and this time is no exception (harsh!)
Robert Best (ha ha, not so much) is Auf'd
Next week: They're designing for jetsetters. Who are also hermaphrodites.
Damn it - go home Jeffrey.
One last photo for you lucky, lucky people!!
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