Friday, August 25, 2006

LAMEguna Beach

I’m really disappointed that it’s come to this, but I think I have to throw in the Laguna Beach towel. Seriously, we have already had two complete episodes and they were both identical. Someone had a party. In the first segment, different people talk about going to the party. In the second segment, the party. In the third segment, different people talk about having gone to the party. This show may have seen its hey-day and is now shamefully wearing out its welcome (à la Friends). The two main villainesses are so obviously aware of their television roles and are playing up the bitch angle to a completely non-believable degree. They aren’t like Kristin, who was spunky but also cunning and ruthless. They simply have no point in existing. For further recaps after this one, please see TVgasm, whose brilliant writer, B-Side, continues to squeeze out substantial (and hilarious) episode summaries like he’s squeezing moisture from a rock.

Tonight’s episode is entitled “Who Wants to Date a Rock Star?” Whatever. Here goes:

Tessa and Raquel (Rocky) are sitting around discussing that it’s Tessa’s birthday tomorrow. Tessa likes Chase (played by Seth Green ha ha ha), but who wants to date a rock star? Ah, the title! Any reason to watch further? It turns out, no, but I’ll tell you what happens anyway. After the opening credits, Rocky is on the phone with Chase the Rock Star discussing Tessa’s upcoming surprise party that will “rage” according to Chase. Rocky tricks Tessa into thinking that just a couple of people, not including Chase, are coming over to Rocky’s house to celebrate.

Elsewhere, Kyndra is getting ready for what she explains is not a date. Her mom looks on. I’ll quote here what darling B-Side said about Kyndra’s name. He correctly notes that it is “pronounced Kendra, but spelled like IDIOT.” See what I mean?

On another mommy-daughter date over fruit, Jessica’s aged twin, aka her mom, berates her for not being more like Kristin. #1 – Jessica, what are you still doing here? #2 – Jessica’s mom, don’t you know that Kristin is a skanky ho? Please do not encourage this behavior.

Now to Kyndra on her non-date with Gay Cameron (also the object of Jessica’s affection, but obviously in love with Rock Star Chase. Who wants to date a rock star? Cameron!). They discuss almost nothing, but mention how much fun Kyndra’s barbecue was. This was the party that was the center of episode 1.

Next comes a scene I swear I already saw, perhaps on MTV’s Laguna Beach season sneak preview? Rock Star Chase and Tessa discuss Chase’s band, or as I call it, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING over coffee. Good thing MTV rolled this scene out on two different broadcasts for our immense pleasure.

Back from commercial, we head over to Rocky’s kitchen where Rocky, Chase, and a bunch of moms (what is this, the Mother’s Day episode?) sit around talking about – what else – Tessa’s surprise party! It will be raging, according to Chase.

Down the street, Kyndra and Cami lie out in the shade and talk about – you guessed it – Tessa’s surprise party. It is so lame, they can’t even believe they are lowering themselves to attend. Kyndra is only going to see Cameron, and Cami is only going to trail Kyndra. Cha!

Now for the long awaited party. Kyndra talks crap about EVERYTHING except to tell Cameron that he looks cute. Surprise! Tessa comes in to her huge surprise and Chase’s band begins to rage. Cameron drools when Chase takes his shirt off. Kyndra has had enough of this lameness and takes off!

Back from commercial, it’s the next day and Rocky and Tessa are making cookies for Chase’s band and talking about… the party. Tessa was like, so surprised.

Over to some billiards establishment, where Chase and his band mates play pool and talk about... the party. It raged.

Kyndra and Cami sit at the car wash and talk crap about... the party. It was super-stupid. The funnest part was leaving. And Rocky is so trashy and tacky.

FINALLY, Tessa and Chase have dinner together and talk about... the party. Chase says it raged. Chase gets a phone call and has to leave abruptly for a “band emergency.” Mercifully this is the end.

Previews for next week show Kyndra and Cami... going to a party.

This is Honey Gangsta for Laguna Beach, SIGNING OFF!

P.S. For good high school reality drama, please see my recap of the fabulous new MTV show, “Two-A-Days.”


NoiXdeCoco said...

Are you kidding me? Someone is encouraging their daughter to be more like Kristin??????? Have you heard her comments about cocaine? Here's her quote:

"It was fun for, like, 20 minutes, but the next day, I just didn't feel good about myself. It's a dirty drug. I find people who do coke to be very shady, that they're doing it makes them lie about things. I wouldn't want to date someone who's into it."

And here's a photo of her that was in a magazine:

STILL you want to encourage your daughter to be more like Kristin? Perhaps she means by making a living (any which way!) so that her mom (aged twin) can stop working herself.

Remember the original L.B. was also one party after another: The balck & white party where they invited themselves, and then the Jacuzzi party where they invited themselves...this carried onto the Hills where they would go party elsewhere but would only talk to themselves. A riveting way to pass the time of your life. What's the diff, you'll live forever anyway. Who cares if you miss out on meeting new people and traveling the country (or the world), or developing a hobby - YOU'RE ON TV! The holy grail of existance!!!

I'm totally out on LB too, and I haven't even seen a single episode. I am clearing them off my DVR to make room for a truly funny comedy - Lovespring International. Now that's funny!

NoiXdeCoco said...

BTW, I LOUVRE the photo you made for this - you are truly the master blogger.