Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Writers High Again on Project Runway

I've been faithfully watching this season of Project Runway and have been so accustomed to blogging about the other ridiculous "reality" shows, the ones that are absolute crap because they are much easier to blog about that I was worried I wouldn't have anything to say about P.R. I was wrong. All I needed was a pen and pad (in a lab - ha ha, Dr. Dre reference) and the genious of the show just oozed on to pages of notes.

Bradley was out last week. That guy was creepy!! He was usually incoherent, and his work was a disaster pulled together at the last minute. He's Vincent part one, a younger more agile nut case. Robert Best was saying something about how they're going to miss the nut job as he strolled across the screen in a manpri! Yes, I love those...I just wish more straight men would wear them, they are so hot!

On to the runway, Heidi pops out in a crazy, oversized oceanscape draped on her and she let go a model who's name was Katie and ironically looked like the late great Katie Holmes. Heidi is such a bitch! She just loves to deliver bad news and tell people to F%^& off because they were not blessed to be born Heidi Klum. And to make sure we know Heidi is the shit, her face pops up about every three minutes at the bottom of the screen walking in her white mini skirt suit and then taking a stance with her legs far apart.

The show starts with what is now apparent to me, a 'let's go New York' edition...ha ha ha. I know I'm ripping you off, but after you pointed it out for the Hills, I now notice how much time they fill up with a shot of the earth, then America, then New York, then Manhattan, and then down someone's toilet...sheesh.

In walked the caricature butler with his little announcement at 5am! Blashphemy. They have a field trip! At 5am? Is it to the Cereal factory? Or to Aunt Jemima's? No...to the trash receptacles or NJ, same diff. And then the butler leaves very specific instructions that Kayne and Jeffrey should not wear open toed shoes. Uhhh, are we having an open toed shoes problem boys? Are they chronic sandal wearers? Isn't this a ladies issue?

Alison is so cute and her hair is always puffed up in the back, is it natural? And Laura is always in a horse riding outfit, ever notice? ORRRRr in an extreme v-neck that does nothing for her non-existant cleve.

Hmmm...collecting trash sounds intense! Why oh why are we doing this? This is worse than making an ice skater outfit. Alison even said she's inspired to work with something other than fabric...what??? But then the caricature butler informed us (as he was omniscient in our confusion) that this challenge is about innovation and creativity. Let me tell you what this is all about...a bunch of pot heads who write this show and come up with: let's have them make outfits out of leaves, or their apartment, or the clothes off their back, or TRASH!!! What's next? They'll have to skin live animals and make outfits for them that look like their original fur. Ha ha ha. So anyways, I'm sitting there watching this, annoyed and confused by the purpose of a trash challenge, when someone picked up a shiny metallic blue box, and all of a sudden I got excited!

One of my favorite part of this episode was when the caricature butler announced over the store intercom that their time was up...that made me laugh hysterically. Like one of his dreams has now been fulfilled or something...I don't know why, but that's funny.

Ever notice when crazy Vincent is on the screen they play this funny bass beat music like he's a lunatic. This is followed by a montage of cool colors and shiny objects...I love this show. A confessional from Kayne - holy CRAP, he's from Oklahoma, Norman no less! How do you get that gay from Norman, OK. Poor guy, must have had a serious hard time.

Next, Jeffrey declares that he is going to win this challenge. Thanks Project Runway for letting us know that Jeffrey will NOT be winning this challenge again. Vincent is back on the screen and the music is indicative of a lunatic roaming around on camera.

Uli barely gets any screen time. It's cause she's brilliant (and lacks unsightly tattoos). I love her disposition, she's very serene and young at heart. She must be a Buddhist. Caricature Butler on screen again, you know he's kinda sexy from the neck down in his button-down crisp shirt and jacket with jeans - carry on!

The next morning, did you notice that when Laura woke up she was wearing a button-down blouse and slacks? Is she not able to find a "stable" themed pair of PJs? Then at the fitting, no one's outfit fit the models, this is because IT'S MADE OF TRASH! Hello.

Now comes the runway, my favorite part, where my favorite friend Michael Kors always edges me out for who is tanner. Just love him and his comments. And here are just some of them:

Kudos (wow, what a stretch for a compliment!)

You've stepped over the boundary of taste (oh, my absolute fave. just gets me right here, you know!?) Followed by: "Serious lapse of taste" when Kayne (West) was backstage.

She's like a paper brioche (ha ha ha)

(It's all crap to me...so whatev)

We've heard what you have to say, we're going to have a little chat (in a chat room?).......The Knight Rider wins again. And Alison's out...no no no no. :(

Next week: desinging for yo' momma.


Honey Gangsta said...

Great recap! Awesome. I've never noticed how Heidi is always standing spread eagle until you pointed it out to me. Now I always notice how she looks like she's guest starring in a Pussycat Dolls video. Please loosen up Heidi's buttons.

Ha ha ha! I love your description of the scenery montage starting from outer space and ending down someone's toilet. Too funny! What - 24 hours of footage a day isn't enough to fill a 45 minute episode? We have to resort to scenery? In case we forgot, they're living at the Atlas. And that's in New York. In the USA. On planet earth. Thanks.

Next, Laura. Yes, she drives me crazy. Her outfit choices and her constant reminders that she has 5 kids. Yes, we got that on the casting special. I haven't forgotten, but she reminds us several times an episode. It's like Vincent cashing in his 401K. I get it!!! Apparently, though, her designs are always "flawlessly executed."

Outfits out of trash was definitely an odd challenge, but instead of kicking of Vincent (or as I like to call him, Vince Clortho, Key Master of Gozer), they give poor little Allison the boot. It makes no sense since Vince Clortho messes up weekly, and all poor Allison did was make a hair bow on the fat model. But Vince Clortho is much better television and that's why he's in and Allison's out!

I LOVE Uli! She is amazing. She's always tacking wacky prints and making them into something absolutely wonderful. She's my favorite for ingenuity. I also LOVE the Knight Rider. I think he is a class act. I have greatly enjoyed all of his designs, although I definitely think Uli should have won the trash challenge. Her silver braids were way better than Michael's plastic shawl.

NoiXdeCoco said...

Ya, I guess that's the new maloof stance - to spread eagle. It's quite disturbing if you ask me...especially on the commercials. I cringe!

I would pick Uli as the front runner aslo with the Hoff as second. I feel like the rest of them just wing it. Perhaps Laura does a good job now and again, but Angela? Vincent? Kayne (West)? They are too hit-and-miss for me to support them.

Bijou Clochard said...

What is a manpri?

Bijou Clochard said...

Also, I am not really a fan of Michael Kors... I am more of a Nina Garcia kinda guy.