Monday, January 15, 2007

I Dagger New York

This is the Princess Sitting 'Elegantly'

I know I announced that I will be blogging about the VH1 show 'I Love New York,' but as HoneyGangsta so correctly foresaw, it's impossible to do so. This show is a freaking JOKE! I can't even begin to 'recap' the absolute nonsense that is this show.

Tiffany, aka New York is ridiculous. She is the kind of person that when you meet her you compliment her. I've met these kinds of girls before, they're so obnoxiously self-important and self-assured that you can't help but give them compliments. In reality it's because you feel tragically sad for them, but they in turn take it in, and it feeds their ego-centric persona. A certain someone comes to mind, a past co-worker whose name started with an E and ended with Boney (and a terrible boob job).

If you can imagine what you would have to do to deliberately be crude, un-ladylike, class-less, taste-less, offensive, unlikeable, gross, annoying, brash, and without poise, then times that by about 100 - you get 'New York.' And not coincidentally, she reminds me of most of the retail workers in New York. Which is probably why I've developed the lovely tendency to get migraines. She also keeps saying that the mansion loaned to her by VH1 is "her house," as in: "How dare you say that in my house?" or "Get out of my house!" and such...

The 'men' on this show are equally horrid. One of them - nicknamed Chance - is really ghetto, in that true sense, where he's dangerous, and wears baggy clothes <-- New York actually said that. She was admiring guys who told her that she gave them an erection. And who spent time in prison. Then the one guy who has a career and an education nearly made her slip into a coma! Her mom is a piece of work also. Most notably, the hairline of her wig starts at exactly the top of her head. Combine this with feverish expressions of distaste, and the result is scarier than being in a room full of New York's perfect matches.

Uncanny the Resemblance of NY's Mother to a Bald Male


I may tune into one more episode, I don't know why. But if I have to be medicated to watch this piece of crap, it's probably (probably?) not worth it.

Instead, I will be re-capping A Dancelife, because I cannot think of ANYONE who takes their self more seriously than The Donald then J.Lo!!!

Before I put this show to rest and never to speak of it again, here are some excerpts taken from an interview with New York:

So are you from Rochester or Syracuse?

You know what baby? Actually I’m from upstate New York, New Hartford New York. So that’s even farther up there. It’s past Buffalo, it’s cold, it’s just a weary little city.
And now you’re putting Upstate New York on the map.
You know what baby? Yes. I’m definitely putting Upstate New York on the map and I’m happy to do it.
You’ve been described as the “Grand Diva of Arbitrary Emotions.”
What? Are you serious? NoiXdeCoco: I think by 'What? Are you serious?" she means are you serious, you think I know what that means?

What do you in your pastime?

In my spare time, I’m basically giving a lot of attention to my nails and my skin. I’m a real huge skin person. I’m constantly washing my face making sure it’s clear and clean and making sure my nails are clean. I’m just a big skin and nails person.


Honey Gangsta said...

Oh dear. Another show goes the way of "Laguna Beach" with a grand toilet flush. I unfortunately saw a little of this and you're absolutely right. What is there to say? It's completely offensive. It's not even pretending to be legitimate. She is disgusting and they've managed to find a gaggle of camera-hungry criminals who are willing to drool over her for their chance at a show of their own (another spin-off?)
I also saw a Dancelife, starring Ms. J-Lo, and I am very excited for the recap. This would be that David Cross comedy routine brought to life. I'm SO curious as to where these dancers are trying to "get to." Even the ones who work steadily are still at auditions every other day hoping for a big break. Where is this leading??? Back-up dancers just don't get famous. I'm sorry but Paula Abdoul and Jennifer Lopez are the proverbial drops of water in an ocean of hopefuls. Good luck, suckers! Can't wait to make fun of you! :)

NoiXdeCoco said...

Oh my gosh...I was totally going to use that quote from David Cross in my recap of Dance foreshadower, you.