Monday, February 19, 2007

Difficult Catches on Two-A-Days


This week on Two-A-Days we begin by joining Brandon at the barber shop. Brandon tells his barber about the elephant in the room, which is the Vestavia students waving their Confederate flags. Apparently the n-word was also tossed around at last week’s game. That’s lovely. Very classy, children.

Next we join some of the other kids who are gathering out in a field somewhere to celebrate having no school the next day. This is what we call “outdoor fun” and it occurs in places where nightclubs aren’t being paid off to serve alcohol to minors just because they are on television. When Brittany arrives, Charlie tells her that Mark has been on the boat for about three hours. I’m picturing Mark racing around on a lake waterskiing or wakeboarding, when we pan over to two boys perched on a tiny little plastic dinghy sitting in a marsh. They’re fishing. For what, I’m not sure.

"Quick! I think I caught a leech!"

The girls, meanwhile, are attempting to erect a tent in the field, which proves problematic to Mark, who believes that if Brittany sleeps in said tent, she will allow boys to enter as well. As the party really gets underway, meaning the marshmallows are coming out to be roasted, Mark hops into his truck to leave – the boys have practice in the morning – and he wants to have a word with Brittany. He tells her that she is lying about not letting boys in the tent, and wonders how she would feel if the tables were turned. This escalates into a pout-fest and Mark breaks the tailgate of his truck while emphatically slamming it shut. Brittany hates being called a liar, and Mark hates that Brittany is staying for the camp-out. He takes off and she returns to the campfire to fret. Sad music plays while Brittany stares into the flames.

"But you don't know how he looks at me."

The next morning brings pouring rain, but that doesn’t stop Coach Propst and the Buccaneers from having as rigorous a practice as ever. While the boys slide around in the mud, the girls sit on someone’s bed painting their fingernails and discussing the boys. Kristen asks Brittany if she and Mark are better “after y’all’s fight last night.” Brittany says they’re going to go out to eat and talk about it. I miss Keagan – this season’s dramas are so boring. Can’t Mark have a clandestine study session? Then there’d really be something to discuss at dinner.

So Mark and Brittany go to a restaurant to hash out the previous evening’s situation. Brittany explains that had the situation been reversed, she wouldn’t have been as mad as Mark was, and also, she didn’t even know for sure if she was going to sleep out in the tent, but Mark had stormed away before she had a chance to make up her mind. Mark says he’s sorry and it’s over. Boooooorrrrring.

"Have you finished your guest list
for the weddin', hun?"

Back at school, Ross is having a sit-down in Coach Propst’s office. It seems Ross isn’t looking as sharp as he should be and it may be because he doesn’t have a “go-to guy.” Hmm, I’m sensing that Brandon may be that missing guy. What about #11, who is constantly running the ball in for touchdowns? Anyway, Coach Propst loves Ross and wants to help him out. I so wish he would threaten to pull Ross’ scholarship recommendations – that would at least be something to watch. But no such luck.

At another practice, Coach Propst has decided that it’s time to badger the receivers into being Ross’ “go-to guy.” Specifically, he screams at Brandon to do less studying and watch more football. Excellent advice. I remember when my parents told me that in high school. That’s exactly how I passed the high school graduation exam (the what?). Speaking of which, Mark and DeJohn are gathered around with a couple of other players discussing the fact that Mark has passed that exam, and DeJohn thinks that you would have to be “literally classified as retarded” not to pass it. That’s what I would think – especially considering the public school system in this day and age. Nonetheless, Mark has no idea that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. And remember – he passed. Coach Propst continues to bark at Brandon, and I’m wondering if this will all be followed up with some hugs and kisses, and an invitation to dinner at the Propst residence.

After practice, Brandon and Byron (his brother) discuss the football situation. Byron has switched to cornrows this week, which probably make his helmet easier to don. They discuss the disconnect between Brandon and Ross, and whether it will be fixed over time, or if the boys need to talk. I’m sensing that Brandon may be being set up as a scapegoat for future football misfortunes.

Outside, Charlie is walking Kristen to her car and wondering about report cards. Kristen’s mom already received Kristen’s in the mail, so Charlie is nervous that his parents may have already seen his. He jumps in his truck and arrives home to joyously find today’s mail still safely in the mailbox, so he stealthily snatches his report card out of the stack. Safely in his room, Charlie is able to determine that he is nearly failing English and two other subjects. The solution to this, of course, is simple. He hides the report card under his dresser where the grade fairy will come to find it and turn it into something more pleasing.

"Next time I see this, it'll be a 4.0!"

And now at last it’s time for the Big Game. Tonight the Bucs are playing Homewood, but I haven’t heard much mentioned about them. This season’s games aren’t being played up with as much importance as last season’s. Remember when every single week meant life or death on the football field? I miss those Two-A-Days. Highlights…

  • Brandon catches a pass thrown by Ross. Very good – they got themselves into sync, at least for one play.
  • Ross is sacked, and drops the ball in the process. The Hoover offense leaves the field in shame after Homewood recovers the ball.

I know, Ross. I know.

  • Homewood makes a touchdown. I’m so embarrassed.
  • Ross throws an incomplete pass, and Coach Propst screams at Charlie to “come out of his break.” I’m guessing this means he wasn’t being the “go-to guy.”
  • Wide Receiver Coach Shawn Sutton screams rabidly at Charlie to start making the difficult catches. Too bad Charlie can’t hide himself under his dresser right about now.
  • Apparently the shame tactics worked because next Charlie makes a difficult catch and makes a touchdown to boot. We’re all tied up at 7 to 7.
  • Now the Homewood Patriots make a touchdown, but the score says that Hoover is 24 and Homewood is 14. Okay, I’ll go along.
  • Ross runs out of bounds instead of throwing the ball, and Coach Propst screams at Brandon. What did I predict earlier?
  • Charlie makes another difficult catch.
  • And another.
  • The Bucs make another touchdown and the game ends with a score of 44 to 21, with Hoover victorious. We missed so much! Oh well, we won.

The cheerleaders do a little shimmy and Charlie is presented with a major award for being the MVP of tonight’s game. An Air Force officer gives him a medal, a t-shirt, and a trophy. This should make up for his not being able to pass English. His parents seem to think so for the moment, at least, as they rush the field to hug him.

"I catched the ball good."

complains to his dad that he is becoming frustrated since he and Ross can’t seem to click. Mark and Brittany kiss – how special.

Next week it’s Charlie and Kristen’s turn to fight. I bet it will be every bit as exciting as the tiff we saw this week! At least we know Kristen's hair has a storyline of its own...

1 comment:

NoiXdeCoco said...

Wow, so after the first season, I guess Vestavia didn't get enough flack for their flags on National television to alter their ways. I was just going to say - some parts of this country are so backwards...but then I read your next paragraph - and the truth is, a city, like the Hills of Hollywood, where they serve alcohol to minors just cause their on TV is just as backwards.

Ha ha ha, I love the caption under Brittany's picture...

Speaking of grades, this is the reason why transferring an entire family to an area so that the boy can play football, and then consequently get into college because of participation in football is such a bad bad idea. Haven't these people hear of scholarships based on GRADES? How is having shitty grades and a great football record an "in" to colleges???

So if each week's games aren't the biggest of their lives, and the cheerleaders are merely painting their nails instead of misspelled banners, what is the focus of this season?

"Homewood makes a touchdown. I’m so embarrassed." - ha ha

"Wide Receiver Coach Shawn Sutton screams rabidly at Charlie to start making the difficult catches. Too bad Charlie can’t hide himself under his dresser right about now." - Next time I see him, he'll be making difficult catches!!

Hilarious re-cap! Thanks HG.