Friday, October 29, 2010

Football Wives: Meet the Sassy Ladies!

Dynasty is back!

Welcome to VH1’s latest attempt at interesting television - Football Wives. This show will give us a special peek into the lives of a few of the wives and girlfriends of players from the Dallas Cowboys. Now, I don’t follow football and I’ve never been to Dallas, HOWEVER, I’m always fascinated when E! presents me with a True Hollywood Story about the wives of professional athletes, and I was entranced with Any Given Sunday, which also explored these types of relationships. My gut reaction and pre-conceived notion can be summed up in one word: scary. These guys are enormous, aggressive and glorified. It seems like as the woman in the life of a professional athlete you could go from being showered with gifts to being in the emergency room with a bloody face within a few months... or a few minutes. This is what the media has taught me. Perhaps VH1 will teach me something else. Let’s find out!

First up we meet Chanita, who waves her hand around telling us she’s married to the “very sexy, gorgeous, fabulous, educated George Foster,” who is an eight year football veteran.


That means nothing to me, but Chanita is here with her kids to take over Dallas, m’kay? She tells us about first meeting her husband and how, at the time, she was SO over the athlete boys and she knew the minute she saw him that he was a football player because he was 6’6”, 320 pounds and black. I guess she relented because they now have six children, three dogs, a fish and a cat and they are moving their entire brood into a new house here in Dallas.

"Thanks for all your help, professional athlete dad!"

Chanita doesn’t have any connections in her new town, but she’s going to go and visit Amanda Davis because George and Amanda’s husband go way back. Let’s meet Amanda! Amanda is a tough-looking blonde broad who tells us how pretty her husband was when she first met him.

Pretty rich, that is.

Then we get a look at their living quarters and these people are LOADED. Amanda tells us that they are definitely privileged and with her husband (Leonard Davis) being a public figure, she has an image to uphold for him.


Apparently this includes encrusting every last household knick-knack in rhinestones and hanging a billboard-sized portrait of herself down the length of a hallway. Amanda has her own jewelry line and she and Leonard together own the restaurant chain SmashBurger.

Amanda drives this around to deliver the restaurant supplies.

I’ll make sure not to eat there because I think the Davis’s have plenty of cash without my help. And now that I’ve typed that all I can think about is a cheeseburger. I think there’s a SmashBurger near my Kohl’s...

Chanita takes the guided tour of the Davis mansion and she is completely gobsmacked. She’s never seen so much bling in her life. The girls discuss the state of the Cowboys and Chanita reveals that two seasons ago George was on a team that had an 0 and 16 losing streak and that’s really hard to shake. They’ve come to Dallas for George’s comeback, and if it doesn’t work out, he’s going to move along to the UFL, or United Football League, which I’ve never heard of. Apparently this is the minor leagues and the teams are in smaller cities like Omaha. They are also paid considerably less than NFL players. I would imagine there’s also a stigma with going from the NFL to the UFL, like you couldn’t make it in the big times. Chanita tells us that the football world is made up of the haves and have-nots and Amanda is definitely a have. She goes, “I’m not hatin’ I’m congratulatin,’” because it seems that Leonard has had consistent success, unlike her own husband, George.

And now Amanda is off to visit her two best football-wife-friends. Together they eat, sleep and breathe football. Amanda tells us that there is always an expectation for Dallas to do well since they are “America’s team,” (news to me) but this year they’re hosting the Superbowl so the pressure is even higher. Let’s meet Amanda’s best friends! First we have Brittany Pigrenet, the girlfriend (girlfriends qualify for Football Wives?) of David Buehler, who is the kicker for Dallas. They’ve been together about a year.

"I'm pledging this cool sorority called 'wives.'"

Brittany seems to be at the opposite end of the money spectrum from Amanda because she works two jobs, one as a Hooter’s waitress and one as a bartender at a place called Fox and Hound. She says she met David at Hooters and we get a shot of them playing beer pong. This is the couple I would NOT want to be. The frat boy with the trophy girlfriend who waitresses to make ends meet. And speaking of money, Amanda shares that Leonard just got a huge signing bonus for being so giant and we meet Erin, who tells us that kickers don’t get big signing bonuses.

Hello, Erin McBriar, wife of Mat McBriar, punter for the Dallas Cowboys! Erin tells us that Mat is from Australia and she is from Minnesota. They must have been attracted to each other’s accents.

"We're teaching each other English."

They dated for about five years before Mat proposed. Brittany interrupts this love story with a question for Amanda and Erin. Are there certain days when their husbands won’t have sex with them? Amanda asks if she is referring to superstition and then says no. Erin says Mat doesn’t like to do anything on game days. Brittany says David won’t do anything within three days of a game because he doesn’t want to have weak legs. Amanda makes a hilarious face implying she doesn’t buy that at all.

"What else is your boyfriend selling?"

Brittany just giggles like it’s really cute. Three days? And she believes him? There are many reasons to date a Hooter’s waitress and some of them are intellectual.

Later Amanda is driving around in her semi truck and her phone rings. It’s Melani. Everyone, meet Melani Ismail, wife of Rocket Ismail, a retired Dallas Cowboys receiver! Retired? Wives of retired players count too?

More free time for drama, I suppose.

Melani tells us that Rocket WAS considered one of the most electrifying players in the league. Okay then. She also says that she grew up in Los Angeles and “spent some time” in the music industry. I lived in LA for 10 years and “spent some time” could mean something as meaningless as listening to the radio. It’s that LA spin. I’m guessing that Melani’s time in the music industry didn’t pay off because she says when she married Rocket she went from having one dollar to her name to having a debit card worth 7 million dollars. Yeah, I wouldn’t know what that’s like. Anyway back to the present conversation. Melani tells Amanda she’s totes excited to come to bible study and would it be okay if she brings Pilar? Bible study? I would have guessed a completely different activity for these women to participate in together. Like a spa, restaurants or Neiman Marcus. But bible study it is! And now that I know that it’s kind of cute. Amanda’s like, “Sure, bring everybody! Even some of the players are coming!”

And now Melani introduces us to Pilar over a fancy lunch. Ugh, Pilar has a Halle Berry vibe. This attitude that everyone should be grateful that they are privileged enough to be near her beauty.

"Hurry up. You only get to look for a minute."

Pilar is married to Deion Sanders, the first person on this show I’ve heard of. He is also retired, but used to be an all-pro cornerback for the Cowboys. Pilar is very beautiful, but boy does she know it! We get a glimpse of her house and it looks like a freaking museum. She tells us that she and Deion met on-set when they were both acting. She says that of course Deion had to chase her but after a while he caught her. She REALLY wanted to be married and she REALLY wanted to have a lot of kids. Done and done. She and her husband run a football camp for kids and we get a shot of Pilar on the field at said camp. Deion immediately walks her off the field, informing her that wives are not allowed on the field. Aw, lighten up, Deion. She just wanted to give all the males a thrill and remind you how lucky you are to have caught her!

"In fact, didn't I tell you to stay at the spa today?"

The first thing Pilar tells Melani is that she has been busy, busy, busy. Oh get over yourself. You’re only as busy as you agree to be. Anyway, when Melani invites her to bible study she totally rolls her eyes and says there’s no way. She has a movie premiere she “needs” to be at. She tries to get Melani to ditch bible study and come to the movie and they finally decide that they will both go to bible study, but leave early and hit the premiere.

Next stop, bible study! Amanda explains that she hosts bible study every Wednesday and it’s a great way to get all the wives together. And we meet YET ANOTHER wife. There’s no way we’ll remember all of these ladies for a while, but here is Dawn. She’s married to Ryan Neufeld, a seven year tight end veteran.


They have two children, including a five-year-old son with autism. Oh man, that’s hard. I’m actually loving Dawn because she is a working lawyer, good for her! She’s not relying on her husband’s football to spoil her. She only works part time and she tells us that it’s really hard because none of her son’s autism treatments are covered by insurance. She tells us that Ryan was lucky to do what he loved, but he only made league minimum, which wasn’t a lot. How interesting. I guess it’s different than basketball where there are far fewer players who all make tons of money. It sounds like this is Ryan’s final football season and they’re not sure what they’re going to do next.

So everyone is mingling pre-bible study and George (Foster) and Leonard (Davis) discuss the possibility of George moving on to Omaha and the UFL. It’s slightly awkward. The pastor calls this class to order and asks who is ready to get into the bible for the next three hours. THREE HOURS? That would be all I’d need to hear. Melani looks astounded and Pilar laughs like this guy has got to be kidding if he expects to get to stare at her for an entire three hours.

"Dream on, religious boy."

It’s not clear how long the pastor has been going before Pilar asks Melani if she’s ready to get the heck out of here. The funny thing is that these two have sat all the way on the opposite side of the room from any doorways, so they have to make a huge scene of standing up one at a time and walking between the pastor and the rest of the crowd to make their exit. Pilar could care less, but Melani seems a bit torn on whether to leave bible study to go to a movie. But she does.

"Nothing to see here."

Amanda is downright appalled. “Who leaves bible study?” She implores us with disgust. Um, three hour bible study? I would! But Amanda is so put out that she can’t even concentrate anymore and bible study is ruined.

"So much for my Christian love!"

Oh, Chanita is there and she’s pissed too. In fact, she’s more pissed than Amanda, claiming that if this was her house and someone left, they wouldn’t be her friend anymore. Wow, that’s a tad harsh, isn’t it?

Well, biblegate has become SUCH an issue that Amanda arranges a lunch. Not just for herself, Melani and Pilar, but also a few other wives who may want to put their two cents in. Okay, really? They care this much? Doesn’t all of this hostility kind of negate the whole purpose of having bible study? So they left early. I’m sure there will be plenty of other staged get-togethers. In fact, this whole situation reeks of manufactured drama. Amanda starts the conversation by saying she’s not sure what everyone’s schedule is, then Chanita quickly takes over, declaring very loudly that she would not have even come if she had had to leave early. Pilar goes, “Let me go ahead and intercept that so I can address this issue.” LOL. I’m so glad you kept everything football-relevant by using the verb “intercept,” Pilar. She goes on to clarify that she is a very busy woman (again with the busy) and that her schedule could only allow for a pop-in and pop-out. She’s so arrogant. Can’t she just say she’s sorry she had to leave early and she’ll plan better next time? Problem solved. But then there would be no plot point for this entire episode. And Chanita has worked herself into a frenzy.

"Bitch, I'm just as pretty as you!"

Melani feels bad and apologizes for getting up and leaving in front of everyone. Amanda says she accepts the apology and I guess Melani is forgiven. Pilar just declares that she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her life. Yeah right. Dawn, who was invited to this lunch for whatever reason, has had enough and says she needs to go, so Pilar puts on a huge dramatic show of telling her that it’s inappropriate to leave early. Dawn laughs and gets on with her life. Chanita continues to take all of this as a personal affront and wants to punch Pilar in the face. Pilar continues to loudly insist that she doesn’t care.

And that’s it for episode one! Kind of a reach for a conflict I would say, but there you have it. This season on football wives, the gals go on a lot of activities together to see what drama they can stir up. It looks like Pilar and Chanita are in the middle of most of it.

So did you guys see this? Any interest? What’d you think?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

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