Thursday, November 11, 2010

Football Wives: Training Camp Widows

The nonstop intrigue continues on Football Wives!

Guess what. Deion and Pilar Sandars run a fitness program in the privacy of their own home, which is the size of a giant shopping mall. And it’s actually OUT of the home on several of the sprawling acres that make up their property. These two are really into compelling people to exercise and I don’t appreciate it. Can’t they just exercise themselves - in the privacy of their own home? Really does the entire city of Dallas have to pay them to do torturous military drills out in their “yard?”

This is probably actually the Sanders' wait staff.

Pilar has ever so generously invited several of the wives “into her world,” meaning her workout that she leads and the four privileged guests arrive looking less than thrilled. While Pilar leads her herd in lunges, Chanita complains that she doesn’t feel well.

"This doesn't look like an easy win, so..."

See, I’ve learned to just say no when I’m invited to participate in athletic endeavors. It saves me the trouble of showing up and playing sick. Pilar says Chanita is always yammering about being an athlete - which we saw last week as she displayed her athletic prowess in a vigorous round of GOLF. Pilar’s plan is to work the girls out extra hard. I guess this will prove that she’s the prettiest, or her husband is the best ex-football player, or her kids are better, who knows?

Chanita is mad that Pilar couldn’t have found some air-conditioned space for the workout somewhere inside her residential complex. Dawn is mad that she drove an hour to have Pilar lead a bootcamp when there is a bootcamp instructor 15 minutes from her house. Did Pilar lure them here under false pretenses? They’re all in workout clothes. I don’t get why they agreed to come if they’re all just pissed about it. Pilar struts around in her sports bra taunting them about thinking they were athletes.

"People PAY to try to look like this."

She tells us that the girls need to show some appreciation for being invited into her world. It’s your YARD, Pilar. It’s not even your house. And half the city is there. What an exclusive invitation. So after much persuading the girls finally do a couple of drills and Pilar feels vindicated.

Later the girls hit a spa to erase the horrid memories of exercising in Pilar’s field. Pilar doesn’t come and now the girls yap about how they showed up for her but she’s not showing up for them. So I guess it’s a slap in the face that Pilar isn’t joining them for mani-pedis after they moped around her property all morning trying not to work out. Apparently Pilar doesn’t appreciate being invited into THEIR world. The talk turns to whether Chanita’s husband George has received a call inviting him to play for the Cowboys. Chanita says no, but now she’s worried that her husband is endangering himself playing football. Dawn tells a story of a player who almost died and Melani starts bawling. Isn’t her husband retired? Oh wait, she explains that Rocket was playing in a celebrity football game and was injured. Melani explains that no amount of money makes up for her husband being at such risk.

Chanita disagrees.

I don’t know, Amanda Davis seems pretty happy with her mansion, her semi truck and her self-portrait billboard. Perhaps some of these richer amenities would calm Melani down? Chanita’s just talking a big game about injury fear because George still doesn’t have any offers.

Dawn is getting her family ready for Ryan’s departure for training camp in Omaha. She’s worried because her little boy with autism depends on routine. His dad being gone will be upsetting. She complains again about the cost of all of his treatments and has no idea how they’re going to make ends meet. I keep thinking that Dawn is a lawyer so this shouldn’t be this big of a mystery. She’s working part time, but couldn’t she work more if necessary? I mean it’s not like Brittany who is a Hooter’s waitress. Dawn actually has legitimate training and a viable career. Must she rely only on Ryan’s UFL income?

Elsewhere the wives of the current Dallas Cowboys lineup take their kids to the beach in California, where their husbands attend NFL training camp. Specifically Amanda takes her kids and Erin McBriar takes her dogs. There also seems to be some kind of servant.

The nanny wonders if she'll be paid in something besides Smash Burgers.

The two discuss having babies and Erin wants to know how Amanda and Leornard met. Just like on the first episode, Amanda describes thinking Leonard was “so pretty” when she met him. Pretty? He’s a huge black football player. Describing him as pretty makes me think of this:

Just three career girls looking for a moderately priced hotel.

Back in Dallas Ryan is taking Dawn out to a farewell dinner without the kids. Dawn explains to us that during training camp the wives are called “football widows” because they are left alone for so long. She and Ryan reminisce about all the ups and downs of their marriage through his football career and discuss the upcoming financial situation now that he is in his final season. Honestly, Ryan doesn’t seem to have any answers. He just nods and shrugs a lot, how reassuring.
"Starving kids? Uh... I dunno."

Dawn wants to know how they’ll survive without his income- they’ve already been living off of their savings for three years. I hate to be repetitive, but... attorney? Dawn? Ryan just says he has no idea what will happen. This makes it seem like he’s going to make a break for it.

Goody! We’re joining Miss Brittany Hooters and a girlfriend for shots!

"To boyfriends who leave town!"

Guess who didn’t get invited to California for NFL camp? That’s right, Brittany. Brittany says she can’t imagine being married with kids and having David just leave her alone. I guess she’s not counting on getting to go to California like Amanda and Erin. Even Erin’s dogs got invited. Brittany says she’s David’s biggest cheerleader (“pigtails and all!”) but that she’s going to make the best of things while he’s away. To illustrate that point she grinds up on her friend like they’re at a frat party.

Earning their drinks.

Dawn has decided to blow the very last of her savings on a barbecue for the departing players and their wives. Pilar is also invited for some reason. Pilar watches a couple of the girls eating cake and shakes her head at them, like she can’t understand how they can do that to their bodies. Someone jokingly calls Melani “Granny,” which prompts Pilar to announce that she’s 28. BWAHAHAHAHA! I think Chanita says it best when she goes, “If she’s 28 years old I am throwing myself a sweet sixteen party. Booya!” Pilar, however, persists. She says not to let her husband’s age fool the girls because he cradle robbed, but she didn’t mind it. Pilar needs a reality check.

"I was 12 when I had my first child."

Dawn gives a little speech about how special it is for George and Ryan to be going off to camp together and Chanita starts to bawl that she wants to go home.

"And when you get home, sweetie, we'll be in foreclosure!"

Dawn is all sweet, telling Chanita she’s strong and can get through this. I’m sure she can stir up a bunch of drama to keep herself occupied.

The next day it’s time to say goodbye for reals. This really would suck. Dawn is all teary and Ryan seems almost awkward. He just mumbles and gets into his car. Perhaps this is all he can muster as a tough football player?

"Yeah, see ya."

It’s also time for the Fosters to bid farewell, so Chanita and George head over to what looks like a preschool to say goodbye to some little toddlers wearing UNIFORMS. How many Africans are starving so your babies can go to schmancy private preschool, there, Chanita?

"Are these your solid gold crayons, honey?"

I believe I went to preschool in a neighbor’s basement. Back in the days of the DIY moms. Chanita tells us this will be the first time that she and George haven’t lived under the same roof. So maybe she got to go to NFL camp back in the day?

Next week the ladies try to drive each other nuts so that they won’t miss their husbands. And Chanita might be preggers.

So what did you guys think? Is Pilar 28?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta


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