Monday, February 06, 2006

The Smartest Girls I Know

I can't stop watching this show because I can't stop trying to get my mind around it. I SO want to understand this. I'm not sure why, but it's like a train wreck - I can't take my eyes off it. On every episode, I keep trying to picture myself in their shoes and think what I would do, say, think, etc. It still eludes me. So they’ve begun replaying the episodes starting from the beginning. I saw the first one, but didn’t record it. The line I must note was Kendra confessing to the camera when she was apparently asked to describe her boyfriend. Here she goes: “My boyfriend is,” clutches her hands on her chest, “oh… so charming.” Like she’s twitterpated. Like it’s puppy love and she just can’t get over how cute it all is.

Then I saw the episode where it’s Kendra’s birthday and she has invited her family to the mansion for her party because “That’s all I need. My family, that’s it. I don’t need a huge party, I just need the people I love.” Uh huh. THAT’S why you’re a whore at the mansion. So here I go, picturing myself inviting Margie and Randy to the Playboy mansion for my birthday. The tears, the begging, the pleading from my parents to reconsider my wayward life would ensue. In a million years my parents would NEVER visit the Playboy mansion. Never. They might mail me pictures of the temple and copies of conference talks that warn against pornography, but they would never visit. So Kendra’s family shows up. This is her grandma, her mom, and her high school aged brother. Great idea. Bring a pubescent boy to the Playboy mansion so he can be traumatized for life. He mostly sat at a picnic table with his head down.

Holly and Bridget did the decorations. It was a luau. Whee! A luau at the mansion. The pool was lined with fake boobed women and Kendra lived it up. She was so grateful to Holly and Bridget for planning the party. “These girls are just so smart. They are the smartest girls I know.” Cut directly to Holly staring at her poof dog saying, “I love Duchess,” for the sixth time in 30 seconds. Next you see Holly passed out on the lawn and her dog is watching Kendra trying to wake her up to come play volleyball. It doesn’t work. These are the smartest girls I know.

Kendra’s mom and grandma say that Mr. Hefner is always so gracious to them. I’m sorry, what? He has your daughter in white slavery as a prostitute. This is something to be proud of and grateful for? He’s made your daughter a whore! Okay maybe she made herself a whore, but he’s making sure she stays one – and does it on TV. How gracious of him. Thank you, Mr. Hefner, for insuring that my 20-year-old daughter can stay a whore as long as she wants. And also for giving the world a chance to see her cooch.

Did you know that Holly is 25? The white hair threw me. I thought she was AT LEAST our age.

Kendra's quote of the episode: (speaking to the servants)
I have to make a comment about the servants here (mostly male). It's hilarious to watch them because they are unsure of how to act and react with the whores - I mean girls. It's like, they're fascinated and dumbfounded because they know that these girls will gladly show off their cooches. It's like they're a thin layer of fabric away from the holy grail at all times. BUT, they also seem to realize how incredibly stupid the girls are, so they don't really know what to say to them. They kind of laugh nervously and try to get away or off the phone as quickly as possible. They have to wait on them, but at the same time they want to nail them, but also, they don't really want to have to hear them talk. It's quite the quandry.

Back to Kendra's quote: (to a Spanish speaking servant) "I made a poem! sí señor, mi amor. Ha ha HA!" Her obnoxious laugh. The servant ran away.


NoiXdeCoco said...

Twitterpated - great word!

I totally agree with your thoughts, it is a kind of situation where you can't believe that this sort of thing exists, so you can't stop watching. However, I strongly believe that they probably think we can't stop watching because we are envious.

This post made me laugh so hard, my neighbor told me people will think I'm crazy!

I totally agree about the servants (the males, not the girls) they act so strange, like super uncomfortable. I bet Hef asks the girls everyday if they are treated right by them, and if one says, I didn't like how he looked at my breasts when I was walking around topless, they're out! So maybe they feel their job is threatened everyday...who knows. But yes, definitely strange behavior.

Everytime they gave Hef screen time, I had to look away because his old, decrepid face and crippled body was grossing me out! He was like Mick Mars shuffling on stage, creepy!!

I posted once on the most bizarre and twisted thing that Holy said - something about she's so perfect it's like they made her by cloning Hef's perfect girl, except they f'd up because they made her IQ too high.

Don't even get me started on people who declare each other smart. You KNOW how I feel about that. It's the sure fire, fastest way to declare YOU ARE A MORON when you declare yourself smart. And they're dead serious too.

I have to say though, I'd rather be one of these morons than Britny Gastineu any day.

silversonic said...

actually, I love this show. where else could you find 3 girls all taking one man for his money/fame/bitchin' house with free rent? Most guys can get caught up with ONE girl using them... this pro has 3 or more at all times! So, they put out for him... other girls their age are putting out for the local junior college and spreading the clap. Is it a stretch to call staying with one man 'responsible' even if it is in exchange for housing?

NoiXdeCoco said...

I'm not sure you can count flying on Southwest Airllines (cheap) in coach class to Las Vegas because that's all their allowance will afford, and then have to fly back by a 9 pm curfew, or having to ask permission to watch a DVD as 'taking a man.'

And the more girlfriends he has, the less wiggle room each of these girls have to be themselves.

Their only freedom is the illusion of fleeting fame. I much more respect the college girl who sleeps with whomever she wants in an attempt to live her life and to discover herself the way she wants.

In NO CASE is being a man's slave a good thing. Think about it.

Honey Gangsta said...

Hugh Hefner has per­pet­rated one of the hugest scams on wo­men-­kind EVER. And he did it so well that women are lined up to par­ti­cip­ate.