The Smartest Girls I Know

I can't stop watching this show because I can't stop trying to get my mind around it. I SO want to understand this. I'm not sure why, but it's like a train wreck - I can't take my eyes off it. On every episode, I keep trying to picture myself in their shoes and think what I would do, say, think, etc. It still eludes me. So they’ve begun replaying the episodes starting from the beginning. I saw the first one, but didn’t record it. The line I must note was Kendra confessing to the camera when she was apparently asked to describe her boyfriend. Here she goes: “My boyfriend is,” clutches her hands on her chest, “oh… so charming.” Like she’s twitterpated. Like it’s puppy love and she just can’t get over how cute it all is.

Then I saw the episode where it’s Kendra’s birthday and she has invited her family to the mansion for her party because “That’s all I need. My family, that’s it. I don’t need a huge party, I just need the people I love.” Uh huh. THAT’S why you’re a whore at the mansion. So here I go, picturing myself inviting Margie and Randy to the Playboy mansion for my birthday. The tears, the begging, the pleading from my parents to reconsider my wayward life would ensue. In a million years my parents would NEVER visit the Playboy mansion. Never. They might mail me pictures of the temple and copies of conference talks that warn against pornography, but they would never visit. So Kendra’s family shows up. This is her grandma, her mom, and her high school aged brother. Great idea. Bring a pubescent boy to the Playboy mansion so he can be traumatized for life. He mostly sat at a picnic table with his head down.

Holly and Bridget did the decorations. It was a luau. Whee! A luau at the mansion. The pool was lined with fake boobed women and Kendra lived it up. She was so grateful to Holly and Bridget for planning the party. “These girls are just so smart. They are the smartest girls I know.” Cut directly to Holly staring at her poof dog saying, “I love Duchess,” for the sixth time in 30 seconds. Next you see Holly passed out on the lawn and her dog is watching Kendra trying to wake her up to come play volleyball. It doesn’t work. These are the smartest girls I know.

Kendra’s mom and grandma say that Mr. Hefner is always so gracious to them. I’m sorry, what? He has your daughter in white slavery as a prostitute. This is something to be proud of and grateful for? He’s made your daughter a whore! Okay maybe she made herself a whore, but he’s making sure she stays one – and does it on TV. How gracious of him. Thank you, Mr. Hefner, for insuring that my 20-year-old daughter can stay a whore as long as she wants. And also for giving the world a chance to see her cooch.

Did you know that Holly is 25? The white hair threw me. I thought she was AT LEAST our age.

Kendra's quote of the episode: (speaking to the servants)
Stop.
I have to make a comment about the servants here (mostly male). It's hilarious to watch them because they are unsure of how to act and react with the whores - I mean girls. It's like, they're fascinated and dumbfounded because they know that these girls will gladly show off their cooches. It's like they're a thin layer of fabric away from the holy grail at all times. BUT, they also seem to realize how incredibly stupid the girls are, so they don't really know what to say to them. They kind of laugh nervously and try to get away or off the phone as quickly as possible. They have to wait on them, but at the same time they want to nail them, but also, they don't really want to have to hear them talk. It's quite the quandry.

Back to Kendra's quote: (to a Spanish speaking servant) "I made a poem! sí señor, mi amor. Ha ha HA!" Her obnoxious laugh. The servant ran away.