At kick off, Alex and Cory go fishing to provide us with all of the expository information we need for this week’s episode. Alex has a huge hickey on his neck – how very classy. Hooters waitress? Keagan? Kristin? Will we ever know? The boys discuss who will get “beat” this week, and Alex predicts that
Next we return to the setting for most Scene 2 conversations on Two-A-Days: the cafeteria. We are treated to a shot of Keagan, which is to be expected since the previews for this episode hint at some renewed Alex/Keagan hanky-panky. We’re right on track. Chatterbox Jessica asks Alex if he is aware of the fact that if they win the upcoming game, next week will be the state championship. Yes Jessica, I’m pretty sure Alex knows that, but thanks for telling all of us here in TV Land. Next we learn that Kristin is going away to
FOOTBALL PRACTICE! Today it is raining, so the Buccaneers are practicing in some indoor football field. If this is a
Now we go back into the hallways of
So! It’s now Thanksgiving break and Taylor, our Man of Many Faces – sometimes Master Party Planner, sometimes Coach Propst Jr., sometimes Expository Narrator, is throwing another shindig.
Back from commercial, Alex and Cory are driving around and Alex is saying how much fun he had last night at the party. He tells us that when he and Kristin go to parties, it’s different, because they are “less involved in the fun department.” You know, the coy cheating game just doesn’t quite work when you are at a party with your girlfriend. It’s much better when she’s in
MORE FOOTBALL PRACTICE! It’s Thanksgiving and the boys have come bright and early to what looks like the Superdome to show their undying devotion to the Buccaneer Dynasty. Alex confessionals that
Next it’s back over to the newly introduced Binder residence. Alex wanders into his kitchen where his dad is reading the newspaper and inquiring as to what time Alex came home last night. Alex admits that he came home at 2:00, but insists that he was at
At Max’s house, Jim is slicing the turkey and telling Max to find out when Defensive Coordinator Jeremy Pruitt will be arriving to dine with them. See what I mean about the absence of a life besides the team? I think we can define that as a general team fixation, and a Max-specific obsession.
We switch to Coach Propst, who, in a bid for audience sympathy, is driving to a small town called Ohatchee to visit his parents’ graves, like he does every Thanksgivin’. We see the Propst family headstone and I’m genuinely surprised that there is not a giant football engraved over the names of Coach Propst’s parents. This is filmed and played out to make it look like Coach Propst is very sad and lonely, with only this trip to the cemetery after football practice, and a visit to his bedridden grandmother Clara to keep him company on Thanksgiving. I happen to know that Coach Propst is actually married with three small children, so I don’t think his holiday could have been too lonely. The producers need to realize that they would have to get up pretty early in the morning to trick me that easily.
A montage of Ohatchee does, however, give us some clues as to Coach Propst as a person, if this is actually where he grew up. First there is a Confederate flag flying, which makes me wonder where this town’s Grand Dragon lives. There is also a sign in front of a church that reads “Death to the Christian is like a transfer to the home office.” That’s funny. There is actually an American flag flying next to this sign, so that’s a step up (and forward in time).
Back to Max’s house, where Jim is giving the family prayer, including the following: “Please help us have the energy to eat good and beat
Back from commercial, it’s time for the Big Game. Alex confessionals that the great part about football is that for 48 minutes, nothing else matters. You know, he doesn’t have to think about the fact that he just cheated on his girlfriend, that he is grounded indefinitely, that the Hooters waitress probably wasn’t that into him, or that this is all on television. Of course, the problem is that all football games must come to an end, and then Alex is going to have a whole lot to worry about. Coach Propst delivers his motivational speech, screaming about how he is insulted that Oak Mountain has the nerve to think they are as good a team as Hoover, just because they made it to the semi-finals, and he wants the boys to go out there and once again BEAT THE PISS OUTTA ‘EM!
Out run the boys through an enormous banner that says, “
Time for highlights!
- Defensive Coordinator Jeremy Pruitt and Repete’s father, Pete, both scream at Repete from the side.
- Repete makes a tackle.
- Ross throws a very long pass that is intercepted by
. Oops. Coach Propst tears of his headphones and the announcer tells us that he also threw his clipboard and his visor. Ross had better run for cover. Oak Mountain
- Max makes a tackle.
- Coach Propst, amidst violent profanity, calls for something dubbed the “NASCAR Offense,” prompting everyone to start making hand motions as if they are driving cars.
makes a touchdown 7 to 0. Hooray! Gotta love NASCAR. Hoover
- Ross throws a small pass to Dennis, who runs it in for a touchdown. 14 to 0! Coach Propst is now leaving his gear in place.
- Cornelius makes a touchdown and the first half ends 21 to 0.
- Coach Propst screams at possibly illegal decibels into the face of player #5. His words are unintelligible, but something about a wide receiver and ending in “God Almighty!” Do Christians still get to transfer to the home office when they are huge blasphemers in front of young impressionable teens?
makes a touchdown and Coach Propst suffers a mental attack that is manifest physically. The score is 21 to 7, is all this insanity necessary? Oak Mountain
- Max intercepts a big pass. It’s funny because Max is clearly a defensive player and is not sure what to do once he catches the ball. He teeters around and is promptly tackled.
- Dennis makes another touchdown, and I guess it’s over.
- Final score: 28 to 7.
is going to the state championship! Was there really ever a question? Hoover
Back in the locker room, Coach Propst gives a victory speech. He tells us that “All eyes are on the Hoover Buccaneer football progrum.” They need to be ready next Saturday to play their best football game ever. The boys give the team rally chant, “Dynasty!” and proceed to change out of their reeking gear.
Uh oh, what’s this? Goose is in the corner sending someone a text message. Repete, going against everyone’s advice to just shut up, starts hounding Goose, asking, “Who’re you texting Goose? Who’re you planning to go do Goose?” Oh Repete, didn’t we have a lesson last week about acting like you’ve got some class? Goose explains that the only person he is talking to is out of town. I’m not sure if Goose means “talking to” as in being in the early stages of courtship, or simply “talking to” as in someone is on the other end of the phone line. But we all know that the person is, of course, Kristin. Alex is not happy, and admits that now that the game is over, he can’t avoid reality anymore.
So here we are in the last 30 seconds of the episode, and we are just getting to Alex making that fateful phone call to Kristin that was touted in the previews. Kristin joins us from the confessional room, obviously at some later point in time, explaining that Alex was acting really weird and saying they needed to talk. Alex confessionals that he just blurted out that, “I didn’t think we needed to see each other anymore.” Hmm. Nice euphemism for “I banged someone else.” He does it with top class as well, over the phone at in the morning. What a dreamboat. He says it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done, but he did what he thought was right.
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